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Many of us have had to give up small things in order to gain more. Especially if it was about a loved one. However, there are things, seemingly trifles, by sacrificing which we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to be happy.

site talk about what a wise person will not do for a partner. And why he does not do this, you will find out at the end of the article.

Acceptance of the partner's appearance for what it is is perhaps the most obvious symptom of falling in love. After all, we all fall in love first with the image. If you like your reflection in the mirror, but at the same time you plan to change your wardrobe or start jogging in the morning to match your loved one's ideas about the ideal, think about it: is this your person?

Both men and women sin because they like to compare their partners with exes, parents, often with neighbors or colleagues. " Comparison is the death of joy" Mark Twain said. And scientists add that this is a direct path to depression, and not the object of comparison, but the one who does this, that is, your partner. Well, your condition, too, of course, will not be very good after all these “she earns more” or “her borscht tastes better”.

The temptation to remake a person for yourself is great, and often we make such attempts. Sometimes there is even a benefit from this - for example, when we help a loved one get rid of a bad habit. And if the partner is against any trait of your character or your favorite pastime?

Here it is important to understand what it is: an insignificant trifle that can be ignored for the sake of relationships, or a reflection of the inner nature, without which your partner ceases to be himself. For instance:

• If your loved one is disturbed by your drumming in the next room on Sundays, then you should think about an alternative place or time for music lessons.
• But if he is, in principle, against your hobby, even if you do it when he is not at home or even at a music school, then it is worth considering whether your relationship has a future.

It's no secret that distribution of household duties by gender - relics of the past. Modern men have learned to cook deliciously, and women have learned to deal with a dripping faucet. Therefore, household chores are no longer a purely female or male work. And, therefore, you should not take on or demand from your partner the solution of everyday problems on the basis of "gender". Ideally, you should strive to cope with everyday life together: studies have shown that such couples have much higher satisfaction with intimate life and, in general, they are doing well.

Healthy irony in a relationship is great, but the key word here is "healthy." But regularly making evil jokes that border on disrespect is not the same. AND not it is worth thinking that you just need to get used to it and not pay attention. Marriage researcher John Gottman and his group concluded that one of the main causes of divorce is excessive sarcasm of one of the partners.

Close people support us, regardless of whether we are alone or in a couple. them too our attention is needed, and the partner should not be an obstacle to this. The emotions that we get when communicating with friends or family members are different from those that our partner gives us. They are not better or worse, they are just different and we need them to feel like a complete person.

A shared bank account with a partner is fine, but you shouldn't give up your own either. This is not betrayal or stinginess, but an effective way to get out of a difficult situation on your own. from which no one is immune. This is stability, feeling that you will worry less about trifles and devote more time to your relationship.

The more we do things that are contrary to our desires, the faster our dissatisfaction with ourselves grows. The result is a state "everything is fine, but something is missing", because of which life becomes impenetrably gray.

Therefore, going once again to the forest you hate, instead of going to your favorite river, listen to yourself: is there a dull aching feeling inside you that someone else is living your life instead of you?

Of course, one has to sacrifice for the sake of relationships, because their duration largely depends on the ability to compromise. But when you are faced with a choice: go on a trip to Tibet, which you have been dreaming of for the past five years, or spend a vacation in the usual way with your loved one, because he wants to, the question involuntarily arises: what is more important - a dream or a relationship? And there is only one correct answer: loving partners will not put each other in front of a choice of "me or a dream."

And finally. Any decision in a couple should not deprive either you or your soulmate of the right to happiness. After all an unhappy person is not able to build a healthy relationship, no matter how perfect his partner may be.

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Psychology of love Ilyin Evgeny Pavlovich

Test "What are you ready for for your loved one?"

There are people for whom the main thing in love is to give, not to take. And what do you think? Take the proposed test and you will get the answer to this question.

Test questions

1. Your loved one is having a corporate party at work. You can come with a companion, but not required. Will you go with him?

a) Of course. - 5

b) I will go if he calls. - one

c) No, let him go alone. - 3

2. How would you like to celebrate the anniversary of your acquaintance?

a) I dream of a fun party. - 5

b) I dream of a romantic evening. - one

c) I would like something original. - 3

3. Your biggest fear is that your loved one…

a) Get sick. - one

b) Stop appreciating you. - one

c) will cease to interest you. - 5

4. On your mobile, a call from a loved one is configured ...

a) A special tune. - one

b) General melody - 3

c) Vibrating alert - 5

5. If you have one car for two, who will drive it?

a) He, to work and on his own business. - one

b) He will drive me. - 5

c) Me, of course. - 3

6. A loved one gave you a thing that you did not like and asks you to wear it, will you give in to his request?

a) Never. - 5

b) I will put it on, because it is more important for me to like him. - one

c) I will wear it only at home, since he likes it so much. - 3

7. You were offered a free vacation package for one person. Will you go?

a) Of course. - 5

b) No, I’d rather refuse and go on vacation with my beloved. - one

c) I will ask his opinion and do as he says. - 3

8. You have money, but for one thing, you will buy ...

a) Men's watch for him. - one

b) A fashionable handbag for yourself. - 5

c) A good camera for you with it. - 3

9. The maximum sacrifice you can make for him...

a) Tolerate at home his friend whom you do not like. - one

b) Prepare a complex and time-consuming dish for dinner that you yourself do not like. - 3

c) yield to him in a dispute. - 5

10. You have the last piece of delicious cake left, who will get it?

a) Whoever has time, he will eat. - 3

b) I give in to him. - one

c) Of course I do. - 5

Test results

10–19 points. In any situation, you proceed primarily from the interests of your partner. If you yourself are so calm and comfortable, then there is nothing to worry about. And if you feel that you are being suppressed and abused by your compliance, that you are giving much more than you are receiving in return, then you don’t have to put up with it.

20–29 points. It cannot be said that any of you give more than you receive. Everything in your relationship is wonderfully balanced. Everyone knows that his desires will not be ignored, but does not require too much sacrifice from the partner. And where your opinions differ, you know how to negotiate.

30–39 points. It is important for you that the person next to you is ready for anything for you. You do not always demand full dedication from him, and you yourself are not always ready for it. Mostly only when he deserves it.

40–50 points. Basically, your relationships are arranged for you. You prefer to receive than to give. If there is such a man next to you, then you are just lucky. But still do not forget about his needs. No matter how much he loves you, but the game with one goal will definitely get tired.

author Pokrass Mikhail Lvovich

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Test number 9. Always ready?..

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Who does not need the care of a loved one?! But this is not such a strange question, because it is no secret that there are people who are ready to give, but there are also those who only want to receive all the blessings from life. And what do you think? Take the proposed test and you will get the answer to this question.

Test questions:

1. Your loved one is having a corporate party at work. You can come with a companion, but not required. Will you go with him?

A) Of course - 5 points

C) I will go if I call - 1 point

C) No, let one go - 3 points

2. How would you like to celebrate the anniversary of your acquaintance?

A) I dream of a fun party - 5 points

C) About a romantic evening - 1 point

C) I would like something original - 3 points

3. Your biggest fear is that your loved one...

A) Get sick - 1 point

C) Stop appreciating you - 1 point

C) ceases to interest you - 5 points

4. On your mobile, a call from a loved one is configured ...

A) Special melody - 1 point

C) General melody - 3 points

C) Vibrating alert - 5 points

5. If you have one car for two, who will drive it?

A) He, to work and on his own business - 1 point

C) He will drive me - 5 points

C) I, of course - 3 points

6. A loved one gave you an item that you did not like and asks you to wear it. Will you give in to his request?

A) Never - 5 points

C) I will put it on, because it is more important for me to like him - 1 point

C) I will wear it only at home, since he likes it so much - 3 points

7. You were offered a free vacation package for one person. Will you go?

A) Of course - 5 points

C) No, I'd rather refuse and go on vacation with my beloved - 1 point

C) I will ask his opinion and do as he says - 3 points

8. You have money, but for one thing, you will buy ...

A) Men's watches for him - 1 point

C) A fashionable handbag for yourself - 5 points

C) A good camera for you with it - 3 points

9. The maximum sacrifice you can make for him...

A) Tolerate at home his friend whom you do not like - 1 point

C) Prepare a complex and time-consuming dish for dinner that you yourself do not like - 3 points

C) Give in to him in a dispute - 5 points

10. You have the last piece of delicious cake left, who will get it?

A) Whoever has time, he will eat - 3 points

C) I will yield to him - 1 point

C) Of course, I - 5 points.

Test results:

10 - 19 points

In any situation, you proceed, first of all, from the interests of your partner. If you yourself are so calm and comfortable, then there is nothing to worry about. And if you feel that you are being suppressed and abused by your compliance, that you are giving much more than you are receiving in return, then you don’t have to put up with it.

20 - 29 points

It cannot be said that any of you give more than you receive. In your relationship, everything is wonderfully “balanced”. Everyone knows that his desires will not be ignored, but does not require too much sacrifice from the partner. And where your opinions differ. You know how to negotiate.

30 - 39 points

It is important for you that the person next to you is ready for anything for you. You do not always demand full dedication from him, and you yourself are not always ready for it. Mostly only when he deserves it.

40 - 50 points

Basically, your relationship is designed for you. You prefer to receive than to give. If there is such a man next to you, then you are just lucky. But still do not forget about his needs. No matter how much he loves you, but the game with one goal will definitely get tired.

Each person has their own idea of ​​love. There is much debate and philosophizing on the subject of love. But in short, love is, first of all, a strong and sincere desire for happiness for a loved one. In true love there can be no place for self-interest, claims.

A loving person is ready to do anything for the happiness of a loved one and does not expect anything in return. Neither time, nor circumstances, nor the quality of relationships with a loved one have power over true love.

Love is selfless and does not require reciprocity. If we truly love, we continue to love even after we have been abandoned or rejected. But not everyone is capable of such selfless and selfless love. As a rule, the higher the spiritual and spiritual development of a person, the more developed his ability to love.

All of the above applies to love, but not to falling in love, which many people are used to confusing with love. Sometimes it seems to a person that he loves, when in fact he is just in love.

Let's figure it out

Many judge their ability to love by the strength of the emotions that they experience for the object of love. In fact, the intensity of passions is not yet showing love. Stormy emotions, up to the loss of self-control, are more often characteristic of falling in love than love. A person in love for some time completely falls under the power of feelings and loses the ability to objectively evaluate what is happening, and then, when his mind regains power over feelings, he can abruptly cool down to the object of love or be disappointed in him.

Unlike love

Unlike falling in love, love may not be accompanied by a sinking heart and trembling throughout the body. The feelings of a loving person are calm, but deep, while the mind is able to objectively assess both the merits and demerits of the beloved. But even realizing that a loved one is imperfect and far from ideal, we do not stop loving him less - this is one of the most important differences between love and falling in love!

Love is very multifaceted, so in no case can it be reduced to the desire inherent in all of us to be near a loved one. The strength and quality of love can be assessed by several criteria.

Here they are:

* The first criterion is the place of a loved one in the hierarchy of values. No matter how a man swears love to a woman, but if he spends his free time in the company of friends on a fishing trip with much greater pleasure than with his beloved woman, then his feelings for her are unlikely to be strong and deep.
* The second criterion is the willingness to give. Very often, love relationships begin beautifully, but they do not withstand the encounter with difficulties and fall apart. And all because the partners are eager to get as much pleasure and enjoyment from their relationship as possible, but in return they are not ready to sacrifice anything. If a man tells a woman that he loves her, but at the same time does not want to marry her because she has a child from a previous marriage, then this man’s attitude towards this woman is purely consumeristic - he wants to enjoy communicating with her, but at the same time, she is unwilling to sacrifice her life comforts in order to help her raise her child.
* The third criterion is the emotional fullness of the relationship. No wonder they say that true love is only happy. A loving person experiences only positive emotions from communicating with an object of love - joy, happiness, warmth, while the emotions of a lover are often overwhelmed with jealousy, resentment and claims. In a word, the more love there is in a person’s soul, the more positive emotions he experiences!

Manifestations of love

The two main manifestations of love are the ability to sacrifice and the ability to forgive. If you want to understand whether you love or not, think about what you are ready to sacrifice for the sake of your loved one and what you are ready to forgive him. And the more you are ready for sacrifice and forgiveness, the stronger and truer your love!

Adults and psychologically mature people tend to understand the fact that love is manifested not so much in emotions and beautiful words, but in behavior and actions. Loves not the one who swears in love and knows how to say beautiful compliments, but the one who cares, takes care of, protects, sacrifices, gives, forgives.

One of the most basic manifestations of love is concern for the well-being of a loved one and the willingness to take a personal part in solving his life problems. A loving person will never leave in trouble, will never break off relations for reasons of personal convenience, well-being and comfort.

The boundaries of the ability to love are determined by the boundaries of the personality of the person who experiences this feeling. A person can love another person exactly as much as he is generally capable of love. And it does not mean love for someone in particular. And love in the global sense of the word is love for the world, love for people, love for all living things. If your partner is used to living, feeling dissatisfied with himself, the world around him and people, then he will never, under any circumstances, be able to love you truly. It is not for nothing that the ancient Roman poet and philosopher Ovid, in his famous essay “The Science of Love”, advised: “If you want to know how your lover will treat you, look at how he treats the people around him.”

How multifaceted the personality of a person is, so many-sided and diverse are the manifestations of love. In two different people, love, despite the presence of basic common features, will always manifest itself in different ways. One will love in silence, not particularly scattering love confessions, but he will give himself to his partner. Another is ready to tell the whole world about his feelings, write a poem and dedicate it to a loved one - and this is also wonderful. But with all this, we must not forget! That although the external manifestations of love are different, since they largely depend on the character and temperament of the loving person. But the inner essence of love is the same - the desire to see the beloved happy and the willingness to make any sacrifices for this!