If someone offends you, they will. How to control anger when someone has offended you. School. What to do if your child is bullied by his peers at school

If they tell you that you have become something different, then you have simply become not as comfortable as you were before.

Don't ask a person whether he loves you or not. If you don’t feel this in his actions towards you, then it means you already know the answer.

Be grateful for what you have; then you will have more. If you focus on what you don't have, you will never have enough.

If you love, but you are not there, let go. If you are loved, but you are not, evaluate and take a closer look. If the love is mutual, fight

If you don't build your dream, someone will definitely hire you to build theirs.

Be grateful for what you have and you will eventually gain more. If you focus on what you don't have, you will never have enough.

If you think that the Universe sits and invents problems and illnesses for you, then you have delusions of grandeur. She simply implements your thoughts.

If you are in a bad mood, if you have been offended or upset, use the power of a smile. Even if no one sees you, try to smile to show yourself that you are above all difficulties. Think that you are invulnerable, immortal, eternal. Give yourself a smile, as you sometimes do when passing a mirror. Even if your smile is a little forced, it will still help. As soon as you smile, you will feel in a better mood. And in good mood It will be easier for you to solve your problems.
You have no idea how much good a simple smile can do for you and the people around you. When you receive another blow from life, tell yourself: “Everything could have been much worse” - and smile.

If you are hostile to the world, it will respond in kind to you. If you constantly express your dissatisfaction, there will be more and more reasons for this. If negativism prevails in your attitude towards reality, then the world will turn its worst side towards you. On the contrary, a positive attitude will naturally change your life for the better. A person gets what he chooses. This is reality, whether you like it or not.

In February, during the release of my latest book, I had one of those stories that explains why most people don't like or trust the media. I'll leave the details vague for reasons you'll understand as you read the article. However, it is worth noting that one of the reporters behaved in bad faith and did everything possible to spoil my book. When my editor complained to the publication he represented, its representatives refused to make any effort to rectify the situation.

Understandably, I was angry.

I worked continuously on this book for a year and a half. I had to go to extreme measures to protect the exclusive material presented on its pages. However, part of my work was undone in a matter of seconds by an envious and ill-mannered person whom I tried to treat with respect.

Like I said, I was upset.

I had clear evidence of his atrocities and a platform large enough for me to speak publicly about it. Anyone who has challenged anyone knows that, as strange as it may sound, anger brings a strange kind of pleasure. It is associated with an adrenaline rush caused by obsession and self-defense. In a sense, "justified" evisceration is a writer's dream, since all the writer's talents are involved in the process. See how everything goes according to plan? A truly intoxicating pleasure.

However, when I decided to come up with a response that I thought would restore justice, I had an epiphany in the form of three short questions that arose during the morning and evening ritual of reading and journaling in a quiet environment.

Here they are:

• Why get angry if it doesn't change anything?
• Why do I tell myself that I was harmed?
• Will I remember this situation in a few months?

If you are one of my subscribers, then these questions may seem familiar to you. Because I formulated and wrote them down myself. These are actually questions from The Stoic Journal, which I, like many other people around the world, write every day.

I am not one who believes in fate or divine providence, but in this situation I was simply amazed. I was eager to fight, to viciously and aggressively continue to ignite a conflict with an uncertain end, and then my own words - my own criticisms - came to me at the very moment when I needed them most.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that we return to our rejected thoughts with a kind of “alienated grandeur,” but in this case I did not reject my thoughts. They were just written a long time ago and I forgot about them. And then an accident happened.

It may seem strange that I learned something from my own writing, but this thought misses what Stoicism actually is. It represents both a philosophy and a practice. Like most people, I know that you shouldn't react emotionally to things, but again, this rarely prevents anger from building up within us and plotting revenge. And there is no “ownership” of ideas. Instead, there is a tradition, following which man repeats and improves the same basic premises because we have difficulty understanding and applying them.

In my case, I was just a few steps away from publishing a response that I knew would work and possibly end the career of the person who hit me. But it was the practice of philosophy that acted as a check on my anger. Stoicism is a philosophy that you practice on a daily basis. I start my mornings with journal entries about how I want my day to go, and then I come back to it in the evening to reflect before I go to bed.

Even though I was filled with anger, I was forced to ask the question, “Why be angry if it doesn’t change anything?” Then, twelve hours later, the question came into my head again, and I began to doubt my plan. By Sunday I came to the second question - “Why do I tell myself that I was harmed?” - and began to lean toward canceling his plan. On Monday, when the day of reckoning was supposed to come, I realized that I did not want to take revenge.

I clearly realized that I just needed to let go of this situation and move forward.

Epicurus, Seneca's favorite philosopher, said that "in vain" was the word of a philosopher who did not heal the suffering of people. Anger, as we all know, is something that we suffer from like a fever. It consumes us and takes over our body. At the end of February, I was overcome with feverish rage. I was offended, and I was not going to leave the culprit unpunished, even at the risk of exacerbating hostility and conflict.

The philosophy was developed to help us get rid of the fever of our destructive emotions and impulses.

When you are sick, you take aspirin, go to bed, put a handkerchief soaked in... cold water, and allow your body to rest. Likewise, philosophy is like a balm, a process that gives our mind the space it needs to do what it needs to do. You allow your mind to question and then reject your own impulses.

There are a lot of people in the world who are different from each other. The differences lie in their character, the way they walk, talk, eat, dress, the rules of culture, and their development as individuals. All these moments greatly influence a person. It often happens that there are people who have no idea about the culture and rules of communication.

Insults

Most people can often be rude and present others in a bad light. Such situations can occur with people of different ages, from early childhood to adulthood. Not all people can insult and be rude. There are those who simply do not know what to do in such situations. What to do if you are offended? This question concerns everyone who has been insulted at least once in their life. It makes you think about your actions and actions towards other people.

Why are people rude? What are the reasons for their behavior like this?

In order to understand how to act in such situations, it is important to understand the reasons for the occurrence of such behavior in another person. After all, knowing the reason, you don’t have to take the person’s words seriously. An insult can be immediately responded to beautifully and without developing further conflict. People can be rude and humiliate another person for the following reasons:

1. The person is unhappy and cannot fully enjoy himself. In this situation, he may insult others for the reason that he considers himself unhappy. That is, he has nothing to be happy about in life. At the same time, shouting at another helps him feel happy.
2. There is no reason to be offended. There are people who simply feed on negative energy, and their screams are a common condition that does not allow them to live in a normal way. He wastes his nerves, his emotions, because he has pain inside.
3. By reducing the importance of another person, many people boost their ego. As you know, ego is a state of mind that helps a person feel a personality within himself. But this feeling should be in moderation. Because otherwise, he will simply rise above the other person, picking on him for petty offenses. The important thing to remember here is that everyone has their own shortcomings.

What should you do if you are offended?

What to do if you are offended? In such a situation, it is important to behave as required by behavior and communication norms. You don't always have to stoop to the same level and offend him with your words and actions. After all, a weak and insecure person insults. There are a lot of such people in life, it is impossible to get rid of them. Therefore, you should not take it seriously and not pay attention to it.

But what if you were seriously offended? What to do in such a situation? There are a large number of cases when you can be rude. A conflict situation may occur, and during it insults will surface. This is perhaps the most common occurrence in life, and it can happen to almost anyone.

If you are an abuser...

It happens that a person did not want to do this. But, alas, it happened in a fit of strong emotions. Then many become interested in knowing how to behave if you have offended a person? What to do in such a situation? It's easier here. After all, it’s enough just to stop saying nonsense and simply ask for an apology, explaining your impulse that it’s just emotions.

School. What to do if your child is bullied by his peers at school?

Insult is always unpleasant words. They may be addressed to another person. What to do if you are offended? You can act in such a situation in different ways. Depending on the person who is being rude, and on the moment at which the incident occurred.

There are different areas of a person's life that will also differentiate when conflicts and abuse occur. For example, school. This is a place where children come to learn different ages. They spend a lot of time in it, gain knowledge on subjects, and sometimes also life experience.

If at school, what should parents and children do? First of all, it is important to remember that if a child is offended, then only parents should monitor this and stand up for the child. Each person understands the word “offend” differently. Its essence is also conveyed to children in various ways.

Boys are prone to frequent insults; during the game they may say offensive words or commit some action. Your child does not need to be taught that it is necessary to repeat the same movement and say the same words. After all, it often happens to children that after half an hour they are already playing again. And when adults are taught to respond to bad actions with bad deeds, then these scandals will only begin to grow.

So what should you do if your child is bullied at school? Let's figure it out now. It is important for parents to solve children's problems from a very early age, or rather, to help them cope in difficult situations. Children come from different families, with different abilities and ability to behave. Therefore, it is worth focusing on their education. If a child often begins to hear bad words addressed to him, then over time he will simply withdraw and stop developing as a person, because he will have fear. Unfortunately, this can happen once and for a lifetime. Therefore, from a very early age, it is important to accustom a child to the possibility of aggression from other people and words of insult.

Parents must clearly separate the words and actions of classmates. If these are just verbal insults, then it is important to teach the child to react and respond to them correctly. But it also happens that the matter takes a different turn, namely, the child may be hit. In this case, the parents are simply obliged to stand up for him.

What to do if your spouse hurt you?

Unfortunately, abuse can happen even within the walls own home. This is the feeling that can be caused during a quarrel or scandal. Most often, such aggressive actions can occur between husband and wife. Spouses often argue and allow themselves to say bad words.

If your husband offends you, what should you do in this case? Of course, it is important to understand that if you receive insults, then each person in the couple is to blame. Rarely can a spouse utter words of humiliation to his significant other just like that. Most often, it is an incident that happened that provokes the manifestation of such emotions. Adults should calm down and find a compromise in resolving a conflict dispute. There are some types of cases when the husband seriously offends, and in this case ordinary conversations cannot be done. Here it is worth looking for the reason for this occurrence and solving the problem as quickly as possible.

What to do if you offended a man?

It also happens that a man. What to do in such a situation? It's a little easier here. The whole reason is that a woman can offend and immediately be able to easily and simply make amends for her guilt. After all, she is full of charm and attractiveness, which she can take advantage of. It’s actually simple, especially when you know your weak points and just cling to them. IN modern world men are no longer those knights on horses who can stand up for themselves and for the interests of their women.

Now you know what to do if you are offended. And here it is important to take out key points. First of all, you should be smarter than the one who offends. And this means that sometimes you need to remain silent and ignore a person. Of course, you can’t always give up and remain silent. Because there are situations that do not allow repetition. Then it’s worth responding nicely and clearly to the insult.

You need to remember that the loser is the one who offends. Such people should be pitied. After all, they are unhappy in life, they do not have their own happiness and things to do that would simply distract them from negative thoughts. You can respond to insults with the same actions and words. The person will understand that he is wrong and perhaps apologize for his actions. At the moment of insult, it is necessary to turn off emotions. After all, sometimes they will simply spoil the whole picture and only lead to a negative result. It is important to perceive yourself as an individual, behave like a person and understand that there are people around you who want to live, enjoy every day, raise children and be happy. But they have their own character and behavioral characteristics. Therefore, it is important to treat them the same way as they do.

A little conclusion

One has only to imagine for a moment what will happen if every person responds to insults and harsh behavior in exactly this way - this will be the end of peace and goodness on earth. Every psychologist claims that it is necessary to change yourself first. Once the offending habits go away, everything will fall into place. Then children will not hear this and then repeat it after adults.

Learn not to be offended. It's very difficult, but so rewarding!

Free your soul from insults... and you won’t notice how your soul will take off!)

In the east there lived a sage who taught his disciples this way:

“People insult in three ways. They may say you are stupid, they may call you a slave, they may call you untalented. If this happens to you, remember a simple truth: only a fool will call another a fool, only a slave looks for a slave in another, only a mediocrity justifies what he himself does not understand by someone else’s madness. Therefore, never be offended by anyone, and do not insult yourself.”

Start with a simple thing: wish all the best to the people who once offended you.

No need to carry around stupid suitcases of grievances. If only because if your hands are busy with something bad, then it is impossible to take something good from them.

the less he finds reasons to be offended.

No one can offend me unless I allow it myself.

Mahatma Gandhi ---

You should not be offended by the person who offended you - in his soul he is more offended.

The inner world does not tolerate chaos. Take a “broom” and clean up the shower. It’s time to finally sweep away all the grievances and sorrows, losses and disappointments that have accumulated there. It's time to finally make room for something truly new, bright, pure and beautiful.

You don't forgive others to heal them. You forgive others to heal yourself.

Chuck Hilling

It is impossible to offend a happy woman...

You can only make her laugh!

If you have learned not to be offended, it means that you have learned to look into the heart of another.

Challenging behavior towards you is not a personal insult towards you, it is a measure of a person’s suffering. This is how he shows you how much he hurts and how much compassion he needs.

They may say you are stupid, they may call you a slave, they may call you untalented. If this happens to you, remember a simple truth: only a fool will call another a fool, only a slave looks for a slave in another, only a mediocrity justifies what he himself does not understand by someone else’s madness. Therefore, never be offended by anyone, and do not insult yourself, so as not to be branded as stupid, untalented slaves.

Happy people cannot be evil. Only those who are unhappy themselves try to offend others. Your offender was not trying to offend you. He was only projecting onto you what was the real purpose of his aggression. (Anthony de Mello)

The greater the resentment, the more I lose strength.

Resentment is the problem of the one who is offended. This means that it was you who did not have enough mental strength for this person, it was you who could not cope with yourself.

If you are full of strength, energy, if you feel good simply because it is spring outside, and you feel strength and power in yourself - is a person in such a state capable of being offended by someone? When we are full of energy, grievances pass us by. If we are offended, it means that somewhere there is already an outflow of energy, it means that somewhere you have not tracked your condition and have not taken measures to bring yourself back to normal. So what do other people have to do with it?

Why are you offended that no one thought of you or washed the dishes on your birthday? Why didn’t you warn about this yourself, didn’t you say so? Why are you silently, angrily gritting your teeth, doing something, instead of asking someone to help you? Why do you create dramatic images and feel sorry for yourself to the point of tears? Why? Maybe you want to torture yourself?

Any of our grievances is connected with our self-esteem, in other words, with our ego. That is, we are offended that they underestimated us, did not predict our desires, did not think about us first.

(quotes from the article “Adult Children of Resentment” - Maria Petrochenko - Wheel of Life June 2013)

When you have the same people around you, it somehow comes naturally that they come into your life. And having entered your life, after a while they want to change it. And if you don’t become what they want you to be, they get offended. Everyone knows exactly how to live in the world. But for some reason no one can improve their own life.

Paulo Coelho "The Alchemist"

Don’t clog your memory with grievances, otherwise there may simply be no room left for beautiful moments!

Blaming others is such a little trick that you can use whenever you don’t want to take responsibility for what is happening in your life. Use it - and you are guaranteed a risk-free life and a slowdown in your own development.

Resentment provides two important benefits that people have a hard time giving up. The first is judgment, and the second is a sense of self-righteousness.

Most people get angry because of grievances that they themselves have created by attaching deep meaning to trifles.

No one can offend you without your consent.

I still don’t understand why people stay angry with each other for a long time. Life is already unforgivably short, it’s impossible to really get anything done, there’s so little time that you can say there’s none at all, even if you don’t waste it on all sorts of stupid things like quarrels.
Max Fry

Regardless of the reason for which you were insulted, it is best not to pay attention to the insult - after all, stupidity is rarely worthy of indignation, and anger is best punished with neglect.
Samuel Johnson

If a donkey kicks you, don't kick him back.Plutarch

Resentment is actually a way of grooming and protecting one’s self. (Rollo May - The Art of Psychological Counseling)