Every person has pain points. These are those painful things that are associated with various aspects of life, his traumatic experience, personal beliefs and attitudes, attitude towards something. For example, a person tragically lost a child. Now memories of the deceased baby, mentions of him in conversation, personal things that the parent could not throw away or give away become his sore spot.

A sore spot is a memory associated with negative experiences of a person, which still affect her life.

Accordingly, human behavior is determined by the desire (conscious or subconscious) to avoid influencing his weak point. If, for example, a woman is short, then she will tend to walk in high heels. If a man earns little, then he will try to avoid the topic of money.

It is important to note that a person's behavior and the mechanism for avoiding or compensating for a “lack” will be activated if a person takes it for a disadvantage or negative. If someone sings badly, but does not see anything shameful in it, then conversations on this topic or jokes of friends will not have an impact. Thus, the absence of an ear for music or a voice is simply a lack of skill or skill, but not a defect in the understanding of the person himself.

It should be noted that pain points also tend to be gender differentiated. It is known that women are more often complex because of their external data and the degree of their attractiveness to men. Men, in turn, are complex about their masculinity, self-confidence, material security, and success. The severity of the complex is individual for each. With close contact with people or in an emotionally close relationship with a partner, it is impossible to hide your sore spots from your partner. In any case, male complexes are mainly built on the oppressed pride, either in the past or in the present.

Self-esteem is a sense of self-esteem associated with excessive attention to oneself.

A proud man is one who is "confident" in himself and demands a demonstration of this confidence from others.

The paradox is that the narcissist manifests self-admiration in every possible way, confidence, but, demanding confirmation from the people around him, demonstrates low self-esteem. This is what proud men often “blame” on.

So, a wise woman will always see the weak point of a man and, if necessary, can play with it.
If you have a desire to play with male pride, hurt him a little or as much as possible, the following tips will certainly help.

Decide on motivation

Naturally, a woman will not hurt the male ego without a reason. It means that he was guilty somewhere, did not please with something. I didn’t please so much that I want to punish. But!

Before committing to immediate revenge, you should think about your motivation and the consequences that I assure you will be. Such an analysis should be based on your attitude towards the personality of a man and your desire to build a relationship with him.

If a man is dear to you, you love him and want to be together, then the options to hurt his pride will be different than in the case when the woman is not particularly interested in the man and she does not plan to continue the relationship with him.

If a guy is loved, then NEVER use his pain points as revenge. In the case of underestimated male self-esteem, this can lead to a break in the relationship instantly.

The task of the young lady is to help a man cultivate confidence in himself, and not to crush it because of her resentment. The insult will pass, but the male complex will remain. Your beloved "Thank you" for this will not say, and on the part of the lady it is unworthy.

If a woman is not interested in a man and is ready to part with him, then the pressure on the sore spot is what the doctor ordered!

Ignore it

At all times, ignore is considered the most effective way to hurt.

If you want to gently convey to your beloved man: “You shouldn't do this to me, as you did, dear,” then turn on the ignore of his basic needs. NOT PAIN POINTS, but other significant needs. Oh, you were rude to me in the morning, then I won't cook and wash my clothes. Or talk to you for 3 days.

If you want to hurt someone who is not close and not loved, then you can ignore it as much as possible. Don't answer phone calls and messages. Do not respond to requests and words in general.

The lack of feedback from a woman will hurt anyone, even the most impenetrable.

But the maximum ignore is fraught, in the main, with parting. If you don't want to keep the guy in your life - go for it! Men do not forget to ignore.

Compare with others

Nobody likes to be compared to others, especially men. Especially if they compare beloved women, hinting at an outright loss in favor of others.

Comparisons with exes or just other men are another of the most effective ways.

Your friend Nikita has a cool haircut, and what is on your head, Lord forgive me ?!

Make fun of him in bed

No one will ignore the jokes about his sexuality and ability to satisfy a woman. You can make fun of his masculine strength, penis size, some technical skills.

Such a quality as self-esteem is expressed in several components: it is, first of all, a too high opinion of oneself and one's own capabilities, which is directly related to self-esteem, as well as a too jealous attitude towards one's own personality and an overly sensitive attitude towards its assessment on the part of other individuals.

Self-esteem, in principle, has a place to be in every person, but it is expressed to varying degrees. At the same time, excessively high self-esteem is considered wrong, which can even result in so-called "narcissism". Such people are too sensitive to the criticism said to them on any, even the smallest reason. They also tend to worry too much and deeply when a request is refused. It is worth noting that excessive self-esteem can lead to serious consequences when an individual feels too insulted without any adequate reason and may harbor serious revenge.

Hurt pride

Man is a unique and inimitable being. Even within their own society, each individual is a unique personality. We all have our own, personal features of appearance and character, a unique combination of qualities, advantages, disadvantages. But at the same time, there is something in common for each of the people. In particular, we all have a sense of self-esteem in one degree or another.

It is impossible to say unequivocally whether the very existence of pride is something good or bad. Psychologists consider this phenomenon as a special property of the human psyche, which allows an individual to preserve his individuality, things and qualities that are relevant to him. In other words, this is one of those properties that underlie the individual's striving for development, self-improvement, and increasing his value in society.

But is the feeling of self-esteem really such a good incentive to work on oneself? In this matter, everything is not so simple, because the expression of pride and its manifestation in each individual is very unique. Someone is inclined to believe that self-esteem is a good background for keeping self-esteem in its adequate state, while others - that it is nothing more than a negative quality that leads to exaggeration of the significance of one's own “I”. In any case, it is worth noting that both assumptions take place, since self-esteem is really capable of manifesting itself in different variations. Adequate self-esteem, as well as a positive assessment of others from the outside, contribute to more persistent self-improvement, but negative criticism, failure and condemnation can cause hurt pride.

In reality, not all of us can safely endure negative comments about ourselves from the outside. It all depends on the character of the person, his beliefs and other unique factors of his psyche. Nevertheless, the ability to adequately perceive constructive comments, even if in a negative way, is a very important quality. We all react differently to comments in general: someone is very annoyed and starts a quarrel, denying them in every possible way, someone silently swallows the offense, someone's self-esteem suffers greatly.

If you have become a victim of completely unfounded criticism or just offense against you, then it is best to use the simple advice of psychologists: ignore, accept what the abuser said as already happened, move on in life, not attaching great importance to such things, because they do not change you in any way and your personality. It is worth noting that, in general, a person is a social being and, therefore, is highly dependent on social opinion. The slightest praise can elevate us in our own eyes, but criticism or insult can forever discourage further attempts to achieve something. In this case, pride should be viewed as a kind of "catalyst" for decisions and actions taken, but not as a motivation for their formation.

It is very easy to offend a person with inadequate, overestimated self-esteem. This is, in fact, their distinguishing feature. Sometimes one word is enough, even if it does not carry any intentional connotation or negative connotation, a narcissist is able to find them. At the same time, it is worth distinguishing between self-esteem, which can lead to the development of egocentrism, and the desire to be the first. The latter is a completely normal quality that is inherent in every person and should normally develop. Of course, if it does not go beyond the adequacy.

Wounded pride

In itself, too high pride is not something dangerous, but it is quite another matter if a wounded pride develops, to which it can lead. This is bad because a person with such self-esteem is very difficult to perceive criticism in his address, in whatever form it is presented, it is generally difficult for him to control himself and adequately perceive the comments made to him. All of the above is taken too close to heart, especially if the comments and criticism were not so constructive.

It is very important to develop the ability to correctly respond to criticism spoken to you. First of all, it is worth evaluating the criticism and making sure that you really have something for which you deserve this kind of criticism. At the same time, if someone recognizes the right of others to criticize him, then he can also demand that a number of his rights be respected by those around him. In particular, criticism of someone's personality should not become public domain and, as a rule, it is customary to pronounce it in private conversation.

Here are some tips from psychologists on how to best behave in these situations:

• If you do not understand what is the essence of criticism directed at you, it is best to ask the person to clarify what exactly he means, rather than try to make some guesses on your own.
• It is also important to be able to distinguish the content of criticism, that is, its essence, from the external form. In which she is clothed. The very essence of the criticism may be true, but at the same time, you may not like the way it is presented. In such a situation, it is better to immediately say directly: "Your criticism is fair, but you should not get personal."
• It so happens that you strongly disagree with criticism and there are reasons for this. It is worth trying to calmly convey your point of view to your opponent, substantiating it or emphasizing the fact that this is your personal opinion.
• Always remain calm and calm throughout the conversation. Do not let the interlocutor think that he has suppressed you in some way, speak in a calm, raised tone of voice.

It is worth emphasizing that the feeling of wounded pride is not just some kind of negative reaction to negative criticism and the like. In fact, it is also a protective function of the human ego. It concerns purely internal problems of the individual, and is also considered a feedback from the outside world. That is, it should be understood that an insult based on self-esteem is not some unique character trait, but just a reaction to an external psychological stimulus. Such a person becomes completely incapable of perceiving criticism from the outside, introspection, and also prone to inappropriate behavior.

Male pride

In principle, a blow to self-esteem is a painful event for any person, although some people know how to cope with it, so everyone has their own reaction to negative external psychological factors. In particular, male pride, in contrast to female, is more pronounced, so that the reaction of the stronger sex is much more acute. Because of this, they often become somewhat inadequate, uncontrollable and even aggressive. In order to avoid such situations in family life, one should learn to smooth out the "sharp corners" that arise, quickly resolve conflict situations and, if something happens, make concessions. It is very useful to find out what most often leads to irritation of men, and what actions on the part of a woman they are simply not able to forgive.

Most of the fair sex rely too much on their impunity, perceiving it as the right to say anything to men, without fear of being held accountable, and also to achieve their goals in any way possible. It is believed that a loving husband is able to forgive his soul mate for everything. In principle, this is how it is, especially if such "antics" do not go beyond certain limits. But at some point, a situation suddenly occurs when a man becomes tough, no longer lends itself to control and is able to very much surprise his spouse. That is why any woman should feel a certain line that should not be crossed in a relationship with a man in any case.

Of course, first of all, it is worth noting female infidelity. Let us emphasize that betrayal on the part of a spouse, as a rule, for a man is not at all like his own betrayal. For example, if the spouse himself has changed, then he can quite rightly note for himself that his betrayal was only a need for intimacy, so that his wife still remains the only and dear one for him. At the same time, it is very often believed that infidelity on the part of a woman is more associated with feelings, based on sympathy, the need for affection and love. That is, the betrayal of a spouse is a direct hint for a man that she no longer treats him as her only one, so that the relationship is completely different.

So cheating very much hurts male pride. There are times when a man is able to forgive betrayal, but in the future he is still unlikely to forget the very fact of what happened, so that the relationship will never be the same again.

Also, many men cannot stand situations when a woman assigns herself a leading position in their relationship. Any man, no matter what he was, always wants to feel like a support, necessary, irreplaceable. If a woman takes on the role of mistress of situations every time a difficult situation arises, this greatly hits his pride. The same goes for comparing a man to someone better than him.

Manipulation in intimate relationships is another easy way to hurt male pride. Any excuses in bed like a sore head and a bad mood, especially if they are too frequent, are just an excuse to push him to cheating. Demanding the fulfillment of whims and the purchase of gifts for intimacy is an even worse idea.

It is easy to piss off a man by exposing him in a negative light in front of friends or even close relatives. Representatives of the stronger sex want to be wealthy and reliable, almost ideal and irreplaceable for their companions, so ridicule or too aggressive criticism from a woman they love is an overly painful blow for them.

There are also a number of female actions and habits that easily annoy men. They also include endless chatter on the phone, gossip, aimless running around the shops ... Many of these things men are able to easily close their eyes and not focus on it. However, this should not be overused.

Female pride

What, in turn, is the difference between female pride and male self-esteem? First of all, psychologists note the fact that it is often unreasonably overestimated, so it can be very easy to hurt it, and this can be done quite suddenly, having uttered just one “wrong” word. At the same time, a woman, being wounded, is able to turn into a real "monster". They conceive resentment and revenge for a long time, are able to sarcast, lie, splurge, descend to banal insults.

At the same time, it is very easy to hurt the pride of any woman by adultery. Not all of them are able to look at such things through their fingers, no matter how men try to justify their search for intimacy "on the side" and make their betrayal less significant than the betrayal of the woman herself.

In most cases, according to statistics, women themselves are the initiators of divorces and breaks in relationships. At the same time, cheating, one of the most frequent acts leading to this, occurs on the basis of a decrease in emotional ties in the family. Very often a woman is pushed to such a decisive step by her wounded pride.

If there was a betrayal on the part of her husband. And the spouse finds out about this, a very difficult question arises before her: to come to terms with this, learn to live and forgive, try to maintain the old relationship with the person who has always been close and dear? Or listen to your pride and nip everything in the bud? Psychologists recommend that women try to take a neutral position, relax, not get excited, in order to make a decision that is right from their point of view in the future, and not cut it off from the shoulder.

Male pride is that area of ​​consciousness, touching which you can undermine faith in yourself and completely destroy the priorities set. It doesn't matter if the ego of the stronger sex was hurt, intentionally or unintentionally. But if such situations are repeated often, we can talk with a high degree of certainty about the imminent death of the union. Even the calmest men who resignedly obey women sooner or later come to a decision to break off relations. Experienced specialists give their recommendations on how not to hurt a man's ego.

The essence of the concept

Male pride is formed throughout a man's life. A representative of the stronger sex is born to become a conqueror, protector and breadwinner. Nature created him strong and courageous, able to find a worthy partner for procreation, to protect her encroachments of other applicants, and also to provide a woman with a roof over her head and food for food. These functions are priority for any male individual and do not depend on his upbringing and desires. Everything is laid down by nature in the mind of a guy, so the slightest violation of boundaries or ignoring of his main functions on the part of a woman is perceived with hostility.

The main types of woman's behavior

There are two ways to hurt a man's pride. This is a deliberate and unconscious provocation on the part of a woman. The first and second options are radically different from each other:

1. Deliberate provocation. This is the style of behavior of a woman who tries to keep everything under her control. She sees everything and understands perfectly well that her remarks or stinging clarifications are unpleasant for a man. By doing this on purpose, the girl achieves the complete destruction of the man as a person, in order to establish her own unspoken rules. A woman mistakenly believes that she can thus keep her faithful close to her for a long period. A man will consider himself completely dependent on her and will not go anywhere. We'll have to disappoint the lady, because sooner or later the guy will find the strength in himself and will certainly break free from oppression. The only excuse may be a situation when a woman did not value the relationship and specially hurt the male pride in order to part as soon as possible.
2. Unintentional provocation. We are talking about the wrong behavior of a woman who is trying to increase her self-esteem at the expense of a partner. She is confident that she is right and does not notice the moment when she begins to overstep the line of what is permitted. At the same time, the girl sincerely loves the guy and does not understand what exactly is doing wrong. Most often, such a relationship ends in parting, and both partners experience severe disappointment. To prevent this from happening, you should consider the most common mistakes in the behavior of the fair sex.

Mistake number 1. Remarks in case of strangers

To the question of how to infringe on male pride, without even noticing it, there is one answer: to constantly make comments to the guy in the presence of strangers. Some women naively believe that for the best effect and motivation for action, a man needs to be shamed in front of friends or relatives. For example, a guy does not bring a very large salary or forgets (or does not know how) to fix the plumbing in the house. The girl voices her claims so that the partner becomes ashamed, and upon returning home, he literally from the doorway began to troubleshoot or look for a new job.

It's safe to say that a man will never do this. Even if he considers the remark correct, consent will infringe on his male pride. He will fundamentally and defiantly do the opposite, since strangers learned about his insolvency, and his second half became the initiator of the whole action.

How to avoid such a mistake

Never voice your claims in front of strangers, do not make comments, do not pull back. This behavior looks unworthy, since it offends not only the beloved man, but also all outsiders. Nobody likes to be present at personal "showdowns". A smart decision would be to praise your man or even attribute to him those achievements that do not yet exist. For example, say (if asked about it) that while the salary is small, but the guy is doing everything to increase it. The man simply did not have time for the broken plumbing, he would fix the tap next weekend. Be sure that your beloved will try to justify the trust placed in him and this very minute he will begin to correct the situation.

Mistake # 2. Ignoring a man's decisions

If you constantly challenge or simply ignore the decisions of a representative of the stronger sex, a blow to male pride will be guaranteed. A man always pretends to be the head of the family, and this is normal according to all generally accepted canons. He is obliged to support his family and do the most difficult work. But what if this function is constantly not performed by him, and the woman is forced to pull everything on herself? Even this serious situation does not give a woman the right not to listen to the point of view of her partner. If she neglects his advice and focuses only on her decisions, the guy will stop taking the initiative altogether. He will decide that he is being neglected as a man and will go looking for those women from whom he can gain recognition.

Never argue with a man about his point of view or impose your ideas. He sees the situation in his own way and has every right to do so. If the guy's proposal is absurd and there is no way to agree with him, you need to connect all your feminine charm and tactfully offer your version. By loyally explaining all the advantages of your choice, you can get a stunning result. The guy decides that this idea came to him. Do not disappoint him, let him think so, but you can give yourself "excellent" for the wise behavior of a loving partner.

Mistake # 3. Remembrance of former lovers

The reaction, by which it will be clearly seen that the man's pride has hurt, will follow after the mention of the former lover. This can manifest itself in the form of upset, irritation, and even aggression. Any man at heart is an owner, and it is terribly painful for him to realize that other men loved his woman. Memories that the previous one was good can trigger the onset of inferiority complexes. Talking about how bad it was with your ex will be less painful, but still unpleasant. Constant comparisons will surely lead to a breakup.

You should not voice your memories of something that is long gone, as it looks unconvincing. If it was so good with your ex, why are you still not together? Or did his image become perfect after breaking up? You need to understand that such memories hurt the current partner and irritate his ego. Girls need to put themselves in the shoes of their boyfriend, and it is recommended to return to the past only as needed. It will not work to cause healthy jealousy, you can only harm the current relationship.

Mistake # 4. Making fun of men

Wounded male pride arises due to ridicule from a woman. Each representative of the stronger sex has memories from childhood. He was small and did not know how much, he had to comprehend everything gradually. It's about strength, courage, experience. Today the guy wants to feel like a brave defender, and he wants to forget the periods of insolvency forever. That is why it is very painful for him to realize that the beloved woman sees his weaknesses. The man feels humiliated and begins to defend himself. A simple, unobtrusive joke can cause serious conflict (not to mention serious things).

A simple remark in a joking manner can create a situation where male pride is hurt. Psychologists advise what to do for a woman who did not want to offend her lover. You should not focus on the joke or repeat it twice, you need to translate the topic of conversation as correctly as possible. Show with all your appearance that the conversation has a humorous form and in no way pretends to be sarcasm. In order not to offend your man in the future, you need to be extremely attentive to the words. The categorical prohibition lies on the topic of appearance, discussion of his family members, intimate opportunities, favorite hobbies, etc. Jokes on this topic in any form lead to conflicts or even partings.

Mistake # 5. Woman's Authoritarian Behavior

Very often, the fairer sex forget about their mission and try to completely take the reins of government into their own hands. It so happens that with her commanding ambitions, a woman hurt male pride and did not even notice it. This usual habit of considering exclusively one's own point of view, disregarding the opinion of a partner, suppressing it morally leads to significant exacerbation of relations.

A man seeks to protect his beloved, dreams of being her only salvation in all situations. And she does not even allow him to take care of herself, because she only prefers to decide when and to what extent she needs it.

Do not switch roles, as this will not lead to good. A man will endure the suppression of his ego for the time being: either he will not stand it and leave, or he will turn into a spineless person. Such a development of the situation will definitely not suit the girl, since she does not have enough strength to perform male functions. If you want to see your relationship harmonious, it is worth each of the partners to stay in their positions and not to climb into someone else's territory.

Mistake # 6. Clarifying the relationship

The fair sex is very fond of sorting things out. As a result of multiple conversations, a woman realizes that she has hurt male pride. What to do in a situation when the partner does not want to find out at all who is right and who is wrong? A woman should understand that the psychology of a man is fundamentally different from a woman's logic. The guy is used to acting, not reasoning, and all discussions of personal problems seem ridiculous and meaningless to him. He wants to hear a call for concrete action, not listen to multiple complaints.

What to do in this case?

If a woman is a lover, she needs to be constantly ready for mutual confrontation with a partner. For example, she wants to talk about a topic of interest to her, which concerns the analysis of the past not very good situation. The man is categorically against "wasting time on stupid conversations." The girl begins to insist on the conversation, get nervous, insult or touch the partner's pride. Such clarifications lead to inevitable separation. Therefore, girls should remember that the analysis of events and feelings can be entrusted to a friend or mother, but not to their beloved, since he will not endure a large number of conversations.

Mistake # 7. Manipulation

Male pride is hurt when a guy realizes that he is being manipulated. Each representative of the stronger sex can apply many efforts to obtain a certain result. He tries to look after, help, pay attention to the girl and fulfill all her whims in order to achieve his own goal. Usually, this goal is intimate relationships, since (in the man's opinion) sex is proof of a woman's love. He perceives any signs of attention from the girl as a call to action. But when a guy realizes that he was being used, the whole world disappears from under his feet. This painfully reflects on his pride, as it infringes on his manhood.

Do not humiliate male pride. If there are no plans to develop a serious relationship, the girl should behave accordingly. It is not recommended to accept gifts, ask for help, or behave ambiguously (overly flirtatious, hinting, or flirting). Otherwise, you can provoke resentment or even aggression from the guy and hear a lot of impartial about yourself. The wounded pride of a man will allow him to be very inventive in his revenge, so you should be wary of such actions.

Conclusion

Women who dream of harmonious long-term relationships with the stronger sex need to know how to amuse the male pride of the chosen ones. To do this, you need to understand them, treat them with respect, praise them more often and love them more. No guy will remain indifferent to a girl who appreciates him. But at the same time, do not forget about self-esteem. After all, only an equal, tender and sensitive relationship will maintain the fire of love throughout life.

... Whenever you are ready to utter a phrase to your chosen one that includes the phrases "you are wrong", "and the neighbor has a better car", "the nail should have been hammered higher," other types of demarche ...

And all because with one tiny remark, you risk striking a blow to male pride. It would seem that avoiding unwanted moments is as easy as shelling pears - not to say or do anything that could hurt a gentle man's soul. But in practice it turns out that this very soul is truly boundless, wherever you step, you step on its holy borders. Psychologists only nod in agreement - they say, yes, there is such a topic: boys are born triumphants and Caesars, and any doubt about their consistency is interpreted as a premeditated crime. A small nuance: the actions and words of the fair sex are a hundred times more offensive than similar actions on the part of men. Because when a colleague Voldemar says: “Sergo, it’s time to put your car in the junk,” then he is simply an envious, fool, or his sense of humor is clumsy. But God forbid the girl to quote the same thing: this means that she does not love, does not respect, met another and is looking for a reason for a quarrel. As you can see, it is impossible to give clear instructions such as “do not mention Alexander the Great and Andrei Arshavin with him and don’t wear” it is impossible, because the subject can get mad because of the innocent: “Oh, where did you get these funny sandals? My grandfather loved to flaunt them at the dacha. " Therefore, we will only name the most dangerous moments for male pride and offer "anti-Soviet" - anti-advice that will make it easy to make sure that "wow, but the method works!"

Indifference

It is also ignorance, it is inattention. It drives a man out of himself only on the condition that he has a trump interest in the young lady and goes out of his way, trying to attract attention. Sometimes the method can be used by young ladies consciously, even in the presence of mutual sympathy - "and so that you don't think too much about yourself." It was on the indifferent look of the damsel that many celebrity supermen bought into: when a crowd of fans and admirers roared around, one calmly asked "And you, forgive me, who?" On her, and a crush, as they say. In a word, the self-esteem of a gentleman always suffers when the situation arises "he has an eye to her, she sideways to him."

Anti-Council: Realizing that the gentleman favors you, since he has taken the manner of inviting you in and looking with an immodest look, we assume coldness, we make a skeptical face. It is not forbidden to specify at every opportunity: "Sorry, I forgot your name again." We try not to get out of the image of the Snow Queen, when one day he parades past with another.

Indirect criticism

This is generally elementary: respond unflatteringly about any of his interests, doubt the fidelity of his beliefs (the latter is strongly discouraged if a copy of Che Guevara or Vladimir Zhirinovsky is in front of you - he will shoot or spit). The logic is simple: if you said that only infantile idiots can watch this film ten times in a row, and the chosen one was just sitting down for viewing for the ninth time, you can be sure that he will suspect something was wrong and worry. Well, he will be offended, how can it be without it. You can indirectly criticize anything, even socks. For example: “In our school, the mathematics teacher wore these, only in a diamond. Well, Ivan Semyonitch Sapogov ... A sort of drunken intellectual. "

Anti-Council: Seeing that the man is again hovering at the computer and is trying to pass the ninth level, gluing a model of an airplane or drawing tanks, we come closer and ask as dismissively as possible: “How can you do this nonsense? This is for the defective. " We move away, watch the reaction.

Direct criticism

The word is right, even explaining is stupid. Men can say as much as they like that they have nothing against constructive criticism, but even the most obvious impartialness (“wow, how your bald head has widened!”) In the mouth of a lady who is not indifferent to them becomes a terrible, blatant tactlessness. Naturally deliberate.

Anti-Council: We start a heart-to-heart conversation with the subject, call him a loser, remember that he does everything he does, and "his ears are cold." We admire the effect produced and get used to the response demonstrative silence for three days.

Comparison is not in his favor

Comparing men, of course, is possible. But preferably with the same Macedonian and Arshavin, Apollo, Bruce Willis, etc. And only in one context: your counterpart has the same strategic talent, masculine charisma and a beautiful body, from the back and in the dark can easily be confused. And the comparison is absolutely unacceptable: “But where are you to Bruce Willis! From you Arshavin, from Soso Pavliashvili - a hockey player! Put the ball down and go fields geraniums! "

Anti-Council: Male pride will whine offended if you arrogantly say in front of your husband: "And our neighbor has a better car than you." It is strictly forbidden to say the same about a neighbor's wife.

Valuable guidance

We accept it as an axiom: a man from the moment of birth knows that "cheerful - you need to speak more cheerful, cheerful - more fun", that nails are hammered in, and screws are screwed in. And God forbid you to climb arm in arm with advice: "Hold the hammer at an angle of 120 degrees!" Because any tseu is regarded the same way: “Why are you holding me for a fool ?! Have I really lived to be 30 (40.50, 100) years old and don't know how to sculpt a snow woman correctly ?! "

Anti-Council: We are waiting for the next joint trip by car, we comfortably sit in the passenger seat, from the depths of which we do not forget to shout: “Vitalik, the movements are smoother, you will tear off the steering wheel now! Don't drive, where are you driving, in a hurry to the cemetery? " We are not surprised if he says that next time you will go only in the trunk, tied up and with a sealed mouth.

Taunts

Anyone who shows us a man who is ready to admit that he does not have a sense of humor is guaranteed an incentive prize. Literally everyone assures that in terms of ironic remarks they are Zhvanets, Zadornovs, Ilfs and Petrovs. However, if the joke is addressed to the gull-entertainer, be sure - he will be offended. Because "I'm not a little boy to tease and laugh at me!"

Anti-Council: We find a photo where the gentleman, then still a student of the eighth grade of high school, decided to let go, therefore, he was captured with a hairdo "square to the ears." We laugh loudly, shouting: "You look like Mireille Mathieu in childhood!" We rush to calm down the sharply frowned citizen and assure us that we didn’t think anything bad.

Diminutive nicknames

This is a paradox, the author laments, but is forced to state a fact. We women love words like "sun, bunny, kitten, fish." And men hate them to the same extent. If your Busik doesn’t speak out loud against the “busik”, all the same - secretly grinds his teeth, he is such a goat.

Anti-Council: We catch our five-year-old nephew, squeeze in our arms, saying: "Oh you, my sweetheart, oh you, my little one!" We are convinced of the above, when the kid breaks free from captivity with a cry: "I am not small, I am big!" You see, and we warned - the goats have this "problem" since childhood.

Sex bummer

Pa-bam! We got almost to the top of the charts. Because a man, although he grimaces, will endure ridicule, play with nodules, but swallow criticism. But everything related to intimacy is terra sancta for him, and hooliganism on this sacred land is more dear to him. It is impossible to enumerate all aspects of sexual relations where male pride is capable of incurring irreparable losses. Because entirely contradictions and inviolable taboos. Judge for yourself: the refusal of closeness to a man offends, he can only justify him if the partner has a through wound in the head. Since she is guided by the rule: "does not want sex with me = does not love = she has another." At the same time, try to tell your boyfriend: “There is only horizontal relationship between us, in principle, it is enough to limit ourselves to communication“ close the curtains ”and“ thank you, everything was fine ”. God, his indignation will be comparable to the power of the Eyjafjallajokull volcano. Because, it turns out, you see in him only an object of sex pleasures, you don’t care about his feelings, and in general, it’s offensive. Those who agree to without obligations and seemingly without feelings, deep down in their hearts are sure: “She loves me anyway. It just hides. "

In addition to the fact that it is undesirable for men to refuse, but it is also impossible to reduce everything only to sex, there is an inexhaustible list of prohibitions. Let's name the most famous: you can't scoff at his dignity (you know how), you can't remember your ex-lovers and conduct a comparative analysis aloud, you can't command at the moment of truth and give instructions. Yes, and criticizing what happened in bed, they say, it happened better - this is generally impossible. If you plan to return to this one. Because men from such resumes become overgrown with complexes and prefer to go around the roundabout way too frank madam.

Anti-Council: There will be no advice. Because there is bed etiquette, because men are alive and vulnerable. And if purely from the experiment, "pour a bullet" about his sex capabilities, it means to sow complexes and insecurity in a person. Be sure, your followers will not thank you for this. In a word, at least out of female solidarity, let's leave male pride alone.

Treason

“... there is no shorter word,” sang Grigory Leps. The word is short, but the consequences are a wagon and a small cart. On our scale, cheating, the preference of another man is the absolute leader. Of the consequences: the minimum is knocking the soil out from under your feet for a while, the maximum is a distorted fate. After all, when you are not needed by the most beloved person, everything else loses its meaning, male pride is not just wounded, it is scattered into atoms. Don't expect anti-advice.

So, you are convinced that male pride extends much wider than from Kaliningrad to Vladivostok? And what to do with its owner, put sirtaki in the center and dance around it? It is desirable. And a man also needs support, faith in his strength, approval and praise. Well, and at the same time love and fidelity - there is no way without it.

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Self-love is an overestimation of one's own strengths, at the same time combined with a zealous attitude towards one's own personality and expressed by a strong sensitivity to one's opinion of oneself. Self-love is noted in each individual, however, it is expressed to varying degrees. Overly self-centered personalities are overly painful to perceive criticism in their address and are incredibly worried when they are denied anything. Injured self-esteem can develop into a completely conscious or unconscious revenge.

Hurt pride

Each of the individuals is a person, represents something of himself, has unique character traits and worldview. This is an absolute and indisputable fact. Yet human psychology includes some points that unite all people. These features include self-esteem, which is one of the characteristics of the human character.

Is vanity good or bad? Psychologists give such a meaning to pride: the individual's protection of his social value, as well as relevance. In other words, self-esteem determines such a character trait, thanks to which the individual becomes smarter, more attractive, grows above himself, maintains value in society.

Is self-esteem a good incentive to improve your life? Everyone will answer this question himself. Some are inclined to believe that self-esteem is good, others that it is an illusion of their own superiority, leading to exaggeration of their own "I". One thing is clear that for each individual there is his own personal motivation and without respect, as well as self-love, intellectual, spiritual and physical growth is impossible. And negative statements, judgments, indications of shortcomings negatively affect the personality, hurting pride.

Each individual reacts to criticism in different ways: someone has a feeling of guilt, someone becomes aggressive, someone has low self-esteem, someone is very irritated, but in any case, the criticism does not go deaf and strikes a blow to pride ...

Not everyone can adequately accept criticism due to their individual characteristics and character traits, but it is important to be able to correctly perceive constructive comments. If it so happened that an unreasonable offense was inflicted on a person, then psychologists advise to accept it as a fait accompli, draw conclusions and move on with life.

The person is very susceptible to social approval. When he is praised, he grows in his own eyes, when criticized, then vice versa. Proud, builds a certain scale of values ​​in his head and tries to achieve it with all his might. It is good when a person strives for useful goals for himself and society, and behavior is destructive when an individual deliberately takes the path of degradation. It must be remembered that vanity itself acts as a catalyst for actions and desires, but not the main reason.

It is sometimes very easy to offend a proud person. To do this, it is enough to say just one word. In this case, there is a heightened self-esteem, when a person exclusively concentrates attention on satisfying his needs and desires, by and large, she is indifferent to others. This overconfidence leads to self-centeredness.

Striving to be the first is referred to as normal, healthy self-esteem. A physically and mentally healthy person is always endowed with this quality. In this case, it is the motivation for professional and personal success.

Vulnerable pride is noted in women, so you should not deliberately offend them, since you can permanently lose good relations with them. Women react sharply to comments about their appearance, way of thinking, and behavior. In adulthood, they are especially sensitive to words of flattery and compliments, so it is better sometimes to be silent than to tell a lie. It is important for the fair sex to feel calm and comfortable, so it is better to refrain from straightforward statements of shortcomings. If such a need exists, then it is better to express it in private. At the same time, the hurt pride will not suffer much, and you will maintain a normal relationship.

Wounded pride

In wounded pride, the bad thing is that the individual perceives criticism in his address painfully, and begins to treat people with suspicion. It is very difficult for a self-loving individual to learn to control himself and competently perceive criticism in his address. In whatever mild form criticism is presented, it is always difficult for people to perceive, and often individuals take it too close to their hearts, especially if the critic is inexperienced or the criticism is not constructive. Not very many people know the art of constructive criticism, therefore it is doubly very difficult and painful to perceive it.

How to respond correctly to criticism if it so happens that the individual has become its object? If a person has been criticized, then, first of all, he should convince himself that he really has something to criticize him for, otherwise he will behave aggressively. At the same time, if a person recognizes the right for other individuals to criticize him, then he can also count on the recognition of some rights for him. For example, the right to be reckoned with, not to humiliate his dignity, not to extend criticism to the individual. Also, the individual has the right to demand that criticism is sounded only in private conversation and not in the presence of strangers and colleagues.

We offer some tips on how a person should behave in such a situation:

If the essence of criticism is not clear, then it is necessary to ask the person who criticizes to clarify what he specifically means;

It is important for a person to learn to separate the content of criticism from the form, if a person is not satisfied with the form, then one can answer as follows: “the criticism is fair - I admit it, but I wanted it not to pass on to the individual”;

If a person does not agree with the criticism, then he must say about this, mentioning, at the same time, expressions that will emphasize that this point of view is his. For example, “I personally think differently” or “it was not so”;

Always maintain eye contact and speak in a non-drooped, cheerful voice without raising your tone.

What does vanity mean? A wounded sick self-esteem is not just an awareness of personal negative aspects of one's character, it is also a defensive reaction of the EGO to internal problems, as well as feedback to the world around us. As a result, with wounded pride, there is resentment towards those people who inflicted it. Offended pride is not a character trait, but acts, as already mentioned, a defensive reaction of a person who has been offended. Often, such an individual becomes immune to criticism, becomes inadequate and incapable of introspection. This happens because the ego of the individual builds a strong shell around its painful core, which is felt like a dull aching pain in the soul. The provoking factors in this case are the lack of love, dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with the reaction of others and oneself. Constant does not allow a person to live fully. Indications of a lack or statements of criticism to a person with heightened pride only provokes him, and the consequence of such painful pride is inappropriate behavior.

Male pride

A blow to vanity offends any person, but in comparison with women's vanity in men it is more acute, as a result of which they become unpredictable, uncontrollable and inadequate. In order not to hurt male pride in family life, a woman needs to learn how to smooth out sharp corners, be able to yield, not touch pain points. It will also not hurt to find out what often annoys men most of all, as well as what women's actions they cannot forgive at all.

Many women perceive the feeling of some kind of impunity as the right to say and do whatever they want, as well as to achieve their goals by any means. A loving man can forgive a woman a lot if it does not go beyond certain limits. When one day such a often docile and gentle man ceases to be controllable, he greatly surprises his beloved half. Therefore, it is very important for a woman to maintain a certain line in a relationship, which cannot be crossed under any circumstances. So what will a man never forgive? Male pride will be very much hurt by female infidelity, which will be very difficult for a man to forgive. Their own infidelity with female infidelity for men is not comparable. They do not attach importance to their betrayal, since they attribute it to a simple need for intimacy. After the betrayal, they continue to consider their woman the most dear. But with female infidelity, everything is different. Often, female infidelity is not accidental, and in most cases there is sympathy, passion, search, as well as the need for affection and tenderness. By cheating, a woman makes it clear to her man that relations with him mean nothing to her. In the case of betrayal, male pride suffers greatly and, even if a man forgives, then the very fact of betrayal is unlikely to ever be forgotten and the relationship will not be the same as it was before.

Men cannot forgive women if they give themselves a dominant role in relationships, and also put themselves above them. Whatever the man is, he wants to feel the main thing and be a protector, as well as a support. A man wants to feel more confident, stronger, even if a woman earns more and knows how to make decisions, as well as implement them. A woman should spare male pride and not take on the role of mistress of the situation in everything. Sooner or later a man will not stand the moral burden, will oppose it and go to the one with whom he will be confident and strong.

In order to maintain a relationship with a man, a woman should never compare him with others. He wants to be the best and the only one for a woman, therefore, comparison with others humiliates him, generates complexes and irritation that can break out of control.

A woman should not emphasize her role as a hostess in the house and voice her husband's shortcomings, as well as the advantages of other men, out loud. In order not to hurt the pride of a man, you must not demonstrate your mind and knowledge to the detriment of the image of your beloved man.

Also, men do not like attempts to manipulate intimate relationships. Refusal of intimacy under the contrived pretext of headache and fatigue is one of the ways to push a man to cheat. And to demand for intimacy the performance of whims, gifts and thus manipulate looks dishonorable.

After getting married, many women relax and try to look good just before they leave the house. Over time, the husband wonders why his wife no longer wants to please him? Even if he does not show a view, you must not forget about it.

How to hurt male pride? Male pride can be greatly hurt when a man is presented in a funny light, and for him it means not recognizing his worth. Women should be careful about making male taunts. This is especially true of intimate opportunities, members of his family, appearance, ability to earn money.

Men do not want to "dance to a woman's tune", do not tolerate cliches and monotony in behavior, do not tolerate the commanding tone of a woman. These listed moments can forever discourage men from communicating with women. Male nature will not tolerate an imposing stereotype of behavior, and will not try to fulfill all the expectations.

In order not to hurt male pride, a woman needs to change stereotypes of behavior, to say less “that's the way it should be,” “that's how everyone does it,” and try to be unpredictable. Men do not tolerate a showdown, they prefer actions to words and rely on impulse, instinct, and long conversations cause irritation and can lead to a break. Therefore, women should not involve a man in a showdown.

A man will never tolerate the flirtation of his chosen one with another man. Such behavior of a woman will anger the man, and self-esteem will be greatly hurt.

How else to hurt male pride? There are also some habits of women that greatly annoy men. These include endless telephone conversations, endless TV shows, a thirst to gossip, aimless shopping trips, and the habit of buying everything. Men close their eyes to many things and try not to focus attention, and also not to notice, but this should not be abused. It is necessary to be able to stop in time, and also to think about whether the husband should act on his nerves, bring him to irritation, indignation and displeasure. To maintain peace and tranquility in the family, as well as for a man to respect and love a woman, it is necessary to respect and spare his pride.

Female pride

The pride of women is so often unreasonably overestimated that, perhaps, offending him with anything and the fair sex immediately turns into a disgusting creature. A woman with hurt pride begins to sarcastically, splurge, offend with the words of the interlocutor. Often, a woman's behavior is not controlled and she is not aware of what she is doing. It is very difficult to get rid of this condition. A woman is haunted by a desire for revenge and anger in her eyes. Minor grievances and misunderstandings provoke an increase in tension in relationships and worsen interpersonal relationships. Therefore, in order to maintain a trusting, sincere, happy relationship, a woman needs to overcome, no matter how difficult it is, hurt pride.

Psychologists note that a blow to self-esteem is easily inflicted by male infidelity. Not all women can turn a blind eye to the numerous male infidelities. And no matter how experts try to explain the reasons for male infidelity, to show the driving motives so that women do not react so emotionally and painfully to it, nothing happens.

Psychologists note that cheating occurs as a result of the weakening of emotional ties between spouses, and it makes the hidden conflict explicit. According to statistics, it is a woman who today in many cases initiates a divorce. Feminine pride pushes to such a decisive step. Before a divorce, a woman decides for herself what is more important for her: personal pride or endurance, love, patience for a person who until recently was close and dear. Often women are outraged: why do psychologists, after their husband's betrayal, urge them to endure ?! It turns out that a wife should, when meeting her husband from work, be charming, feed him delicious meals, provide leisure time and also take care of children.

And if the spouse suddenly finds out about the betrayal, then she needs to calm down, tune in to a neutral wave, visit the hairdresser, hum fashionable songs, watch the wardrobe in order to remind her of her attractiveness. In such a situation, not every woman wants and will be able to behave this way. Therefore, most women choose to get divorced. At the same time, many women are outraged by the fact that psychologists do not urge a husband, who has learned about his wife's betrayal, to take on household chores, try to regain his attractiveness, give gifts to his wife and catch her mood. As if on purpose, the wives believe, the difference between male and female psychology is emphasized.

Undoubtedly, it is necessary to take into account male psychology in family life, since nature has endowed representatives of the stronger sex with emotional stability, will, and all methods on the part of women for re-education are often faced with resistance. Many wives would benefit from adaptability, patience, and affection rather than pushing ahead. Many husbands cannot withstand the pressure in this situation, and cheating is often an infantile attempt at self-affirmation in the eyes of another woman. And if the unfaithful spouse begins to blame for immorality, selfishness, then it is possible only to push him away completely. Undoubtedly, both the stranger and the self-esteem must be reckoned with and not allowed to play out to heightened limits. Therefore, perhaps, nature has endowed women with artistry, spiritual subtlety, deep cordiality, the ability to see with the soul, understand, regret and empathize.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"