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Mikhail Zoshchenko
Funny stories for children (collection)

Stories about Minka's childhood

Teacher of history

The history teacher calls me in a different way than usual. He pronounces my last name in an unpleasant tone. He deliberately squeaks and squeals, pronouncing my last name. And then all the students also begin to squeak and squeal, mimicking the teacher.

I hate being called like that. But I don't know what to do to prevent this from happening.

I stand at the desk and answer the lesson. I answer pretty well. But in the lesson there is the word "banquet".

- What is a banquet? the teacher asks me.

I know perfectly well what a banquet is. This is lunch, food, a solemn meeting at the table, in a restaurant. But I do not know whether such an explanation can be given in relation to great historical people. Isn't this too small an explanation in terms of historical events?

– Ah? the teacher asks, screeching. And in this "ah" I hear mockery and disdain for me.

And, hearing this "a", the students also begin to squeal.

The history teacher waves at me. And gives me a deuce. At the end of the lesson, I run after the teacher. I catch up with him on the stairs. I'm so excited that I can't utter a word. I have a fever.

Seeing me like this, the teacher says:

I'll ask you more at the end of the quarter. Let's get three.

“That's not what I'm talking about,” I say. - If you call me like that again, then I ... I ...

- What? What's happened? the teacher says.

“I’ll spit on you,” I mutter.

- What you said? the teacher shouts ominously. And, grabbing my hand, he pulls me upstairs to the director's room. But suddenly he lets me go. He says: - Go to class.

I go to class and wait for the director to come and kick me out of the gymnasium. But the director does not come.

A few days later the history teacher calls me to the blackboard.

He softly pronounces my last name. And when the students begin to squeal out of habit, the teacher hits the table with his fist and shouts to them:

– Shut up!

There is complete silence in the classroom. I mutter the task, but think of something else. I think of this teacher who didn't complain to the principal and called me in a different way than before. I look at him and tears form in my eyes.

The teacher says:

- Do not worry. At least you know the three.

He thought that I had tears in my eyes because I did not know the lesson well.

Thunderstorm

With my sister Lelya, I walk across the field and pick flowers.

I collect yellow flowers.

Lelya collects blue ones.

Behind us is the younger sister Yulia. She picks white flowers.

We deliberately collect this so that it is more interesting to collect.

Suddenly Lelya says:

- Gentlemen, look what a cloud.

We are looking at the sky. Silently a terrible cloud is approaching. She's so black that everything gets dark around her. She crawls like a monster, enveloping the whole sky.

Lelya says:

- Hurry home. Now there will be a terrible thunderstorm.

We run home. But we run towards the cloud. Right into the jaws of this monster.

The wind blows up suddenly. It spins everything around us.

The dust is rising. Flying dry grass. And the bushes and trees bend.

What is the spirit, we run home.

Now the rain is falling in large drops on our heads.

Terrible lightning and even more terrible thunder shake us. I fall to the ground and, jumping up, run again. I run like a tiger is chasing me.

That's close to home.

I look back. Lyolya drags Yulya by the hand. Julia is crying.

Another hundred steps - and I'm on the porch.

On the porch, Lyolya scolds me why I lost my yellow bouquet. But I didn't lose it, I abandoned it.

I say:

- Since such a thunderstorm, why do we need bouquets?

We hug each other and sit on the bed.

Terrible thunder shakes our dacha.

The rain drummed on the windows and roof.

You can't see anything from the rain.

By Grandma

We are visiting grandma. We sit at the table. Lunch is served.

Our grandmother sits next to grandfather. Grandfather is fat, overweight. He looks like a lion. Grandma looks like a lioness.

The lion and the lioness are sitting at the table.

I keep looking at my grandmother. This is my mother's mother. She has gray hair. And a dark, surprisingly beautiful face. Mom said that in her youth she was an extraordinary beauty.

They bring a bowl of soup.

It is not interesting. I probably won't eat this.

But they bring pies. It's still nothing.

Grandpa pours the soup himself.

As I serve my plate, I say to my grandfather:

- Just one drop for me.

Grandpa holds a pouring spoon over my plate. He drips one drop of soup into my plate.

I am embarrassed looking at this drop.

Everyone laughs.

Grandpa says:

“He asked for one drop himself. So I fulfilled his request.

I didn't want soup, but for some reason I'm offended. I almost cry.

Grandma says:

- Grandpa was joking. Give me your plate, I'll pour it.

I do not give my plate and do not touch the pies.

Grandpa says to my mom:

- This is a bad child. He doesn't understand jokes.

Mom tells me:

- Well, smile same grandfather. Answer him something.

I glare at my grandfather. Quietly I say to him:

“I will never visit you again…

It's not my fault

We go to the table and eat pancakes.

Suddenly, my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I roar.

Father with glasses He has a serious look. Beard. However, he laughs. He says:

See how greedy he is. He is sorry for one pancake for his father.

I say:

- One pancake, please eat. I thought you were eating everything.

They bring soup. I say:

“Daddy, do you want my soup?”

Papa says:

- No, I'll wait until they bring sweets. Now, if you give me sweets, then you are really a good boy.

Thinking that for sweet cranberry jelly with milk, I say:

- You are welcome. You can eat my sweets.

Suddenly they bring a cream to which I am not indifferent.

Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:

Please eat if you are so greedy.

The father frowns and leaves the table.

Mother says:

“Go to your father and ask for forgiveness.

I say:

- I will not go. It's not my fault.

I leave the table without touching the sweet.

In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer of cream in his hands.

Father says:

- Well, why didn't you eat your cream?

I say:

- Dad, let's eat in half. Why should we quarrel over this?

My father kisses me and feeds me cream from a spoon.

chlorophyll

Only two subjects are interesting to me - zoology and botany. The rest is not.

However, history is also interesting to me, but not according to the book we are going through.

I am very upset that I study poorly. But I don't know what needs to be done to prevent this from happening.

Even in botany I have a triple. And I know this subject very well. I read many books and even made a herbarium - an album in which leaves, flowers and herbs are pasted.

Botany teacher says something in class. Then he says:

Why are the leaves green? Who knows?

There is silence in the class.

“I’ll give an A to someone who knows,” the teacher says.

I know why the leaves are green, but I am silent. I don't want to be an upstart. Let the first students answer. Besides, I don't need an A. That she alone will stick around among my deuces and triples? It's comical.

The teacher calls the first student. But he doesn't know.

Then I casually raise my hand.

“Ah, that’s how it is,” the teacher says, “you know. Well, tell me.

“The leaves are green,” I say, “because they contain the dye chlorophyll.

The teacher says:

“Before I give you a five, I need to know why you didn’t raise your hand right away.

I am silent. This is very difficult to answer.

“Maybe you didn’t remember right away? the teacher asks.

No, I immediately remembered.

– Maybe you wanted to be higher than the first students?

I am silent. Shaking his head reproachfully, the teacher puts a five.

In the zoological garden

Mother is holding my hand. We are walking along the path.

Mother says:

Let's see the animals later. First there will be a competition for children.

We're going to the site. There are many children there.

Each child is given a bag. You need to get into this bag and tie it around your chest.

Here are the bags tied. And children in bags are put on a white line.

Someone is waving a flag and shouting "Run!"

Confused in bags, we run. Many children fall and roar. Some of them get up and run away crying.

I almost fall too. But then, contriving, I move quickly in this bag of mine.

I go to the table first. Music is playing. And everyone clap. And they give me a box of marmalade, a flag and a picture book.

I walk up to my mother, clutching the gifts to my chest.

On the bench, my mother cleans me up. She combs my hair and wipes my soiled face with a handkerchief.

After that we go to see the monkeys.

I wonder if monkeys eat marmalade? You have to feed them.

I want to treat the monkeys with marmalade, but suddenly I see that there is no box in my hands ...

Mom says:

We must have left the box on the bench.

I run to the bench. But my box of marmalade is no longer there.

I cry so that the monkeys pay attention to me.

Mom says:

They must have stolen our box. Never mind, I'll buy you another one.

- I want this one! I shout so loudly that the tiger shudders and the elephant raises its trunk.

So simple

We are sitting in a cart. A reddish peasant horse runs briskly along a dusty road.

The master's son Vasyutka rules the horse. He casually holds the reins in his hands and from time to time shouts at the horse:

- Well, well, go ... fell asleep ...

The horse did not fall asleep at all, she runs well. But that's probably how it's supposed to be shouted.

My hands are burning - so I want to hold the reins, straighten them and shout at the horse. But I don't dare to ask Vasyutka about it.

Suddenly Vasyutka himself says:

- Come on, hold the reins. I will smoke.

Sister Lelya says to Vasyutka:

No, don't give him the reins. He doesn't know how to rule.

Vasutka says:

- What do you mean he can't? There is nothing to know here.

And now the reins are in my hands. I hold them at arm's length.

Holding on tightly to the cart, Lelya says:

- Well, now there will be a story - he will certainly overturn us.

At this moment, the cart bounces on a bump.

Lela screams:

- OK, it is clear. Now she will turn us around.

I also suspect that the cart will tip over, because the reins are in my unskillful hands. But no, having jumped on a bump, the cart rolls smoothly on.

Proud of my success, I pat the horse's sides with the reins and shout: "Well, fell asleep!"

Suddenly I see a turn in the road.

Hastily I ask Vasyutka:

- What reins to pull so that the horse runs to the right?

Vasyutka calmly says:

- Pull the right one.

- How many times to pull the right? I ask.

Vasyutka shrugs.

- Once.

I pull the right rein, and suddenly, like in a fairy tale, the horse runs to the right.

But for some reason I am upset, annoyed. So simple. I thought it was much more difficult to steer a horse. I thought there was a whole science to be studied for years. And here is such nonsense.

I hand over the reins to Vasyutka. Not particularly interesting.

Lelya and Minka

Christmas tree

This year, guys, I turned forty years old. So, it turns out that I saw the Christmas tree forty times. It's a lot!

Well, for the first three years of my life, I probably did not understand what a Christmas tree was. Probably, my mother endured me on her arms. And, probably, with my black little eyes I looked at the painted tree without interest.

And when I, children, hit five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree is.

And I was looking forward to this happy holiday. And even in the crack of the door I peeped how my mother decorates the Christmas tree.

And my sister Lelya was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl.

She once told me:

- Minka, mom went to the kitchen. Let's go to the room where the tree stands and see what's going on there.

So my sister Lelya and I entered the room. And we see: a very beautiful Christmas tree. And under the tree are gifts. And on the Christmas tree there are multi-colored beads, flags, lanterns, golden nuts, pastilles and Crimean apples.

My sister Lelya says:

We won't look at gifts. Instead, let's just eat one lozenge each.

And now she comes up to the Christmas tree and instantly eats one lozenge hanging on a thread.

I say:

- Lyolya, if you ate a lozenge, then I will also eat something now.

And I go up to the tree and bite off a small piece of an apple.

Lelya says:

- Minka, if you bit off an apple, then I’ll eat another lozenge now and, in addition, I’ll take this candy for myself.

And Lyolya was a very tall, long-knit girl. And she could reach high.

She stood on tiptoe and began to eat the second lozenge with her big mouth.

And I was surprisingly short. And I could hardly get anything, except for one apple, which hung low.

I say:

- If you, Lyolisha, ate the second lozenge, then I will bite off this apple again.

And I again take this apple with my hands and bite it off a little again.

Lelya says:

- If you have bitten off an apple for the second time, then I will no longer stand on ceremony and now I will eat the third lozenge and, in addition, I will take a cracker and a nut as a keepsake.

Then I almost cried. Because she could reach everything, but I could not.

I tell her:

- And I, Lyolisha, how will I put a chair by the Christmas tree and how will I get myself something, too, except for an apple.

And so I began to pull a chair to the Christmas tree with my thin little hands. But the chair fell on me. I wanted to lift a chair. But he fell again. And straight to gifts.

Lelya says:

– Minka, you seem to have broken the doll. And there is. You took the porcelain handle from the doll.

Then my mother's steps were heard, and Lelya and I ran into another room.

Lelya says:

“Now, Minka, I can’t guarantee that your mother won’t kick you out.”

I wanted to cry, but at that moment the guests arrived. Lots of kids with their parents.

And then our mother lit all the candles on the Christmas tree, opened the door and said:

- Everyone come in.

And all the children entered the room where the Christmas tree stood.

Our mom says:

“Now let every child come to me, and I will give everyone a toy and a treat.

And then the children began to approach our mother. And she gave everyone a toy. Then she took an apple, a lozenge and a candy from the tree and also gave it to the child.

And all the children were very happy. Then my mother picked up the apple that I had bitten off and said:

- Lyolya and Minka, come here. Which one of you took a bite of that apple?

Lelya said:

- This is Minka's work.

I pulled Lelya's pigtail and said:

- It was Lyolka who taught me.

Mom says:

- I'll put Lyolya in a corner with his nose, and I wanted to give you a clockwork engine. But now I will give this clockwork engine to the boy to whom I wanted to give a bitten apple.

And she took the little engine and gave it to one four-year-old boy. And he immediately began to play with him.

And I got angry with this boy and hit him on the arm with a toy. And he roared so desperately that his own mother took him in her arms and said:

“From now on, I will not come to visit you with my boy.

And I said

- You can leave, and then the engine will remain with me.

And that mother was surprised at my words and said:

“Your boy will probably be a robber.”

And then my mother took me in her arms and said to that mother:

Don't you dare talk about my boy like that. Better go with your scrofulous child and never come to us again.

And that mother said:

“I will. Hanging with you is like sitting in nettles.

And then another, third mother, said:

“And I'll leave too. My girl didn't deserve to be given a doll with a broken arm.

And my sister Lelya screamed:

“You can also leave with your scrofulous child. And then the doll with the broken handle will be left to me.

And then I, sitting in my mother's arms, shouted:

- In general, you can all leave, and then all the toys will remain with us.

And then all the guests began to leave.

And our mother was surprised that we were left alone.

But suddenly our dad came into the room.

He said:

“That kind of upbringing is ruining my children. I don't want them to fight, quarrel and kick guests out. It will be difficult for them to live in the world, and they will die alone.

And dad went to the Christmas tree and put out all the candles. Then he said:

- Go to bed immediately. And tomorrow I will give all the toys to the guests.

And now, guys, thirty-five years have passed since then, and I still remember this tree well.

And in all these thirty-five years, I, children, have never again eaten someone else's apple and never hit someone who is weaker than me. And now the doctors say that's why I'm so comparatively cheerful and good-natured.

Do not lie

I studied for a very long time. Then there were high schools. And the teachers then put marks in the diary for each lesson asked. They put some score - from five to one inclusive.

And I was very small when I entered the gymnasium, the preparatory class. I was only seven years old.

And I still didn’t know anything about what happens in gymnasiums. And for the first three months, I literally walked in a fog.

And then one day the teacher told us to memorize a poem:

The moon is merrily shining over the village,
White snow sparkles with a blue light ...

I didn't learn this poem. I didn't hear what the teacher said. I didn’t hear because the boys who were sitting behind me either slapped me on the back of the head with a book, or smeared ink on my ear, or pulled my hair, and when I jumped up in surprise, they put a pencil or insert under me. And for this reason, I sat in the classroom, frightened and even stunned, and all the time I listened to what else the boys sitting behind were planning against me.

And the next day, the teacher, as luck would have it, called me and ordered me to read the assigned poem by heart.

And not only did I not know him, but I did not even suspect that such poems existed in the world. But out of timidity, I did not dare to tell the teacher that I did not know these verses. And he stood at his desk, completely stunned, without uttering a word.

But then the boys began to suggest these verses to me. And because of this, I began to babble what they whispered to me.

And at that time I had a chronic runny nose, and I could not hear well with one ear, and therefore it was difficult to make out what they told me.

Even the first lines I somehow said. But when it came to the phrase: "The cross under the clouds burns like a candle," I said: "Crack under the clouds, like a candle hurts."

There was laughter among the students. And the teacher laughed too. He said:

- Come on, give me your diary! I'll put one in there for you.

And I cried because it was my first unit and I didn't know what it was.

After the lessons, my sister Lelya came for me to go home together.

On the way, I took a diary out of my knapsack, unfolded it on the page where the unit was placed, and said to Lelya:

- Lelya, look what it is? This was given to me by the teacher for the poem "The moon is merrily shining over the village."

Leia looked up and laughed. She said:

- Minka, this is bad! It was your teacher who slapped you a unit in the Russian language. This is so bad that I doubt that dad will give you a photographic camera for your name day, which will be in two weeks.

I said:

– But what to do?

Lelya said:

- One of our students took and sealed two pages in her diary, where she had one. Her dad licked his fingers, but he couldn’t peel it off and never saw what was there.

I said:

- Lyolya, it's not good to deceive your parents!

Lelya laughed and went home. And in a sad mood I went into the city garden, sat down on a bench there and, having unfolded the diary, looked with horror at the unit.

I sat in the garden for a long time. Then he went home. But as he approached the house, he suddenly remembered that he had left his diary on a bench in the garden. I ran back. But my diary was no longer on the bench in the garden. At first I was frightened, and then I was glad that now I don’t have a diary with this terrible unit with me.

I came home and told my father that I had lost my diary. And Lyolya laughed and winked at me when she heard these words of mine.

The next day, the teacher, having learned that I had lost the diary, gave me a new one.

I opened this new diary with the hope that this time there was nothing wrong with it, but there was again a unit against the Russian language, even bolder than before.

And then I felt such annoyance and was so angry that I threw this diary behind the bookcase, which was in our classroom.

Two days later, the teacher, having learned that I did not have this diary either, filled out a new one. And, in addition to the unit in the Russian language, he brought me a deuce there in behavior. And he told my father to look at my diary without fail.

When I met Lelya after school, she told me:

“It won't be a lie if we temporarily seal the page. And a week after your name day, when you get your camera, we'll peel it off and show dad what was in there.

I really wanted to get a photographic camera, and Lyolya and I glued the corners of the ill-fated page of the diary.

In the evening my father said:

- Come on, show me your diary! Interesting to know if you picked up units?

Dad began to look at the diary, but he didn’t see anything bad there, because the page was sealed.

And when dad was looking at my diary, suddenly someone called on the stairs.

A woman came and said:

- The other day I was walking in the city garden and there I found a diary on a bench. I learned the address by the last name and brought it to you so that you could tell if your son had lost this diary.

Dad looked at the diary and, seeing a unit there, understood everything.

He didn't yell at me. He just said softly:

- People who lie and deceive are funny and comical, because sooner or later their lies will always be revealed. And there was no case in the world that any of the lies remained unknown.

I, red as a cancer, stood in front of my dad, and I was ashamed of his quiet words.

I said:

- Here's what: another of my, third, diary with a unit I threw at school behind a bookcase.

Instead of getting even angrier with me, dad smiled and beamed. He grabbed me in his arms and started kissing me.

He said:

“The fact that you confessed this made me extremely happy. You admitted that you could remain unknown for a long time. And it gives me hope that you won't lie anymore. And for this I will give you a camera.

When Lelya heard these words, she thought that dad had gone crazy in his mind and now he gives everyone gifts not for fives, but for ones.

And then Lyolya went up to dad and said:

“Daddy, I also got an A in physics today because I didn’t learn my lesson.

But Lely's expectations were not justified. Dad got angry with her, kicked her out of his room and told her to immediately sit down to books.

And in the evening, when we went to bed, the phone suddenly rang.

It was my teacher who came to my father. And said to him:

- Today we had a cleaning in the classroom, and behind the bookcase we found your son's diary. How do you like this little liar and deceiver who abandoned his diary so that you would not see him?

Papa said:

– I have personally heard about this diary from my son. He confessed this to me himself. So there is no reason to think that my son is an incorrigible liar and deceiver.

The teacher said to dad:

- Oh, that's how. You already know about it. In this case, it's a misunderstanding. Sorry. Good night.

And I, lying in my bed, hearing these words, wept bitterly. I made a promise to myself to always tell the truth.

And I really do this all the time and now I do it.

Ah, it is sometimes very difficult, but my heart is cheerful and calm.

Attention! This is an introductory section of the book.

If you liked the beginning of the book, then the full version can be purchased from our partner - the distributor of legal content LLC "LitRes".

Mikhail Zoshchenko

Funny stories for children (collection)

Stories about Minka's childhood

Teacher of history

The history teacher calls me in a different way than usual. He pronounces my last name in an unpleasant tone. He deliberately squeaks and squeals, pronouncing my last name. And then all the students also begin to squeak and squeal, mimicking the teacher.

I hate being called like that. But I don't know what to do to prevent this from happening.

I stand at the desk and answer the lesson. I answer pretty well. But in the lesson there is the word "banquet".

- What is a banquet? the teacher asks me.

I know perfectly well what a banquet is. This is lunch, food, a solemn meeting at the table, in a restaurant. But I do not know whether such an explanation can be given in relation to great historical people. Isn't this too small an explanation in terms of historical events?

– Ah? the teacher asks, screeching. And in this "ah" I hear mockery and disdain for me.

And, hearing this "a", the students also begin to squeal.

The history teacher waves at me. And gives me a deuce. At the end of the lesson, I run after the teacher. I catch up with him on the stairs. I'm so excited that I can't utter a word. I have a fever.

Seeing me like this, the teacher says:

I'll ask you more at the end of the quarter. Let's get three.

“That's not what I'm talking about,” I say. - If you call me like that again, then I ... I ...

- What? What's happened? the teacher says.

“I’ll spit on you,” I mutter.

- What you said? the teacher shouts ominously. And, grabbing my hand, he pulls me upstairs to the director's room. But suddenly he lets me go. He says: - Go to class.

I go to class and wait for the director to come and kick me out of the gymnasium. But the director does not come.

A few days later the history teacher calls me to the blackboard.

He softly pronounces my last name. And when the students begin to squeal out of habit, the teacher hits the table with his fist and shouts to them:

– Shut up!

There is complete silence in the classroom. I mutter the task, but think of something else. I think of this teacher who didn't complain to the principal and called me in a different way than before. I look at him and tears form in my eyes.

The teacher says:

- Do not worry. At least you know the three.

He thought that I had tears in my eyes because I did not know the lesson well.

With my sister Lelya, I walk across the field and pick flowers.

I collect yellow flowers.

Lelya collects blue ones.

Behind us is the younger sister Yulia. She picks white flowers.

We deliberately collect this so that it is more interesting to collect.

Suddenly Lelya says:

- Gentlemen, look what a cloud.

We are looking at the sky. Silently a terrible cloud is approaching. She's so black that everything gets dark around her. She crawls like a monster, enveloping the whole sky.

Lelya says:

- Hurry home. Now there will be a terrible thunderstorm.

We run home. But we run towards the cloud. Right into the jaws of this monster.

The wind blows up suddenly. It spins everything around us.

The dust is rising. Flying dry grass. And the bushes and trees bend.

What is the spirit, we run home.

Now the rain is falling in large drops on our heads.

Terrible lightning and even more terrible thunder shake us. I fall to the ground and, jumping up, run again. I run like a tiger is chasing me.

That's close to home.

I look back. Lyolya drags Yulya by the hand. Julia is crying.

Another hundred steps - and I'm on the porch.

On the porch, Lyolya scolds me why I lost my yellow bouquet. But I didn't lose it, I abandoned it.

I say:

- Since such a thunderstorm, why do we need bouquets?

We hug each other and sit on the bed.

Terrible thunder shakes our dacha.

The rain drummed on the windows and roof.

You can't see anything from the rain.

By Grandma

We are visiting grandma. We sit at the table. Lunch is served.

Our grandmother sits next to grandfather. Grandfather is fat, overweight. He looks like a lion. Grandma looks like a lioness.

The lion and the lioness are sitting at the table.

I keep looking at my grandmother. This is my mother's mother. She has gray hair. And a dark, surprisingly beautiful face. Mom said that in her youth she was an extraordinary beauty.

They bring a bowl of soup.

It is not interesting. I probably won't eat this.

But they bring pies. It's still nothing.

Grandpa pours the soup himself.

As I serve my plate, I say to my grandfather:

- Just one drop for me.

Grandpa holds a pouring spoon over my plate. He drips one drop of soup into my plate.

I am embarrassed looking at this drop.

Everyone laughs.

Grandpa says:

“He asked for one drop himself. So I fulfilled his request.

I didn't want soup, but for some reason I'm offended. I almost cry.

Grandma says:

- Grandpa was joking. Give me your plate, I'll pour it.

I do not give my plate and do not touch the pies.

Grandpa says to my mom:

- This is a bad child. He doesn't understand jokes.

Mom tells me:

- Well, smile same grandfather. Answer him something.

I glare at my grandfather. Quietly I say to him:

“I will never visit you again…

It's not my fault

We go to the table and eat pancakes.

Suddenly, my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I roar.

Father with glasses He has a serious look. Beard. However, he laughs. He says:

See how greedy he is. He is sorry for one pancake for his father.

I say:

- One pancake, please eat. I thought you were eating everything.

They bring soup. I say:

“Daddy, do you want my soup?”

Papa says:

- No, I'll wait until they bring sweets. Now, if you give me sweets, then you are really a good boy.

Thinking that for sweet cranberry jelly with milk, I say:

- You are welcome. You can eat my sweets.

Suddenly they bring a cream to which I am not indifferent.

Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:

Please eat if you are so greedy.

The father frowns and leaves the table.

Mother says:

“Go to your father and ask for forgiveness.

I say:

- I will not go. It's not my fault.

I leave the table without touching the sweet.

In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer of cream in his hands.

Father says:

- Well, why didn't you eat your cream?

I say:

- Dad, let's eat in half. Why should we quarrel over this?

My father kisses me and feeds me cream from a spoon.

chlorophyll

Only two subjects are interesting to me - zoology and botany. The rest is not.

However, history is also interesting to me, but not according to the book we are going through.

I am very upset that I study poorly. But I don't know what needs to be done to prevent this from happening.

Even in botany I have a triple. And I know this subject very well. I read many books and even made a herbarium - an album in which leaves, flowers and herbs are pasted.

There lived a little boy Pavlik in Leningrad.

He had a mother. And there was dad. And there was a grandmother.

And in addition, a cat called Bubenchik lived in their apartment.

That morning, my dad went to work. Mom left too. And Pavlik stayed with his grandmother.

And my grandmother was very old. And she loved to sleep in the armchair.

So dad is gone. And mom left. Grandma sat down in a chair. And Pavlik began to play with his cat on the floor. He wanted her to walk on her hind legs. But she didn't want to. And meowed very plaintively.

Suddenly, the bell rang on the stairs.

Grandmother and Pavlik went to open the doors.

It's the postman.

He brought a letter.

Pavlik took the letter and said:

- I'll tell my dad.

The postman has left. Pavlik wanted to play with his cat again. And suddenly he sees - the cat is nowhere to be found.

Peacock says to grandmother:

- Grandma, that's the number - our Bell is gone.

Grandma says:

- Probably Bubenchik ran to the stairs when we opened the door for the postman.

Peacock says:

– No, it must have been the postman who took my Bell. He probably gave us a letter on purpose, and took my trained cat for himself. It was a cunning postman.

Grandmother laughed and said jokingly:

- Tomorrow the postman will come, we will give him this letter and in return we will take our cat back from him.

Here the grandmother sat down in a chair and fell asleep.

And Pavlik put on his overcoat and cap, took the letter, and quietly went out onto the stairs.

“Better,” he thinks, “I will now give the letter to the postman. And I'd rather take my kitty from him now.

Here Pavlik went out into the yard. And he sees that there is no postman in the yard.

Peacock went outside. And walked down the street. And he sees that there is no postman anywhere on the street either.

Suddenly, one red-haired aunt says:

“Ah, look, everyone, what a little kid is walking alone down the street! He must have lost his mother and got lost. Ah, call the policeman soon!

Here comes a policeman with a whistle. Aunt says to him:

“Look, what a boy of about five got lost.

Policeman says:

This boy is holding a letter in his pen. Probably, on this letter is written the address where he lives. We will read this address and deliver the child home. It's good that he took the letter with him.

Auntie says:

- In America, many parents put letters in their children's pockets on purpose so that they do not get lost.

And with these words, the aunt wants to take a letter from Pavlik. Peacock says to her:

– What are you worried about? I know where I live.

The aunt was surprised that the boy had told her so boldly. And almost fell into a puddle from excitement.

Then he says:

“Look, what a smart boy. Let him then tell us where he lives.

Peacock replies:

- Fontanka Street, eight.

The policeman looked at the letter and said:

– Wow, this is a fighting child – he knows where he lives.

Aunt says to Pavlik:

- What is your name and who is your father?

Peacock says:

- My dad is a driver. Mom went to the store. Grandma is sleeping in a chair. And my name is Pavlik.

The policeman laughed and said:

- This is a fighting, demonstrative child - he knows everything. He will probably be a police chief when he grows up.

The aunt says to the policeman:

Take this boy home.

The policeman says to Pavlik:

“Well, little comrade, let’s go home.”

Pavlik says to the policeman:

Give me your hand and I will take you to my house. Here is my beautiful house.

Here the policeman laughed. And the red-haired aunt also laughed.

The policeman said:

- This is an exceptionally fighting, demonstrative child. Not only does he know everything, he also wants to bring me home. This child will certainly be the head of the police.

So the policeman gave his hand to Pavlik, and they went home.

As soon as they reached their house, suddenly mom was coming.

Mom was surprised that Pavlik was walking down the street, she took him in her arms and brought him home.

At home, she scolded him a little. She said:

- Oh, you nasty boy, why did you run into the street?

Peacock said:

- I wanted to take my Bubenchik from the postman. And then my Bubenchik disappeared, and, probably, the postman took it.

Mom said:

- What nonsense! Postmen never take cats. There is your bell sitting on the closet.

Peacock says:

- That's the number. Look where my trained kitty jumped.

Mom says:

- Probably, you, a nasty boy, tormented her, so she climbed onto the closet.

Suddenly my grandmother woke up.

Grandmother, not knowing what happened, tells her mother:

– Today Pavlik was very quiet and well-behaved. And he didn't even wake me up. You should give him candy for that.

Mom says:

- He should not be given candy, but put in a corner with his nose. He ran outside today.

Grandma says:

- That's the number.

Suddenly dad comes. Dad wanted to get angry, why the boy ran out into the street. But Pavlik gave dad a letter.

Papa says:

This letter is not for me, but for my grandmother.

Then she says:

- In the city of Moscow, my youngest daughter had another child.

Peacock says:

“Probably a war baby was born. And he will probably be the head of the police.

Everyone laughed and sat down to eat.

The first one was soup with rice. On the second - cutlets. On the third was kissel.

The cat Bubenchik looked for a long time from her closet as Pavlik was eating. Then I could not stand it and also decided to eat a little.

She jumped from the closet to the dresser, from the dresser to the chair, from the chair to the floor.

And then Pavlik gave her a little soup and a little jelly.

And the cat was very pleased with it.

Coward Vasya

Vasya's father was a blacksmith.

He worked at the forge. He made horseshoes, hammers and hatchets there.

And he went to the forge every day on his horse.

He had, wow, a nice black horse.

He harnessed her to the cart and rode.

And in the evening he returned.

And his son, a six-year-old boy Vasya, was a fan of a little ride.

Father, for example, comes home, gets off the cart, and Vasyutka immediately climbs in there and rides all the way to the forest.

And his father, of course, did not allow him to do this.

And the horse also did not really allow. And when Vasyutka climbed into the cart, the horse looked askance at him. And she waved her tail, - they say, get off, boy, from my cart. But Vasya whipped the horse with a rod, and then it hurt a little, and she quietly ran.

One evening my father returned home. Vasya immediately climbed into the cart, whipped the horse with a rod and left the yard for a ride. And he was in a fighting mood today - he wanted to ride far away.

And so he rides through the woods and whips his black skate so that he runs faster.

Mikhail Zoshchenko

Stories for children

smart animals

Elephants and monkeys are said to be very intelligent animals. But other animals aren't stupid either. Here, look what smart animals I saw.

smart goose

One goose was walking in the yard and found a dry crust of bread.

Here the goose began to peck this crust with its beak in order to break it and eat it. But the crust was very dry. And the goose couldn't break it. And the goose did not dare to swallow the whole crust at once, because this, probably, was not good for the goose's health.

Then I wanted to break this crust so that it would be easier for the goose to eat. But the goose would not let me touch its rind. He must have thought I wanted to eat it myself.

Then I stepped aside and see what happens next.

Suddenly the goose takes this crust with its beak and goes to the puddle.

He puts this crust in a puddle. The crust becomes soft in water. And then the goose eats it with pleasure.

It was a smart goose. But the fact that he didn't let me break the crust shows that he wasn't all that smart. Not that he was a fool, but he was still a little behind in his mental development.

smart chicken

One chicken was walking in the yard with chickens. She has nine little chickens.

Suddenly, a shaggy dog ​​ran up from somewhere.

This dog crept up on the chickens and grabbed one.

Then all the other chickens got scared and rushed in all directions.

Kura, too, was very frightened at first and ran. But then he looks - what a scandal: the dog is holding her little chicken in her teeth. And probably wants to eat it.

Then the chicken boldly ran up to the dog. She jumped up a little and pecked the dog painfully in the eye.

The dog opened its mouth in surprise. And the chicken was released. And he quickly ran away. And the dog looked at who pecked her in the eye.

And when she saw the chicken, she became angry and rushed at her. But then the owner ran up, grabbed the dog by the collar and took it away with him.

And the chicken, as if nothing had happened, gathered all her chickens, counted them and again began to walk around the yard.

It was a very smart chicken.

Silly thief and smart pig

At the dacha of our owner there was a piglet. And the owner closed this piglet in a barn for the night so that no one would steal it.

But one thief still wanted to steal this pig.

He broke the lock at night and made his way into the barn.

And piglets always squeal very loudly when they are picked up. So the thief took a blanket with him.

And as soon as the piglet wanted to squeal, the thief quickly wrapped him in a blanket and quietly walked out of the shed with him.

Here is a pig squealing and floundering in a blanket. But the owners do not hear his screams, because it was a thick blanket. And the thief wrapped the pig very tightly.

Suddenly the thief feels that the pig is no longer moving in the blanket. And he stopped screaming. And lies without any movement.

The thief thinks:

“Maybe I twirled it with the blanket very tightly. And maybe the poor little pig suffocated there.”

The thief quickly unfolded the blanket to see what was happening with the piglet, and the piglet would jump out of his hands, how it would squeal, how it would rush to the side.

Here the owners came running. They caught the thief.

Vor says:

- Oh, what a pig this cunning piglet is. He must have pretended to be dead on purpose so I could let him out. Or maybe he fainted from fear.

The owner says to the thief:

“No, my piglet didn’t faint, but it was he who pretended to be dead on purpose so that you would untie the blanket.” This is a very smart pig, thanks to which we caught the thief.

Very smart horse

In addition to the goose, chicken and pig, I saw many more intelligent animals. And I will tell you about this later.

In the meantime, I must say a few words about smart horses.

Dogs eat boiled meat.

Cats drink milk and eat birds. Cows eat grass. Bulls also eat grass and butt people. Tigers, these impudent animals, eat raw meat. Monkeys eat nuts and apples. Chickens peck crumbs and various garbage.

Can you tell me what the horse eats?

The horse eats such healthy food that children eat.

Horses eat oats. And oats are oatmeal and oats.

And children eat oatmeal and oatmeal, and thanks to this they are strong, healthy and courageous.

No, horses are not fools for eating oats.

Horses are very smart animals because they eat such a healthy baby food. In addition, horses love sugar, which also shows that they are not stupid.

smart bird

One boy was walking in the forest and found a nest. And in the nest sat tiny naked chicks. And they squeaked.

They were probably waiting for their mother to fly in and feed them worms and flies.

Here the boy was delighted that he had found such glorious chicks, and he wanted to take one to bring him home.

As soon as he stretched out his hand to the chicks, when suddenly some feathered bird fell from a tree like a stone at his feet.

She fell and lay in the grass.

The boy wanted to grab this bird, but it jumped a little, jumped on the ground and ran off to the side.

Then the boy ran after her. “Probably,” he thinks, “this bird has hurt its wing, and therefore it cannot fly.”

As soon as the boy approached this bird, and she again jumped, jumped on the ground and again ran back a little.

The boy follows her again. The bird flew up a little and again sat down in the grass.

Then the boy took off his hat and wanted to cover the bird with this hat.

As soon as he ran up to her, she suddenly fluttered and flew away.

The boy was directly angry with this bird. And he went back as soon as possible to take at least one chick for himself.

And suddenly the boy sees that he has lost the place where the nest was, and cannot find it in any way.

Then the boy realized that this bird had deliberately fallen from the tree and purposely ran along the ground in order to take the boy away from its nest.

So the boy did not find the chick.

He gathered some wild strawberries, ate them and went home.

Clever dog

I had a big dog. Her name was Jim.

It was a very expensive dog. It cost three hundred rubles.

And in the summer, when I lived in the country, some thieves stole this dog from me. They lured her with meat and took her away with them.

So I searched, searched for this dog and did not find it anywhere.

And so I once came to the city to my city apartment. And I sit there, grieving that I lost such a wonderful dog.

Suddenly I hear someone on the stairs call.

I open the door. And you can imagine - my dog ​​is sitting in front of me on the playground.

And some upstairs tenant says to me:

- Oh, what a smart dog you have - she just called herself. She poked her muzzle into the electric bell and rang for you to open the door for her.

It's a pity that dogs can't talk. Otherwise, she would tell who stole her and how she got into the city. Probably, the thieves brought it by train to Leningrad and wanted to sell it there. But she ran away from them and, probably, ran through the streets for a long time until she found her familiar house, where she lived in the winter.

Then she climbed the stairs to the fourth floor. She lay at our door. Then she sees that no one opens it, she took it and called.

Ah, I was very glad that my dog ​​was found, kissed her and bought her a big piece of meat.

Relatively smart cat

One housewife left on business and forgot that she had a cat in the kitchen.

And the cat had three kittens that had to be fed all the time.

Our cat got hungry and started looking for something to eat.

And there was no food in the kitchen.

Then the cat went out into the corridor. But she also did not find anything good in the corridor.

Then the cat came up to one room and felt through the door that something pleasant smelled there. And then the cat paw began to open this door.

And in this room lived an aunt who was terribly afraid of thieves.

And now this aunt sits by the window, eats pies and trembles with fear.

And suddenly she sees that the door to her room quietly opens.

The aunt, frightened, says:

- Oh, who's there?

But no one answers.

The aunt thought it was thieves, opened the window and jumped out into the yard.

And it's good that she, a fool, lived on the first floor, otherwise she probably would have broken her leg or something. And then she only got a little hurt and bloodied her nose.

Here the aunt ran to call the janitor, and in the meantime our cat opened the door with her paw, found four pies on the window, ate them and again went to the kitchen to her kittens.

Here comes the janitor with his aunt. And he sees that there is no one in the apartment.

The janitor was angry with the aunt - why did she call him in vain - scolded her and left.

And the aunt sat down by the window and again wanted to do pies. And suddenly he sees: there are no pies.

The aunt thought that it was she who ate them herself and forgot from fear. And then she went to bed hungry.

And in the morning the hostess arrived and began to carefully feed the cat.