How not to sin at all. How not to sin? Conversation with a believer. From the point of view of psychology

Reader question:

Hello, father! Please tell me what to do so as not to be a sinner? I'm 28 years old. And, unfortunately, I had very serious sins. I recently confessed all my sins in Jerusalem. Communion. She was in a very nice service. The father appointed a penance. I did everything the right way. And I am grateful to God that He gave me a chance to get rid of these grave sins that did not allow me to live and which I was afraid to confess for a long time. Just at one fine moment, something told me that I should be closer to God and this can no longer continue. And I really want to be closer to God. Now I go to church and fast. I don't want to repeat those sins again. And I try, and I see - the soul is cleansed and grows, I feel calm. But I have a problem that I can't solve. And I continue to sin because of it. The father with whom I spoke said that you need to replace your sins with good. For example, fornication-chastity. One of the sins was precisely fornication, an intimate relationship with a man who is 23 years older than me. He is very kind, sincere and good, we are very good friends, he is my great support and I will always support him. He does not have a wife, and he treats me in awe. I really appreciate him and love him as a friend. I would not want to lose him, we have been friends for about 8 years, and we had a prodigal relationship with him only for a year (more precisely, only 3 times a year, and the rest of the time we just saw each other, talked, he always hugged like a woman). But this fornication cannot continue any longer precisely because it contradicts God. What should I do if I don't want to indulge in sin anymore? Don't want him to treat me like a woman? I'm hiding. He calls, writes .. I don’t pick up the phone ... He worries, worries .. But I don’t know how to say everything. Just disappearing is not right, it's a betrayal. He is like a kindred spirit to me. But this is not the love of a man and a woman. Father, please help me to do the right thing in this situation. I suffer a lot, I am tormented, and therefore I continue to sin.

Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:

Good afternoon! Praise God that such great changes have taken place in your life! As for fornication, you understand that the problem is not that he is older than you, but that there were intimate relationships outside of marriage. If you really have such a wonderful friendship, then you should openly and honestly tell your friend that very serious changes have taken place in your inner life, and from now on your relationship with God and the commandments that He gave, and the experience of those holy people who built their lives according to His commandments. Accordingly, sexual relations are acceptable for you only in the context of marriage, and other communication should not go beyond professional cooperation or friendship. There is no need to run away and hide, it is necessary to voice the person what is. If your friendship continues as a friendship, then thank God. If not, you don’t need to deceive yourself or the other person, because, then, it wasn’t a friendship, but a relationship of a different kind. Having a firm conviction to move away from sin, do not be afraid to lose some temporary earthly blessings. The Lord will manage. Before speaking, pray hard to God and the Mother of God for your strengthening, determination and wisdom.

In fact, all those qualities that religion calls sins are instincts that ruled us - long before we first looked into the sky. Try to imagine a living being incapable of anger and fornication. Now ask yourself the question: how long will it live and will it be able to reproduce? We answer: he will not live long, he will not leave offspring. But we are still people, not animals, right? And in order for us not to gnaw each other in the competition for a resource, instincts were recognized as sins. And we were ordered to fight them with all our weak forces. Otherwise, in a better world, they will do us a-ta-ta. But at the same time, a loophole for those who stumbled (in fact, for everyone) was left: if you sinned, repent. And then go and sin no more.

For thousands of years this principle worked perfectly, but now it has failed. Because the life of the average Homo sapiens has become, on the one hand, easier, and on the other, much more difficult. The problems of survival are solved, we no longer need to fight daily with a hostile world for existence, we can just live. But the instincts have not gone away, so now we direct them inward. And we get big problems. And just something worth looking at these very instincts (that is, mortal sins) from a different angle.

Envy

We were taught from childhood that envy is bad. And we did not want to understand this, because the lush bush of stereotypes had not yet blossomed in our children's heads. Then they came up with two envy for us: black and white. “Black” is when you want your neighbor’s cow to die, and “white” is when you wish that cow long life and record milk yields. Well, you dream of having one yourself.

In fact: Mom has already told you everything before us. True, the point is not whether your envy is “black” or “white”. The fact is that envy is a trigger that makes you be better. To strive for something and achieve something, to join in the competitive struggle. People without envy do not aspire to anything. Guess where they are all? You don't really want to go there.

Gluttony

It seems to you that this is generally some kind of far-fetched sin, right? Who will be worse off if you eat an extra pack of cookies? Cooking is an art and gourmets are the sweetest people in the world. What is the problem? That's except that you can get fat from gluttony. And in our time it is indeed a mortal sin.

In fact: gluttony is a very correct word, very capacious. It's just that we still perceive it in the same meaning as our ancestors. Only in their time, food was in short supply, and it really was somehow bad to overeat one's neighbors. And today, we cater to the womb in a different way: we sit on meaningless diets, swallow useless (at best) nutritional supplements, and generally worry too much about food. Let go of this sin and enjoy delicious food. You will definitely become healthier. And then the body.

Greed

Worshiping the golden calf is sinful. Being stingy is also somehow ugly. You agree with this, don't you? We, too. But in fact, greed is a very convenient sin.

In fact: we have already said that the question of survival in front of a modern young lady like you is not worth it. But there is a question of quality of life. It's very sharp. And there is no way to solve it if you suddenly decide to become a silverless. To ensure a comfortable and pleasant existence for yourself, you will have to learn how to earn, and preferably more, and also save wisely. But you cannot build relationships with the world of finance if you consider the love of money to be a sin. Or or.

Anger

With anger, at first glance, everything is clear: no one likes angry tantrums, and of course you don’t need to be like that. But if you change the beautiful, bookish word "anger" to its scientific synonym, the picture will immediately change. Listen, aggression is a sin! Cuts ears? If not, then you skipped biology class in high school. And now we will fill this gap.

In fact: aggression is characteristic of all animals without exception, and in itself is not destructive, but exactly the opposite. Without aggression, evolution is impossible - in other words, we would not be here if our ancestors were sweet. And it's not that they would simply be eaten. It was intraspecific aggression that forced us to spread throughout the planet. It was intraspecific aggression that allowed us to build a complex hierarchy, and that, in turn, allowed us to become the dominant species. It's a wonderful feeling! Through aggression, you can protect your personal boundaries and prevent others from doing whatever they please with you. How are you even going to live without her?

Despondency

In fact, it does not mean a sad state and not even depression, but rather idleness. That's when you walk around the house all Saturday in pajamas smeared with chocolate and watch TV shows - this is it. Terrible sin! idleness will lead you to hell, mark our words!

In fact: you are not iron. You need to rest, not new experiences that will tire her. So despondency is not a sin, but an indispensable condition for a healthy lifestyle. Because it is in “despondency” that we all hide from stress. We have already told you what chronic stress leads to.

Lust

She is fornication, she is adultery. The most reprehensible sin, by the way. Anger and gluttony will still be forgiven you, but fornication - in no case. So you probably think that this sin is better to avoid, right? Otherwise, you never know - they will punish you right here, put you in a hellish cauldron as a beneficiary, without a queue.

In fact: people are polygamous. Only 3 to 5% of Homo sapiens of both sexes are monogamous in themselves (and not under the influence of social order), which allows us to state with confidence that monogamy is not the norm for our species. But we still create families and strive to be faithful to a partner. Why? Because we found someone who suits us. But, you see, finding it is somewhat problematic if you deny lust. Because lust is actually a healthy sex drive. And if you don't have one, you need a doctor. Seriously.

Pride

“Know your place, don’t stick your head out!”, “The girl is decorated with modesty!” and “Are you the smartest?” - you probably heard all this more than once in your childhood from the same teacher who was hated by the whole school. And, rest assured, she said this because she wished you well. Just in her understanding, good is deliverance from the sin of pride. Pride and vanity.

In fact: without vanity, you will never achieve what you dream about. And pride is an inflated self-esteem, and, of course, you need to fight it. But not in the way that supporters of the humility of sin suggest: from their point of view, your ideal self-esteem should be somewhere in the region of the plinth. Do you want it? We think not. Self-esteem must be adequate. However, if we are to choose between sin and virtue, between pride and humility, then perhaps sin is better. Because inflated self-esteem will, of course, hurt you, but someday later, and even that is not a fact. And understated hurts now. And yesterday. And tomorrow. And always.

Popular

How not to sin?- this is perhaps the most important question of those people who seek help from an Orthodox psychologist. After all, it is important not only to realize that sin leads to trouble, but also to have firm intentions to abandon sin, whatever it may be. The following conversation with a Christian helps to understand the intricacies of the question of how to learn not to sin.

Andrei: When we talk about the Bible, the explanatory dictionary is not the best helper. The Bible interprets itself, not people. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that hell, the underworld, is a place of eternal torment.

Mila: Oh… it would have been better said! Otherwise, it somehow relaxed me, I need to be afraid so as not to sin, when sin in itself is pleasant and under the guise of goodness.

Andrei: Fear is the worst motive in a relationship with God. Fear is a tool of Satan. The Bible says that there is no fear in love.

Mila: That's it ... the concept of salvation from torment and from Satan, from his power, and love - it was! How not to sin?

Andrei: Think more about Christ, about His character, love for you, about His mercy, purity, righteousness, holiness.

Mila: Yes, I only think about it all)))

Andrew: Well done. 🙂

Mila: You see, this does not prevent you from doing what you were doing. I have more fear of being unemployed than before hell. How not to sin, I do not know. And fear is from lack of faith ...

Andrey: When you read the Bible, try first of all to see God, his character. Especially the Gospels will help in this. After reading it, it is impossible not to love Jesus. 🙂

Mila: I love Christ! He is the ideal of man and man.

Andrew: "If you love me, keep my commandments"

Mila: here the evil one slips me thoughts that, they say, it's okay - work as you worked, one does not interfere with the other

Andrew: Don't be afraid. 🙂 God will never leave you. 🙂

Mila: In general, the struggle is on)

Andrei: The whole Universe is at His disposal, all gold and silver is His. 🙂 And without a fight, nothing. We are either at peace with our self and the spirit of this world, but at enmity with God, or at peace with God, but at enmity with Satan.

Mila: You know... I'm afraid to be left without money.

Mila: And unclaimed ...

Andrei: Unclaimed?! 🙂 Oh! You don't know how much work God has in store for you! 🙂

Mila: You know, what is the general advice, how to get rid of sin?

Pray and sin if you cannot live without sin, and sooner or later it will become disgusting to sin. At some points, this happened, but in terms of work ... so far it has not quite worked out. I’m just afraid of not paying for my studies, so I’m dragging out time. And my husband, it’s clear that he won’t leave me because of this ...

Andrei: Liberation from the slavery of sin does not happen in one day, but it must happen ... Some become coarse in heart, waiting until it becomes disgusting to sin and get used to sin. “Ephraim became attached to idols. Leave him ... "(c)

Mila: Thank you, you are a real healer of the soul, I'm talking about this " O! You don't know how much work God has in store for you! 🙂 »

Andrew: God is a Healer. 🙂 “We are worthless slaves. What needed to be done, they did "(c)

Mila: yes, yes, I agree) all praise be to the Lord)

Andrei: His Spirit comforts and encourages us. 🙂 Glory to him.

Andrew: You need to decide. And you will see His wisdom and power! 🙂

Mila: I will make up my mind when I even pay for my studies. Otherwise, the husband will definitely not pay for my whims, according to his understanding.

Andrey: I.e. is your husband more powerful and richer than God? 🙂

Mila: On the contrary, he resigned himself to my eternal students, but I have no right to pull money from my family. Moral. It's hard enough for him to support us. Tell me, is Satan giving me these thoughts? Should I trust God and quit abruptly?

Andrew: Well, then hope in God. If you really need this study and blessing, then God will provide payment. I lived for a year without a salary, and did not need anything. 🙂

Mila: You lived by yourself.

Andrei: That is, God has enough money for me alone, but if more, then He already has financial problems? 🙂 We have a problem - we do not see a way out of the impasse. And God, by the way, also has a “problem”: He has thousands of ways out of this dead end for us, and now He decides which of these thousand to choose. 🙂

Mila: Yes, I agree 🙂

P.S. Without going into disputes about the existence of hell, as taught by the Orthodox Church and the actual interpretation of the Bible by the evangelists, it should be noted the basic rule that allows you not to sin, and it is described in Scripture.

Denis Podorozhny answers:

Hello,

Sorry for not answering your question right away. It was too busy, so many letters from site visitors remained unanswered for a long time. Now, sitting at the airport, I use a window in time and answer them. I want to answer yours in sufficient detail so that my answer can serve many who find themselves in a similar situation.

There is a good expression: “The one who surrenders loses”, and the Scripture says: “... the righteous man falls seven times, and rises ...” (Pr.24:16). I think that the power of righteousness is revealed not in the fact that a person lives an unerring life, but in the fact that he always strives for holiness, and even if he has fallen, he does everything to rise.

The apostle Paul wrote: “Brethren, I do not consider myself accomplished; but only, forgetting what is behind and stretching forward, do I strive towards the goal, towards the honor of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore, who among us is perfect should think thus; but if you think differently about anything, then God will reveal it to you” (Phil. 3:13-15).

If he did not consider himself to have reached, then even the most pious believer should be able to see heights that have not yet been reached in his life, and begin to strive for them.

Perfection, in the words of Paul, is not revealed in infallibility, but in the relentless striving to move forward to the knowledge of God, without despair, without giving up, and without allowing lulling self-satisfaction.

It would be worse for you if you were not ashamed of your behavior when you did wrong things. The presence of shame and the understanding of one's wrongness before God is already a good sign, but in no case should we stop there.

Both I and the majority of those who believed in Christ, when they came to the Lord, did not immediately break through in all areas of their lives. Sometimes you have to repent and repent for repeating your own stupidities or weaknesses. The ability to overcome the areas in which we are especially weak sometimes comes easily, by the grace of God, and sometimes through the fact that, when it seems that nothing will change, one day, it becomes so disgusting from the mistakes made that, finally, strength appears. resist them.

There are battles that are not easy for us, and the price we pay to win them makes the victory especially valuable.

So what to do in order not to step on "the same rake"? I will give you, and everyone who has a similar situation, a few tips:

1) Admit your weakness in this area. You cannot overcome your sin on your own.

Some Christians think that if they say, “I am strong!” they will become strong. The truth is that it's good to talk about strength, but it's important not to forget that we are strong in CHRIST, and without Him we can do nothing (John 15:5). Even when we read the Apostle Paul and try to apply his words to our lives, we need to place the emphasis correctly: “I can do everything in JESUS ​​CHRIST STRENGTHENING me” (Phil. 4:13).

If I am so strong, then why strengthen me? Truly, victory over sin begins only when we acknowledge our weakness. “The healthy do not need a doctor, but the sick…” (Luke 5:31), Jesus said. It is from the recognition of our own weakness, sinfulness and inability to deal with the problem and sin ourselves that we have a humble readiness to seek help from God, pray, and, if necessary, be ready to seek advice from church ministers.

2) Call a spade a spade. Sin is not just a weakness or a character trait - it is lawlessness!

When we mask our sins with beautiful words, like: “little problem”, “weakness of character”, “bad habit”, etc., then we have neither the desire nor the readiness to meaningfully and contritely repent of them. It is impossible to receive forgiveness of sins by calling them "mistakes" or "problems".

See in your wrongness the iniquity that is contrary to God. We have the power to overcome sin if in our eyes the “problem” is recognized as real lawlessness.

Believe me, it is much easier to deal with enemies (read - sins) that we hate. Hate your sin!

3) Confess your sin and repent

Knowing you're wrong before God is half the battle. There are many people around us who are well aware that they are doing evil, but at the same time, they do not try to change the state of things one iota. Silence is golden only when it is time to be silent. King David, who had sinned, confessed: “When I was silent, my bones became dilapidated from my daily groaning, for Thy hand was heavy over me day and night; my freshness has vanished, as in a summer drought” (Ps. 31:3,4)

The Lord gave us a mouth as a gate for our inner man, they show what we are already filled with and influence what will enter our heart. When we open our mouths to acknowledge ourselves as sinners, we open our hearts to God's justification and sanctification.

That is why David, seeing the perniciousness of seclusion in his sin, admits: “But I revealed to You my sin and did not hide my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and You have taken away from me the guilt of my sin” (Ps. 31:5)

Do not suffer in sins and mistakes, open your heart to God, confessing them before Him, and He "being faithful and just, will forgive ... sins ... and cleanse ... from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9)

4) Seek help from a church minister.

All sins are equally vile to God, but their severity, the level of influence on our life or someone else's life, the resulting consequences make them different. If, in an accidentally committed small offense, it is enough for us to repent before God and apologize to the offended person, and we know that we will never do this again, then in the areas of serious lawlessness, or deep dependence, or the impasse of the situation, we alone overcome ourselves very hard.

There are many areas where a person seeking a way out needs confession of sin not only before God, but also before His representative – God's servant. Many times I was convinced that outside support, the willingness of a minister to listen to a person, timely advice, prayer or encouragement, gave a greater result than many months of single battles of a person with himself and his problems.

“Confess your faults to each other and pray for each other to be healed: the fervent prayer of the righteous can do much,” the apostle James (James 5:16) wisely noted the relationship between unconfessed sin and illness, recommending that we not carry everything in ourselves.

On this issue, I will only give advice so that you do not rush to confess your sins to people who are unconfirmed, full of unbelief, gossips or those who are confused in their lives, otherwise, “if the blind lead the blind, then both will fall into the pit” (Matt. .15:14).

5) Eliminate from your life all the things that encourage or provoke this sin.

Believe me, it's not entirely wise to try to beat alcohol addiction and continue to go to drunken parties, maintaining relationships with drinking friends, or trying to defeat lust, but at the same time, with one eye to watch dirty movies on cable TV and "inadvertently" flirt anonymously on Internet sites acquaintances, voluptuously looking at photographs of girls.

The psalmist said this about this: “I will not put things indecent before my eyes; I hate criminal work: it will not cling to me. The corrupted heart will be removed from me; evil I will not know. Secretly slandering his neighbor exile; I will not tolerate a proud eye and a haughty heart” (Ps. 101:3-5). The apostle Paul confirms what was said in a similar way: “Do not be deceived: bad associations corrupt good morals” (1 Cor. 15:33).

The sins of people sometimes resemble some deadly disease-causing bacteria: both of them need a beneficial environment for their rapid development. So eliminate this environment!

6) Pray and be filled with the word of God.

It is unlikely that anyone managed to expel darkness from space, and at the same time, without filling it with light. Darkness goes away exactly to the extent that light comes, and our life is no exception.

Fill your heart with the Word of God, stay in prayer, and you will begin to find that weakness and susceptibility to sin will begin to be replaced by strength and firmness of spirit. The psalter contains the perfect recipe for a holy life: “I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you” (Ps. 119:11).

7) Finally, don't give up if you stumble.

Once Edwin Louis Cole, with whom the Lord gave me the opportunity to be acquainted, said: “Champions are not those who never lose, but those who never give up.” He was right! There is not a single skater who has never fallen, figure skating champions have fallen countless times in their training. How do they differ from those who go to the skating rink on the weekend, once a year, to try their hand at skating? Yes, because, unlike ordinary amateurs who do not bother with training, professional skaters go and go forward to high goals, NOT FEARING that they will stumble.

It is better not to fall and you should make every effort to do so, but if, for some reason, you still stumble, then the worst thing you can do is to consider your fallen state as your own fate. Don't do it!

I will tell you that there was a period in my life when I fell and fell. It wasn't one day or a week. All that time became for me not only a milestone of trials for me, but also for my closest people who were ready to sympathize with me when I fell, and rejoice when I rose.

Falling, every time I had to make an effort to get up, and I can’t say that it was always easy. That period of my life helped shape me as a person…

After that, there were other, no less serious tests: I had to learn how to use a spoon, draw, fasten my clothes myself, but it was in these

difficulties and defeats, those skills came that I had so much later, in adulthood ...

Did you smile? That's right, because this is not only my story, but every person's. Everything that we achieve lies through the path of temporary defeats (of course, not intentional), but they do not make us winners, but the constant desire to get up and move on.

I really like the thought of the apostle Paul, who once said: “Who are you, condemning another's slave? Before his Lord he stands, or he falls. And he will be raised, for God is able to raise him up” (Rom. 14:4). Do you hear? God is POWERFUL to raise him up.

So don't lose faith or hope or love for the Lord, get up and go forward, and only in this way, you can one day write me a testimony of HOW you were able to overcome the problems of your life.

All the best to you! And victories!

We tend to err and stumble. We are not perfect, and neither are our actions, words and intentions. But, being people of faith, we can always strive for the best, for improvement and distance from the sinful. Thanks to the mercy of the Almighty and the light of Islam, we can gradually get rid of our sinful nature. If we do not resist sin, it will weaken our souls and distance us from Allah Almighty. About the need for self-control, Allah Almighty said: “He who was afraid to stand before his Lord and restrained himself from passions, Paradise will be a haven” (79:40-41).

A person is not perfect, but his self-control can become perfect. Sins can be avoided if you control yourself and take into account some points:

1. Know your enemy.

The most important strategy in confrontation is to know your enemy. The more you know your enemy, the easier your fight will be. Life is a struggle against shaitan - the enemy of our souls. We must study him and know the tactics he uses to lead a man astray.

2. Strives for the help of the Almighty.

Allah helps those who seek Him. You take a step towards Him, and He runs towards you. Allah is always near. At any time of the day, we can turn to Him with a request. Ask Allah to protect you from the evils, temptations and temptations of this world and give your heart an iman that will not allow you to fall into sin.

3. Devote time to Allah.

Daily communication with the Almighty (remembrance, prayer, reading the Koran) is the main rule of self-control. A person who devotes himself and his time to Allah is protected from evil and endowed with good. Dedicate more time to Allah and religion, this will allow you to focus on the main things and hold on tight to the raft.

4. Avoid situations that can lead to sin.

A Muslim should be very careful to avoid sins and situations that can lead to them. Very often a person does not intend to sin, but the situation and environment in which he finds himself contributes to this. Therefore, by moving oneself away from such situations, a person protects himself from sin.

5. Know the consequences.

Sin is an obstacle that separates a person from Allah and, as a result, can make us a slave to our desires, thereby destroying our entire life. Many lives are destroyed just because people overstep the boundaries of the forbidden set by Allah. Remember that Allah has blessed us with a healthy body and a sound mind, and ingratitude for this will lead to severe punishment.

6. Remembrance of Allah.

Often thinking about something leads to the fact that it comes to life. Therefore, avoid bad thoughts that will cause temptation. Try to think positively and fill your thoughts with the remembrance of Allah, which will bring goodness into your life.

7. Immediate repentance.

If you stumbled and committed a sin, then you should remember that sin does not lead a person out of religion. The mercy of Allah is greater than any sin, while repenting, we are aware of what has been done and ask sincere forgiveness from the All-Forgiving and All-Merciful, expressing our humility and submission.