When to get married. Jealousy of the wife's past A divorced woman can have children

The past doesn't matter, the present matters. If he loves, he won't ask questions. If he loves you, he will love the child. All these clichés have ingrained themselves into the minds of modern men almost at the genetic level. We are taught to love women without looking back and not to stir up their past. However, just a couple of generations ago, our great-grandfathers were guided by a completely different rule - “ a woman with a past has no future«.

In all schools in all countries of the world, history is a compulsory subject. It is unlikely that anyone would argue that this is an unnecessary subject - without knowing the history of the state, it is impossible to understand its present and make predictions for its future. The state itself, in turn, starts a personal file for each citizen - a history in which all violations and problems that a person had with the law are recorded. From a personal file, it immediately becomes clear whether a person is law-abiding or vice versa - a malicious violator, history itself will tell everything about him. If someone systematically violated the law before, it means that they will violate it in the future.

Banks, in turn, keep a credit history - it immediately makes it clear how trustworthy the client is, whether you can trust him with money or not. No one will trust a person without a credit history with big money.

It is strange that people do not adopt the experience of banks and the state - the same rule applies in personal relationships, if a woman was unreliable in the past, it is absolutely impossible to let her into your house and into your life, nothing will change in the future. Ladies understand this very well, so by hook or by crook they try to hide the unsightly past and stop any questions from men on this matter. The partner is forced to turn off the brain by manipulation and fall in love with an image cut off from reality, and not with a person with his own vices and established habits. This scheme was ideally described by the heroine of Irina Muravyova in the film "Moscow does not believe in tears«:

The main thing is to arouse initial interest in myself ... Then I give birth to a child for him, I sit at home ... Well, when he finds out everything, it’s too late, he’s used to me, he loves the child, he can’t imagine life without me, and he will also ask for forgiveness.

It is impossible to maintain such an image for a long time, sooner or later a woman will reveal her real self and a man will understand that all his fantasies were a hoax. It’s good if everything is limited to a couple of lost years of life, it’s worse if, as a result of the collapse of the image, a man loses children and the results of long work. This is a blow from which not everyone can recover, the strongest pull themselves together and return to normal life, those who are weaker drink too much, the weakest lay hands on themselves.

Therefore, reader, do not fall for stories about the fact that " past in the past“This is a lie, the past will constantly remind of itself both in the present and in the future: if a woman changed partners like gloves, she will continue to change them; budget. Before linking your life with a person, find out everything you can about him, find out how many partners she had, why she chose them and why she left them. If you don’t like the answers, it is better to refuse to further develop relations so that it is not excruciatingly painful for the aimlessly lived years. But the most important rule is not to turn off the brain, as the old Oscar said: “ A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he is not in love with her.«.

At this point, the indignation of many women has passed into the stage of boiling from injustice - after all, everything is the same with men! Yes, reader, everything is the same with men if a man was a lazy man - he will remain lazy, if it is known that he is a drinker - then he will sour, if he does not miss a single skirt, then he will be a dog until his health is enough.

So learn history and be responsible for your future 🙂

Banks, in turn, keep a credit history - it immediately makes it clear how reliable the client is, whether you can trust him with money or not. No one will trust a person without a credit history with big money.

The main thing is to arouse initial interest in myself ... Then I give birth to a child for him, I sit at home ... Well, when he finds out everything, it’s too late, he’s used to me, he loves the child, he can’t imagine life without me, he will also ask for forgiveness.

Therefore, reader, do not fall for stories about the fact that "the past is in the past", this is a lie, the past will constantly remind of itself both in the present and in the future: if a woman changed partners like gloves, she will continue to change them, if she cheated - she will continue to change, she spent a lot of money - which means she will continue to thoughtlessly devastate the family budget. Before connecting your life with a person, find out everything you can about him, find out how many partners she had, why she chose them and why she left them. If you don’t like the answers, it is better to refuse to further develop relations so that it is not excruciatingly painful for the aimlessly lived years. But the most important rule is not to turn off the brains, as the old Oscar said: "A man can be happy with any woman, if only he is not in love with her."

So learn history and treat your future responsibly;)

A little more about society:

Saved

There are women who can be ideal girlfriends or lovers, but you cannot marry them.

Here are 10 popular types.

1. Radio woman.

This is the kind of woman who doesn't shut up. Never. If she stops, it is only to catch her breath.

For some reason, she seems to need to voice out loud everything that happens in her life. She should always dominate the conversation and comment on everything. In general, everything.

2. Desperate girl.

At first, it will seem that everything is just fantastic with her. But only until she suddenly starts talking about who she would like to see at your wedding and who she won't.

When a woman rushes things too much and presses on a man, it is very difficult for him. And it's not that he is "not ready", but that she seems ready to throw herself at the first guy at the first crossroads, if he guarantees her marriage.

3. An overly critical woman.

No matter what you do, this woman will never be enough.

Nothing is called "work" unless it is done to its standards. Whoever said anything, it will immediately be taken out of context and, for some incomprehensible reason, turn into an insult. We do not know why, but there are definitely women in this world who are ready to wage war against the whole world at once.

They have a lot of emotional baggage behind them, and she will do anything to turn your life into one continuous showdown.

Nothing but suffering, such a woman is not able to give. So do not get married in the hope that "marriage will fix everything." After the stamp in the passport, it will only get worse!

Women of this type can receive a gold medal for knowledge of the theoretical foundations and possession of practical sex skills. That's just usually their intelligence - more precisely, its presence, seems "controversial".

We all at least once in our lives have seen women who look simply gorgeous, but only until they open their mouths.

The whole life of such a woman passes in the physical world. Relationships with her always look the same: at first you are somehow afraid to bring her to your parents' house, and then you go crazy because you can only discuss how a manicure, pedicure or perm is done.

Unfortunately, most of the stunning girls you see on the streets fall into this category.

5. Princess without a pea.

It's also scary. Such a woman, even if she breaks her nail, will call you in the expectation that you will immediately quit your job and rush to her “help”.

"I need to be in the salon immediately! Are you a man or not?".

Her dad has always told her that she is a princess, and she believes that this will be her whole life.

Such women usually have "expensive" taste, and they always want to frolic in expensive restaurants. At the same time, even if she earns $ 5, then as a model or as an Instagram star.

"You don't have money? So you're not my man. I'll look for more."

6. Tenacious girl.

This woman is a nuisance in her own right. Because she can’t go anywhere, anywhere without her man!

She will pester you with persuasion to go to a party with her, she will call her mobile 20 times a day and generally make you the only one that exists in the Universe. She will suffocate you with her love!

If you haven't found one yet, for God's sake, avoid anyone who fits that description!

7. Mommy.

Such women usually have a large physique, heavy character and thumbs. Such a woman does not need a man, she needs another child in order to take care of him.

Strictly speaking, she generally needs a man only for conception. She will take care of everything else!

"And just think of disobeying me." "Put on this shirt, not this one." "Don't embarrass me, are you going to walk in those jeans?!"

Run away as soon as possible! Otherwise, you will understand how easily unprotected sex can ruin your life.

8. Treasure hunter.

This woman only loves you when you buy her a diamond watch. On the first date, she is most concerned about what kind of car you drive, where you live and where you relax.

Topics for conversation with such a lady usually end in the fifth minute after it starts.

She just needs a "daddy" who will solve all her problems in exchange for "5 minutes of disgust". Therefore, she will leave you the next day after she realizes that you will no longer buy anything more expensive than before.

9. Club girl.

They usually have beautiful faces with full lips, large eyes, long legs, and memory problems.

At first, there are few problems from such girls: except that it will annoy you a little that she constantly shows herself not only to you, but to everyone else.

But if you're not Harry Potter, her lightheartedness and friendliness will soon come to an end. She will sober up.

If you try to understand her better, you will understand that in life she does not care about anything but parties. And that most often she has sex in the car.

10. Feminist.

This type of women cannot enjoy men by default. Therefore, everything will always be wrong with them.

They simply believe that all women's suffering is from men. And nothing, nothing will make them change their point of view.

They believe that women are smarter than women and are better at coping with life. Generalizations are generally their method.

You are to blame. At least because you are a man. Dot.

Good day, I’ll start from the very beginning, I’m 20 years old, my name is Alexander, I met a girl (Julia, 20 years old) and started dating her, we’ve been dating for about three months. At the very beginning of our relationship, I found out that she was already quite experienced in terms of sex, at first I somehow didn’t pay attention to this, but with further relationships, I realized that I love her! Remembering her past, it just turns me over! The story is this: She started dating a guy in the seventh grade, having met with him for two years. she decided to have sex, and with him she lost her virginity and for the next years she had contact with him, and they met for 5 years! It turns out that she had already lost her virginity at the age of 16, I think it’s too early for a good girl ... Then he began to beat her and be rude, she broke up with him. After a time unknown to me, she began to meet with another, and also gave him a month later, although he did not love him! She was just interested in him! He wanted to marry her, she left him because of this! She also slept with him a lot! In the future, she found herself another one and they had the same relationship as with the previous comrade .... After all, she gave me almost as quickly ... We were together for about a week, then we went for a walk to the apartment with a company, everyone got drunk there , went into the room to lie around, she herself began to undress me and we slept ...
When she entered the university, they somehow gathered in an apartment with classmates, they all got drunk there, and as you already understood, she slept with her friend again !!! I talked a lot with her on this topic, I told her that I understand that the past does not concern me at all, but it infuriates me and I can’t help myself ... I told her how it was possible to just sleep with friend in the apartment She answered like this: We got very drunk, I felt bad, I went to the bathroom, then he came, took me to the room and I don’t remember anything else, I only remember that we woke up naked in bed .... There was another moment , she at the beginning of our relationship I don’t know why, but she mentioned that she had friendly sex with her friend! I asked her then how did it happen? She said that he broke up with the girl, he was very bad, she came to him to sit and talk, and she offered him friendly sex! Moreover, they had these meetings about 4 times ... then, after a while, when I fell in love, I regularly reminded her of her sexual past, told her in hints that she used to be a girl of easy virtue (a prostitute), she was terribly she cried, got angry, and in one of these conversations she said that about friendly sex, this is a joke, she supposedly joked when we were at the beginning of our relationship, she told me about her past sexual relationships! She directly swore to me that there was no friendly sex! But how can she be trusted? Judge for yourself, we have been meeting with her for three months, for three months I have regularly arranged such conversations with her about her past, and she only said in the last month that it was a joke ??? I think nonsense ... What do you think? And in general about all this history ... Remembering her past, I simply despise and hate her! otherwise I love her .... You can help me in my situation ... How should I be, what should I do ... her story constantly creeps into my head and what the hell is going on in my head ...

Hello, Alexander!

Your conflicting feelings towards the girl are quite understandable. I think you like it just because it is what it is. And her story made her so, including a sexual, female history. In principle, there is nothing wrong with the fact that a woman had many sexual partners or that she began her sexual life early. It's in your head that you give her a bad mark for this. This is what your ideas about "good" girls, hammered into your head by your family and society, say. In fact, what difference does it make to you how much and when she slept with whom, if you like her here and now? You somehow manage to connect her past history with yourself, as if her past novels somehow concern you. But then explain exactly how, otherwise it is just a fruit of your wild imagination. If you want to make life decisions based on your fantasies - please, only these will be wrong decisions. Because life decisions must be made on the basis of reality, then they will be effective and correct. In reality, you are in love with her. And all the rest of your suffering and humiliation from her past relationships exist only in your head, in your fantasy, because in fact all her past relationships have nothing to do with you. And linking them is very unhelpful. So, I think, you first need to decide what you will base your decisions on - reality or your fantasies, often born of your internal unhealthy processes. If it's a fantasy, then you need to part with it immediately and look for a virgin, if it's reality, then start clearing out all the unnecessary psychological "garbage" that prevents you from being happy. All the best, Elena.

Good answer 5 bad answer 3

Hello, Alexander!

And you are very well aware of the past of your girlfriend. It seems that you even like to delve into someone else's dirty laundry. By these digs you will not make your girlfriend cleaner. By the way, notice that you also feel about sex, like she does. You same with the same ease go on sexual contact and with whom? - With girl! And that's how you got to know her. What is wrong now? What exactly are you dissatisfied with? What high values in the field of sexual relations do you actually claim? Maybe something else lies behind this, some feelings that you are not yet aware of? If you find it difficult to cope with the feelings that rage in your soul, come to a full-time job with a psychologist.

Good luck. Galina.

Good answer 0 bad answer 4

Hello, Alexander! You asked her about her sexual past - she began to open up to you, for this you "wet" her - why such a BDSM?!? What is important is not what was, but what is in your real relationship ?! Decide and clarify the relationship, what you want to see in them, so that they become, and what - categorically - is not, both on your part and on her, so you will dot the “and” and it will become a priority for you not what was, but what is in your relationship in fact! And look deep into yourself, if you're honest with yourself: “In what do you despise yourself and why do you hate yourself?” After all, it reflects to you the most hidden depths of yourself, which you didn’t notice or ignored before? As soon as all this comes out, you will be quits, and then reality will become that incentive and opportunity for creating a prosperous, valuable and wonderful relationship! A personal consultation will help speed up the process of becoming aware of a healthy and constructive relationship. All the best to you, Lyudmila K.

Good answer 2 bad answer 3

Hello, Alexander!
In my opinion, you have come across a patient girl if she has repeatedly withstood your "hints" that she is a prostitute and is still with you. I got the impression that you consider yourself a very right person, and her sinner, a "lost soul" who needs to be put on the right path. But you tell her at least 20 times a day that she is a prostitute - the number of her past sexual contacts will not decrease from this. And at this moment I just feel sorry for you. Instead of enjoying your relationship, you are tormenting yourself and tormenting her. And if your girlfriend's self-esteem is more or less in order, then she will not endure it for a long time, but will simply go to another person who will accept her past.
We are all different, everyone has their own life experience. And if you do not learn to accept it, it will be difficult for you to build relationships not only with girls, but with people in general. Few love the righteous because they remind people of their own imperfection. And do they exist, the righteous? We are all human and we are all imperfect. And if you want to build long-term strong relationships with girls, learn to accept their life experience that was before you. Or look for a girl whose "biography" will suit you completely. But this option seems doubtful to me, because any person can find something to complain about. So don't try to change your girlfriend's past, it's useless. Better yet, change your attitude towards it. It will open up new facets of life for you.
Good luck! Svetlana.

Good answer 5 bad answer 3

Hello, Alexander. Reading your message, it seems that you and your girlfriend are very similar in that both are like a "swing". She says one thing, then another. And you either love her or hate her. This may indicate that both of you have an unstable inner world. Maybe that's why you "pulled" each other, because. both are identical in their personality organization. And yet one gets the impression that by tormenting each other like that, you still get something, i.e. satisfy some of your needs, hidden from consciousness. For example, in attention, which was not to such an extent in relationships with others. Obviously, despite so many negative emotions and pain that both of you are experiencing, no one left this relationship, did not break it. I do not know what other needs are hidden from your consciousness, because. awareness requires face-to-face work. Why is it necessary? In order not to feel like a victim of circumstances, to understand what kind of relationship it is and what to do next. It is not a fact that you will part after this, but you will live more consciously. So far, it all looks like some kind of BDSM series. All the best. Best regards, Aigul Sadykova

Contrary to the expected response, I hasten to warn many men against marrying a divorced woman with a child. I will now explain why.

Do not attack me, accusing me of bias.

If you are a woman, the best solution would be to read beautiful poems. Sections of the site are located on the right.

A divorced woman, lads, is a lady who has experience of living together.

She has a child from her first/second/third/hell knows what/marriage to befriend.

I list you 5 main reasons broadcasting against marrying a woman with a “divorced past”.

one). It's not that the child is not yours.

Children, as you know, are not strangers.

You will have to feed him, dress him, put shoes on, put him on his feet.

And he, in turn, loves his father. Note - biological.

When the child grows up, most likely, he will want to see his father, and he ...

2). ... And it will suddenly dawn on him that it would be time to settle down, stop “trampling girls”, drink and have fun.

And he will show his child "the claim of his own father."

Say, I repented, I was wrong. And now, behold, he has grown old.

Can't you forgive your own dad?

Hint, I hope you understand?

Having invested so much effort and care, you will be slowly “pushed forward”.

3). The divorced woman you are about to marry - what is she mumbling about her "dark past"?

It will never become your “bright asset”.

Who is right or wrong, you can't tell.

And it is quite possible that her ex-husband will come to his senses and knock on her “open doors”.

See what happens.

This is not just a male returned, but the one she loved (and maybe still continues to love).

They have a common child. You have a shared bed.

4). Let's assume that my fears are unfounded.

And you married a “thoroughly” divorced woman who ended her past life tightly.

Everything would be fine, but only the genetics of the child is beyond your control.

And it is very bitter for me to realize that you, being a decent and correct person, of course, will make every effort to raise a child purely in moral values.

But genes, bastards, they are like bedbugs, you won’t beat them the first time.

And do not be surprised if they take a swift advantage over your good upbringing.

5). Another good reason against marrying a divorced woman is your not mutual desire to have children of your own.

I do not undertake to guarantee, but there is a high probability that you are just a “donor” for a nice woman, who is designed to provide for her and the child.

She already has a beloved child, and there is no need to “push” again.

And only if true love breaks out between you, a “waterproof” sense of respect and impeccable trust, you can cross out everything that I just talked about in bold ink by marrying a divorced woman with a child who is tired of being single.

The material was prepared by me - Edwin Vostryakovsky.