Everyone betrayed what to do. What to do if your friends betray you, how to cope with the pain of resentment? Fixing your attention on the betrayal itself, you can only become more embittered.

Close people hit the hardest, you trust them the most intimate, and in return you get betrayal and prolonged depression. Everyone wants to believe in the sincerity of feelings, but what to do when fate has prepared a test? You cannot prepare for betrayal, it cannot be cured with the help of medicines and it cannot be erased from memory. How to deal with pain and despair without seeking the help of a psychologist? Let's try to figure it out together.

5 ways to deal with the betrayal of a loved one

Don't hold back your emotions
Avoid turning off your phone, avoiding friends, or hiding under the covers to see the pain go away. Bitterness and resentment will not leave you until you chase them away on your own. Call a friend and speak well, shout, beat the plates, but do not withdraw into yourself.

Play an interesting movie that you may not want to watch, but let it play in the background. Order a pizza and buy a bottle of wine, food is soothing. If you want to be alone, take a notebook and write what you want to say to the traitor. If this method does not work, get a parrot and chat with him. They are funny, cute and chatty creatures.

It is important to understand that crying is necessary, otherwise the pain will burst out at the most inopportune moment. A person is able to endure a lot, but he can also break loose if the tea is not hot enough. Now you have the right to express your emotions, but do not forget about your family. Do not insult them and do not take off your anger, the anger should go towards the culprit.

Step away from what is happening
Did you cry and get ink on your friend's shoulder? Not scary. It's time to step back from what is happening and imagine that the nightmare did not happen to you. There is not only a traitor-lover in the world, remember your relatives, visit old friends. Finally, go to work and chat with colleagues.

If possible, buy a ticket to the sea, even a three-day tour will do. Who knows, maybe a sexy stranger and an unforgettable holiday romance awaits you there. Now it is important to abstract away, push what happened to the background. Do you find it easier said than realized? Try it! Do what you haven't done before. Any kind of extreme sports that will help the adrenaline rush will do. Go horseback riding, wind tunnel or visit the water park.

The first few months after the incident, try to spend time in a company that is not associated with the hero of the "celebration". In this way, you will exclude constant memories when everything was fine and no one betrayed anyone. Also during this period, try to communicate more with friends than with your best friends, so that you are not tempted to regularly discuss the "goat" that made you go through the seven circles of hell.

Switch attention
Again, easy to say! However, you have to try. You probably have savings set aside for a rainy day, it's time to use them. Go shopping, buy nice lingerie, shoes and a branded handbag. Expand your circle of friends, accept an offer of a meeting, which you could not decide on before. Sign up for an English course, change your hairstyle, or change your apartment.

If the gap is permanent, remove the frames with photographs further away, cut his things with scissors and throw them in the trash. Eliminate all reminders of what happened. Are you registered on VKontakte? Remove the traitor from your friends and add to the black list so as not to track his last visits and not to injure your own psyche.

All of the above is obvious, however, for some unknown reason, some girls poison their souls, shedding tears and looking at joint pictures. You don't need to do this now. When the bitterness has passed, you will be able to examine the photos in detail, but without a storm of negative emotions. After the black stripe there is a white one, above the nose!

Face the truth
Stop lamenting and feeling sorry for yourself, it's time to figure out the reasons for this. The constant repetition of "I didn't deserve it, how could he do this, bastard ..." will not lead to anything good. Take what happened for granted, it’s not in vain that they say “What is not being done is for the better!”. Stop thinking about the fact that you are not appreciated and disliked, look for problems in yourself. In such a situation, two are always to blame, do not throw everything off on the guy.

Analyze past actions and deeds, think, maybe you made a mistake somewhere? Have you stopped looking after yourself? Regularly denied your companion in bed pleasures? Stopped cooking or texted in social networks with your ex? It is not difficult to push a man into betrayal if the girl does not devote enough time to him.

Start from scratch
As strange as it sounds, start a new life. The time for tears and self-flagellation has passed, the time has come to act. Be polite and condescending to men, do not equal one size fits all. Girls who do not respect men and do not know how to appreciate them, as a rule, remain lonely.

Have you met a worthy person? Take your time, now you do not need to jump into the pool with your head. The wounds are still fresh, you risk transferring them into a new relationship. Go on dates, have fun, and don't limit yourself to little things. Enjoy your freedom while you can. Be happy, beautiful and desirable!

Psychological techniques

Keep a diary
Buy a notebook, write down in it the good moments that happened during the day. Did the handsome stranger smile? Let's write it down! Gave flowers for no reason? Fine! Have you lost your place in the minibus? The world is not without good people!

Focus exclusively on positive things that make you smile and glow with happiness. Create a cozy atmosphere around you and energize those around you.

See a psychologist
Increasingly, modern men and women turn to professionals who help to understand own thoughts... The trend came from America and is gaining momentum every year. Do not hesitate to visit a psychologist, he is not a psychiatrist. You need to be afraid only if you sign up for a session for the latter.

Prohibited techniques

You don't have to be a bitch
A common mistake many girls make is neglecting others as a result of the betrayal suffered. Do not be like them, there are worthy people in the world. On the former lover, the light did not converge like a wedge. Do not attack others, do not judge them, and do not interfere with other people's life. Stay humane and judicious so as not to lose those who are truly dear.

Now aggression can be directed at the male half of the population, however, not all of them are bad. There are those who know how to protect, appreciate and respect their beloved, you just have not met such a man yet.

In films where a guy betrays a girl, she while away the evenings with a bottle of tequila, drowning in what is happening. Everything is easier in life. A lady in a drunken mind looks extremely unattractive: incoherent speech, crooked gait and constant lamentations about a miserable fate. Do not forget that alcohol is a temporary measure, it will dull the pain that will return in the morning along with a hangover. The most that can be done is to have a drink with a friend, she will stop you in case of bust.

Leave the past behind
Do not regularly compare "before" and "after". What happened is gone. There is no need to imagine the development of events that would have happened if you noticed strange behavior earlier or prepared a delicious dinner on time. Turn off your imagination, stop developing a non-existent scenario. By neglecting this advice, you will drain the body in hazy thoughts. Live in the present and think about the future!

Not sure how to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Invite a friend over, drink wine with her and cry. You should not keep emotions inside, otherwise they will burst out at the wrong moment. If it's really bad, visit a psychologist, he will help you understand the situation. Go shopping, buy cool things to the envy of all your friends. Book a trip to the sea and start a holiday romance! Don't worry, life goes on!

Video: how to forgive the betrayal of a loved one

Paulo Coelho

Have you ever been betrayed, dear readers? I am sure that they betrayed. That's why you showed interest in this article, right? And now you want to know how you can live further, with the pain in your soul that you are experiencing, and which haunts you. However, it is quite possible that you yourself have betrayed someone, and because of this you now have a heavy burden on your soul, from which you want to get rid of. You want to know what it is like to be betrayed, you want to understand how the person who has been betrayed feels, how strong his pain is. And you will definitely find out about this, because in this article I am going to tell you everything that I know myself about betrayal. And I know about him, believe me, a lot. Betrayal is something that I have repeatedly encountered in my life, not only as a specialist, but also as a person who has been cruelly betrayed several times. Therefore, I will share with you not only my knowledge of betrayal, but also my feelings. Unfortunately, betrayal is an integral part of our life. People have betrayed, betray and, apparently, will continue to betray each other in the future. And if so, then it is quite obvious that you need to know how to live with betrayal, regardless of whether you betrayed you or betrayed you. Betrayal should be treated with understanding so that it does not poison the soul and poison life. Let's, friends, find out what betrayal is and see how you can live with it.

For some people who have experienced the pain of betrayal on their own skin, it is very difficult to understand why people generally betray each other, why they treat others the way they would not want to be treated. On the other hand, those people who themselves betrayed someone, sometimes look for excuses for their treacherous act, and, as a rule, find it. You can understand, and I think it is necessary, of both. After all, we are all human, which means that we are not all without sin. But in order to understand another person, even a devotee, even a betrayer, you need to try to see yourself in him. I tried to reveal the topic of betrayal in as much detail as possible, given its importance, and I am sure that I managed to do it. So you will definitely benefit from reading this material, you can rest assured of it. I want to tell you, friends, that I have worked both with those people who were betrayed, and sometimes very cruelly, and with those who themselves once betrayed someone. And in most cases, both suffer from betrayal. Indeed, deep down, we all understand that some actions, regardless of our attitude to them, are not quite, let's say, necessary in this life, that they do more harm than good. Just think how many problems we could avoid if we thought about the consequences of our actions. Indeed, traitors do not always benefit from their treacherous actions, on the contrary, they often suffer from them, because the consequences of these actions can be terrible for everyone. And if these traitors were a little more prudent, they would not betray other people, especially those close to them and people devoted to them. After betraying others, we often betray ourselves!

Betrayal can lead to a lot of negative consequences, which are then not always and not everyone is able to cope with. Therefore, I believe that when someone betrays someone, he is committing a great evil. I saw this evil, I worked with this evil, I pulled loyal people out of the most terrible states in which they were because of the pain they were experiencing. People suffer very, very much when they are betrayed, maybe not all, but many, that's for sure. Therefore, my attitude to betrayal is extremely negative. Well, what can I say, some devoted people even grow old by several years because of the stress they have experienced, while the traitor himself is often forced to live with guilt for the rest of his life. So, friends, betraying other people, we can take away from them several years of life, and for what, for what such benefits, for what such benefit? I don’t think that shitting into someone else’s soul is too profitable, I, in any case, have not met in my life happy traitors who built great happiness on someone else’s misfortune. Well, let's deal with this issue in more detail.

What is betrayal?

Many of us know very well how much pain, what incredible suffering and what damage someone's betrayal can inflict on a person, or at least guess. This is especially well known to those who have already been betrayed at least once in this life. But not many people know what betrayal is. Our experiences and our pain do not give us an answer to simple and natural questions: "why?", "Why?" and why?" were we betrayed? Do you know what is most interesting? Traitors themselves often do not know this!

Betrayal is a violation of loyalty to someone or failure to fulfill a duty to someone. By the moral and ethical laws of society, betrayal and traitors are condemned, just like most religions, they consider treacherous acts a sin, a violation of a taboo. Traitors really do great evil when they betray someone, because by their treacherous actions they destroy the moral and ethical foundations on which our society is built. They destroy such a thing as people's trust in each other. Indeed, in any society, we adhere to certain rules and norms for a reason, not because we just want to observe some rules that limit us in our actions, but in order for this very society to exist. If we do not follow certain rules, the whole order in our society will be disrupted and an all-destructive chaos will ensue. Honesty and loyalty are the laws of maintaining order in society, and when a traitor violates these laws, he violates it, society, stability and stability. Traitors - kill trust, not only in yourself, but in everyone else. Being devoted once, we begin to see a catch in everything, we are already afraid to trust someone to the full and to reveal our soul to someone, our life becomes more closed, people in our society become more closed, more alien and hostile to each other. This is the evil that traitors do, this is how much they harm our society. They, in fact, destroy it, thereby harming themselves.

You can betray in different ways, you can just deceive a person, so, you know, on trifles, for example, by cheating him in a store, and thus breaking his confidence in himself. And you can completely trample a person's soul, completely destroying his inner world, through, for example, the same betrayal. Be that as it may, both big and small betrayal is a stab in the back, a blow below the belt, this is undoubtedly a vile and very cruel act, deciding on which, a traitor crosses the line beyond which his human qualities slowly but surely degrade ... We all know what the betrayal of Judas led to, and apparently, humanity will never change in this sense in better side, people, as they betrayed each other, to their own detriment, and will continue to betray. So, the following actions can be considered a betrayal:

Adultery.
Leaving a friend / girlfriend in trouble.
Treason.
Parents abandoning their children.
Apostasy (religious apostasy).

The meaning of all of the above actions boils down to the fact that all of them, in one way or another, cause harm to someone or something. As a matter of fact, the word “betray” itself, according to the dictionaries, means “violation of loyalty to someone or something, and also this word means - to leave or surrender someone”. That is, this phenomenon is associated with destruction. We destroy the outer world when we betray someone or something, and we destroy the inner world to the person whom we betray. Traitors will undoubtedly worsen our lives and destroy the beauty of this world. But on the other hand, they make people who are betrayed stronger and smarter, but more on that later.

The most painful thing we experience is the betrayal of loved ones, from whom we simply do not expect a blow in the back. And how can we expect it from them, because the people we love are the people we are used to trusting. These are people whom we unconditionally trust and for whom we are ready for anything. These are people with a capital letter, for us. And we, of course, expect from them a similar attitude towards ourselves. We want to be reciprocated, we want to be sure of the reliability of those people who are not indifferent to us and whom we ourselves, even in our thoughts, do not plan to betray. But this is precisely the danger for us, it lies in the fact that we do not allow the possibility of betraying us, people close and loved by us. We ourselves leave our rear areas unprotected, and this should by no means be done, no matter how much we would like to believe some people and not see them as a threat.

The cruelty with which our loved ones betray us is, of course, amazing. However, for some soulless people, betrayal is the norm, not savagery, and we must understand this in order to be prepared for such a scenario in our life. After all, they can betray each of us, at any moment. And it is our unwillingness to betray that betrays us in the first place. For example, for a decent, honest wife, the betrayal of her husband can be a real shock, because she, on her part, did everything for the family, for the house, for the children, if any, and of course for her husband, and here is such a blow, such cruelty. And it seems that we all know that the more you do good to people, the more cruel they can do to us later, not everything, of course, a reasonable person will never spit in his open soul, but many people will do this, they will really betray one who was kind to them. Do you know why? Because most people are unreasonable. They are driven by their own, including predatory instincts, and not common sense. This is why people are hard to trust. And all the same, we do this good, we do it to those in whom we believe, whom we love, for whom we hope. We want to believe that the people around us are reasonable, we know perfectly well that more than ninety percent of people are unreasonable, but we want the remaining percent to surround us, we believe in this because we want to believe. However, this belief, the traitors in us are killing.

So the hardest and most cruel betrayal is betrayal in love, when the selfishness of one person kills the brightest, purest and most sincere feelings of another person. If you are betrayed by your loved one, you know how painful it is, how hard it is, how terrible it is. After such a betrayal, a person finds himself in a deep knockout, the world around him turns black, confusion in his head, heaviness in his soul, and an unbearable stabbing pain in his heart, from which you do not know where to go. Many have gone through this ordeal in their lives, and some have yet to go through it, because traitors have always been, are, and apparently will be among us. And therefore someone will always suffer from their callousness, cruelty and soullessness. Unfortunately, and in my opinion, and fortunately, love and betrayal will always be inextricably linked with each other. Unfortunately, because someone will suffer from this, but fortunately, because being devotees, we become wiser, we become stronger, we no longer live in those illusions in which we lived before.

Thus, traitors, when they betray us, vaccinate us against weakness, and if we continue to live, and thank God, this is exactly what happens in most cases, then we become much stronger, smarter, wiser, more protected from external aggression from the traitors. ... If a young guy survived the betrayal of his girlfriend, he will no longer be the same, his views on the world, on people, and in particular on women, will greatly change. He will not necessarily hate all women, he should not do this, just henceforth he will be much smarter and will not let anyone into his heart. The same is with a girl, a woman who was betrayed by a man; if she turns out to be smart and understands the lesson given to her, she will no longer let any horrible male who thinks only about sex. And even more so, she will not allow any “Don Juan” to settle in her heart, in order to break it later. Life makes us wiser if we draw conclusions from the pain we have experienced, and traitors are our teachers, they teach us not to trust people. It is difficult, of course, to live without trust in people, and in principle it is impossible to do this, we have to trust someone. But, we can be more prudent and more careful when trusting people, right? So in this sense, the betrayal of a loved one is even useful and necessary for us, and at least once in our life, we need to go through this test in order to become wise.

We are betrayed not only by our beloved people, but also by our friends, who usually reflect ourselves to us, because as they say - tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are. Therefore, friends must be chosen very carefully and not be friends with just anyone, because a friend or girlfriend may turn out to be a well-disguised enemy. The betrayal of friends is easier to survive, although it knocks us out of the rut, although it causes great damage to our inner world, it still does not completely empty our souls, as is the case with devoted love. Friends-traitors, after their betrayal of us, leave us something, they leave us faith in ourselves, depriving us of hope in them - in our friends and in people in general. In this world, a person must rely, first of all, on himself, all the other people who surround him, at any moment can betray him, and sometimes very cruelly. But to understand this, some of us have to go through it. And when friends betray us, they confirm this truth with their, albeit disgusting, but very instructive act for us. Therefore, dear readers, try not to let your friends get too close to you. After all, if the betrayal of a friend or the betrayal of a friend came as a surprise to you, it means that you simply did not notice how you yourself exposed your back to the blow to which they, along with the callousness and insignificance of their sinful soul, ultimately decided.

Having experienced the betrayal of people close to you, you will understand that it does not matter what kind of person you are talking about, it does not matter who you are, because if this person is not intelligent, you can expect anything from him, whenever you want. I have dealt many times with people who have been betrayed by their own parents, children, wives and husbands, best friends and girlfriends, others, very close and seemingly reliable people, from whom one should expect a treacherous act in last... But, many, nevertheless, decide on this act, regardless of any moral and ethical barriers. It's all about the weakness of people. Think for yourself, what kind of phenomenon is this - the betrayal of people, why does it take place in our life? Isn't this a manifestation of weakness, not her only one of course, but her as well? It is easy to betray someone, you see, it is much easier than not to betray. All that is needed for this is simply to give up all our obligations to man or people, to give up everything spiritual and reasonable that is in us, to throw off all humanity, all responsibility, to give up willpower and succumb to the influence of our primitive animals instincts.

The topic of betrayal itself will always be relevant. That's how long people live on this planet, that's how long they betray each other. Treason has always been, is, and will be, a part of our life, no matter how conventionally civilized and developed this life is. Because, so far, in any case, we cannot educate and train people, according to one common standard for all of us, so that the behavior of each person, without exception, meets the interests of society as a whole, and the interests of each of us in particular. And the people themselves, for the most part, are still, unfortunately, too weak and unreasonable to give an account of all their actions and bear full responsibility for all their actions. The logic of most people is very simple - their shirt is closer to the body. Therefore, if it is beneficial for a person to betray someone, for the sake of his own skin, he will betray.

It doesn't matter that one by one none of us will survive in this world, and it doesn't matter that one bad deed can give rise to a whole series of the same bad actions that will make life in society very difficult and dangerous for most people. These simple truths, not everyone is able to understand and not everyone wants to understand them. After all, understanding these truths is a responsibility that must be borne. And she is so heavy. As long as people feel good, they do what they want, but when they feel bad, they start doing the right thing. Well, now we’ll talk about why people generally betray each other. Read about it below.

Why do people betray each other?

Throughout its history, humanity has experienced a lot of suffering, which, ideally, should have become useful lessons for each of us, because you need to learn from others, and not from your mistakes! History teaches us how to act, and how it is impossible, and it explains to us with its examples why it is impossible to act in a certain way. But, alas, none of the mistakes of our ancestors and the suffering caused by them, did not teach humanity as a whole, the mind to reason, it both made these mistakes and continues to make them. And it turns out that many of our ancestors suffered in vain, because we are again stepping on the same rake that they stepped on. People have repeatedly become convinced that betrayal is very harmful to any orderly society, that this is evil, this is a sin, and this is obvious. Otherwise, any normal society would not condemn this phenomenon. And practically everyone condemns him. And nevertheless, people continue to betray each other, they do evil without thinking about the consequences, and they, these consequences, always come.

Well, in this case, let's try to figure out why people betray each other, why they commit treacherous acts that can harm, including themselves. There are several reasons that force people to commit this terrible, insidious, treacherous and disgusting act - betrayal.

1. Selfishness... Being a terrible egoist, a person can betray anyone at any time. And note that we are not talking about healthy egoism, in which people always calculate the consequences of their decisions, we are talking about stupid, reckless, irresponsible childish egoism, in which a person in his decisions proceeds exclusively from momentary and often dubious benefits.

2. Weakness... As I wrote above, weak, in every sense of the word, people are prone to betrayal. Lack of willpower, weak character, low level of intellectual development, spiritual and moral poverty, because of all this, a person can easily decide to betray in order to solve some of his problems and / or fulfill some of his desires at the expense of other people. Weak people look for easy solutions to difficult problems, so betraying them is easier than not betraying.

3. Unconsciousness... When a person does not understand what, why and why he is doing, he can do such things that he himself will not be happy with them later. Acting unconsciously, a person acts as if in a dream, he does not understand anything, does not control anything, his behavior is primitive, spontaneous, chaotic, and often does not correspond to common sense at all. It is clear that an unconscious person can easily betray anyone at any time, even the closest and dearest to him, simply by reacting in a primitive way to some situation that is conducive to betrayal. And what is interesting, an unconscious person often does not even understand the horror of his treacherous act.

Let us now, dear readers, consider with you in more detail the above reasons that push people on the path of betrayal. There are, of course, other reasons why people betray each other, but the reasons that I indicated above are friends, the main ones.

Selfishness

Some people, for their own benefit, even the most insignificant, are ready for anything, they do not stop at nothing when they strive to satisfy their desires, and therefore they can betray anyone, even the people closest to them, for themselves and their interests. Selfish people, it should be noted, are very unpleasant people, and usually normal people are not comfortable with them. We can meet egoists, and therefore potential traitors, everywhere, but to begin with, it would be more correct to pay attention to ourselves. Remember how often you personally neglected the interests of other people, for your own benefit? Here you need to get something, here you want something, and you do everything to fulfill your desire, completely without thinking about how this can affect the people around you. You do not think about those people who, perhaps, your actions aimed at satisfying your desires can somehow harm, cause discomfort, cause inconvenience or even pain, because the main thing for you is your own interests, and other people are up to them you don't, absolutely nothing. Have you ever had this in your life? Now, if you had something like that in life, it was with you, then you probably found an excuse for your selfish actions, and for sure, you were inclined to betray someone, at least in thoughts, in order to get something for yourself or something to avoid, for example, some problems. So, other people do the same, selfish people, of course. And okay, if these problems, for which we betray someone, were serious when it comes to life and death, and when a traitor has to choose - either he or someone else who can be betrayed must suffer. But no, egoists betray even without a special, urgent need for them in this act, but only because of their whim or because of their immense desires.

So some people have always betrayed, betray and will betray each other. And they will do this not only in difficult, desperate situations, when it comes to their life for which, of course, is worth fighting for, and when their betrayal can still somehow be justified. They will do this whenever they see fit. People can also become traitors and because of various insignificant trifles, they can become traitors in situations that are completely harmless to them, for the sake of insignificant, and often very dubious benefits. These are "small", one might even say that miserable little people, and sometimes complete nonentities, not capable of anything good and great, but capable only of harming other people. These are egoists, not the most pleasant creatures in this world. We need to be very careful with such people, and not let them get too close to us, so that later we do not complain about their insignificance and wretchedness, when they cynically betray us at the first opportunity. So take a close look at the people around you and with whom you intend to do business. If you see that they are creepy egoists, that their childish egoism just creeps out of their ears, if they are capricious, arrogant, greedy, think only of themselves and spit on other people, even on the people closest to them - in no way If so, don't trust these selfish people. You can’t trust anyone in this life to the full, but you can’t trust egoists all the more, compare it to suicide, or masochism.

Moreover, speaking of egoism as a phenomenon pushing people to betrayal, I am talking about unhealthy, childish egoism, and not about egoism in general, which is characteristic of all healthy people. It's just that people with healthy egoism understand how their personal interests are intertwined with the interests of other people, they understand that for a normal life, everyone, or at least the majority of people, should live more or less well. Healthy egoists are much more reasonable, more prudent, more social and benevolent in their lives than unreasonable egoists. They know that by thinking only of themselves, they thereby alienate from themselves other people on whom they could count, if necessary, with whom they could build mutually beneficial relationships. Healthy egoists are smart egoists, and unhealthy egoists are children for whom treacherous actions are not, not only something immoral, but also harmful. So, in reality, we are all egoists, and this is normal; it's another matter how healthy our egoism is, and as a result, how responsible we are for ourselves and our actions. If we are talking about an intelligent person who knows how to competently defend his personal interests, without significantly infringing on the interests of other people, then in such a person it is possible, albeit not completely, but to a large extent, to be confident, and such a person, if he betrays, then in himself extreme case. But from stupid egoists who, like children, think only of themselves, it is better to stay away, or, in any case, not to trust them.

And here's what else is important to know about the betrayal generated by selfishness. All people in one way or another strive to obtain pleasure, and each person, to the extent of his capabilities and depending on the level of his intellectual development, enjoys different things, different things, and in different quantities. A normal person seeks to get pleasure from things and actions that improve his life, and a stupid person will get pleasure by harming himself, for example, by harming his health. Well, you know, tobacco, alcohol, drugs, irresponsible sex with bad consequences, all this is pleasure for stupid, and usually poor people. In addition, an intelligent person knows in pleasures, as well as in his desires, the measure, adhering to which, he does not allow these pleasures to harm him and his life. And also, he does not allow his pleasures to harm those around him, people dear to him. But a stupid person is ready to put everything on the altar of pleasure, and is ready to enjoy endlessly until everything around him, including himself, is destroyed. As you probably already guessed, I am telling you about those egoists who, for the sake of pleasure, are ready to betray anyone and anything. And the more selfish a person is by nature, the more importance he attaches to all kinds of pleasures, for the sake of which, many selfish people live. Therefore, with those who passionately desire to do themselves very well, you need to keep your ears open so that they, for the sake of this good of theirs, do not do badly to you.

Weakness

Very often people betray each other because of their weakness. And above all, we are talking about their spiritual weakness, because of which people simply cannot, and often do not want, to correspond to the image of an honest, decent, responsible, strong person who can be relied on and who can be trusted. To be strong is not easy, but to be a weakling, to be a scum, a traitor, is easy. Weak people, they are often lazy, and at the same time cowardly, are accustomed to looking for simple solutions to complex problems, and therefore when it is easier for them to betray than to act otherwise, they, not wanting to strain, betray. A weak person will always find an excuse for his betrayal, he will say that he could not do otherwise. For example, he could not help but leave his young wife and child, because he was not ready to become a father. A mother who abandoned her child can say that she was forced to do this, because the circumstances in her life developed in such a way that not so much for herself as for her child, it was more correct if she left him. In general, you have probably met people in your life who always find an excuse for their disgusting deeds, which they might not have performed, had they possessed the strength of spirit and willpower, but did, in the absence of them. So when a person is, first of all, morally, spiritually and intellectually weak, and secondly, physically weak, he can betray anyone, and in practically any emergency, or even just stressing him out, situation. And then he can justify himself and his act, in his own eyes, referring to the need for this act, to its obligation. Say, nothing else but to betray someone, due to the circumstances, he had no choice. Of course, a person could not do otherwise, what he still had to do, he did what he had to do - he betrayed. That's all the excuses. In life, often, such "weaklings", then pay for their treacherous actions, because any weakness in this world, in any case, is punishable. These are the laws of life. Weak people have no place in it.

Weaklings are very cowardly, which is natural for them, and we all should not forget about this either. Morally, spiritually and intellectually weak people are afraid of many things in this life, and often fear compels them to betray even those people in whose betrayal they are not at all interested. Fear, unconscious, animal fear, first of all, gives rise to panic, hysteria, chaos in the head, because of which people slide into their animal state and begin to act exclusively instinctively, without any grain of common sense. You understand that it is not difficult to betray in such a state, it is difficult not to betray, if not impossible. So people betray, they act solely on the basis of a momentary situation, without taking into account the consequences to which their unconscious actions can lead, because they do not realize their actions. Thus, if you see that a person is a coward, be prepared for the fact that he can betray you, because he can do it.

Unconsciousness

Unconsciousness, friends, is another, large enough, but, nevertheless, a natural disadvantage for most people, which forces them to betray each other. An unconscious person is an egoist, a weakling, and a scoundrel, and in general, he is an unreasonable person, the meaning of whose actions is often incomprehensible even to himself. So he commits such actions, the whole meaning of which he simply cannot understand. After all, it is far from always that a person who betrays someone receives benefits from his act, especially if we proceed from the long-term prospects, when, after spitting into the well, after a while we return to him in order to get drunk. And in general, if we talk about the weakness and egoism of a person, then these qualities of him are directly related to his unreasonableness, and the unreasonableness of a person is related to his unconsciousness. If a person is not aware of what and why he is doing, if he does not take into account possible consequences his actions, both for himself and for other people, if his actions harm, including himself, then such a person simply cannot be called reasonable. How is such a person different from, say, a cat? Yes, nothing. It only has more functions, and it is more complicated than a cat, and so, no difference. Well, what do we want from an unreasonable person who does not realize what and why he is doing? Is it not high spiritual and moral qualities? Come on, primitive creatures, to which some people belong, to their and our regret, to something lofty and worthy, for which a person can be called a person, they are simply not capable. For them, their primitive animal instincts are their inner voice and serve as the basis for them to make certain decisions in their lives, it is only these instincts that prompt them to action, and not some kind of common sense.

In the same way, being, either completely or partially, unreasonable people, some people betray, let's say, by mistake, which they then greatly regret. Human stupidity, unfortunately, as we know, knows no limits, and sometimes a person can betray us without any substantial reason. This, of course, does not change the essence of the matter, but nevertheless, when a person made a mistake to a greater extent and, to a lesser extent, deliberately and purposefully betrayed someone, then, in principle, he can be forgiven. Although, of course, in the future you will have to be on the alert with him, because there can no longer be complete trust in such a person. You and I cannot hope that this or that person, who has betrayed us because of his unconsciousness, suddenly, for no reason at all, will see clearly and it will be possible to start trusting him. If this happens, it is very rare and with only a few people. Therefore, I do not recommend that you hope for this tiny miracle. Do you want to forgive the person who betrayed you? Great, goodbye. If only, he deserves it. But I do not recommend you trust him in the future, because by God, in this case you risk stepping on the same rake twice.

How to deal with betrayal?

As for the attitude to betrayal, I suggest that you treat this phenomenon, and to each specific treacherous act, no matter who is perfect - calmly and indifferently. Yes, I understand that you can argue with me by saying that this is not the case when you can remain calm and ignore the treacherous act of the person because of whom you have suffered greatly, especially when it comes to a very close and a very dear person to you. But, if you prepare for such a scenario and not just admit the likelihood that anyone, even the most reliable person from your point of view, can betray you, but also imagine this, then you can make such a development of events for yourself - the norm and accordingly to prepare him. You must understand, friends, that it's all about our expectations, which are either met or not. It is because of this that we suffer when someone betrays us. We expect one thing from them, but they surprise us with another, they betray us, and we are not ready for this stab in the back. This is the whole problem.

People are imperfect, and this has long been known, and some people generally find it difficult to be human, it is much easier for them to be animals and behave accordingly. And therefore people, due to their imperfection, for the most part, in principle, by nature are inclined to betrayal. And those people who are at a very low level of development are all the more prone to betrayal, and not only to betrayal, but also to many other bad deeds. So why expect anything good from them? It would be more correct to expect from any person, first of all, the worst, most vile and base deed, and prepare to give a worthy answer to it, than to place too high hopes on, no matter which person, and then be upset because he did not justify them. ... We can only hope for good deeds on the part of other people, and rejoice in the fact that they are committed, and, if possible, reciprocate them in order to maintain the unspoken rules of human behavior in society. But it is too naive to demand from people a certain attitude towards themselves, compliance with some kind of obligations, loyalty, devotion, honesty, responsibility. After all, in fact, no one owes you anything in this life. And no matter what obligations this or that person does not fetter himself and whatever he personally promises to you, he can refuse all this at any time, of his own free will. We deceive ourselves when we recklessly trust other people and completely unreasonably believe in other people, pinning our hopes on them, therefore we suffer from betrayal, for which in most cases we are simply not ready.

Of course, each of us can and usually does have some of his own beliefs and, starting from these beliefs, he can evaluate one or another actions of other people, and even his own actions. Actually, we all have the right to this, the right to our opinion. But we ourselves benefit from being more flexible in our views on life, so as not to try to squeeze everything that happens in it into the narrow framework of our limited worldview. Everything, including betrayal, has the right to exist in this world, everything has its own necessity, its own benefit, and everything has its own pattern. Therefore, we must understand that lies and betrayal are the same natural phenomena in our life as their opposite - honesty, valor, responsibility, love. We with all people and with all their actions should be able to get along, both with good and bad. Therefore, I repeat once again, you should treat betrayal calmly and indifferently, preparing yourself in advance for the fact that any, I repeat, any person can betray you. Accept this, and then no one can dazzle you with their treacherous behavior.

How to survive betrayal?

Well, if you were not ready for betrayal, and it so happened that you were betrayed, then what to do next, how to survive the betrayal? First of all, friends, look at the pattern of what happened to you, do not take what happened to you as something that falls out of your picture of the world. If you were betrayed, then this act had its own reason, I will not say that he has his own justification, but that he has an explanation, that's for sure. People are selfish, cowardly, stupid, greedy, insidious, and therefore they will always have reasons to commit this or that bad deed, bad, for someone else, first of all, but not for themselves. We can be betrayed at any moment, no one is immune from this, so there is nothing to be surprised at, you just need to understand what and why we lost sight of that we allowed someone to betray us. We must learn from our defeats, from our misfortunes, from our pain, so that in the future we will no longer allow ourselves such stupidity as absolute trust in other people. Therefore, when we are betrayed, they teach us, they make us smarter, wiser, and therefore stronger, which means that traitors, sometimes without realizing it themselves, do good for us.

Thus, someone's weakness and stupidity makes us stronger, and we, in fact, should rejoice in this, rejoice in the fact that someone has betrayed us, no matter how absurd it may sound. After all, if life throws us heavy trials, it places great hopes on us, it believes in us. And if life itself believes in us, then why should we not believe in ourselves, why should we perceive the betrayal of another person, as some kind of our defeat, as damage caused to us by someone? It is better to look at him as a victory, and to see in this act, which is not good for us, from which we have suffered, new opportunities for our development, because being devoted, we change our life, changing our views on it. We become stronger if we do not die after betrayal, and we, as a rule, do not die from it. We break off our relationship with the traitor or transfer them to a qualitatively new level, and these are completely different possibilities, a completely different life. And we get a very useful experience for us, without which it is rather difficult to survive in this harsh world. Devoted man, this is a person who is wise by experience, he is careful with people and does not trust them fully, this is a person whom life has made more mature. Thus, friends, the practicality of your thinking will save you from destructive emotions that overshadow your reason and cause you the pain you feel from betraying you by another person or other people.

Also, you must understand that around you and me, often there may not be very smart people who themselves do not understand what and why they are doing. Such people betray by mistake, or better to say, out of stupidity, succumbing to the influence of emotions generated by the instinctive urges I described above, and often their mistakes harm not only the people around them, but also themselves. Error or betrayal? How to distinguish one from the other? Very simply, you need to pay attention to how conscious the actions of this or that person are, to what extent the results obtained by him justify, first of all, his own expectations. And you must understand that a person who harms not only other people, but also himself is not a very smart person. Well, if a person is just a fool, then at first he will do something, and then he will think what he did. So, acting unconsciously, you can make an incredible number of mistakes in your life, you can betray everyone, including yourself, and then regret what you have done. I am sure you have come across such people in your life. And, as it were, to take offense at them, it is already unwise on our part, for their stupidity is their misfortune, not their fault. But to have, with such stupid people, any business, if it should be, then very carefully. Because, as you yourself understand, an unreasonable person is an unpredictable, inconsistent, irresponsible person who does not deserve trust in himself, and along with it, respect. Now, if just such a fool betrayed you, or a fool, then it is unnecessary to take this betrayal too close to heart. You shouldn't do this. Do not attach of great importance to someone who is not worthy of it. What to take from a fool, why take offense at him, because he is a person devoid of reason, which means that he has already been punished by God. You just need to draw the appropriate conclusions for yourself and understand that you should not have any serious business with this person, that he or she will never change, and you should not expect anything good from a fool-traitor.

You see, dear readers, everyone makes mistakes. We're not perfect. But especially often it is done by stupid people, of whom, I must say, there are many in our world. Therefore, the betrayal of these people is their next stupidity. But only a few deliberately betray. These are not stupid, but really mean people. It makes no sense to be offended by fools, as I said, because their stupidity harms not only the people around them, but also themselves. Well, as for those scoundrels who deliberately betray us, for the sake of their own selfish and often base goals, what can I say about them, except that if we ran into them, then we were very unlucky. Some psychologists recommend learning to forgive your traitors, which certainly helps to survive the betrayal, but is too simple a solution. Of course, hating a traitor also makes no sense, for with our hatred we poison our own soul, but as for forgiveness, before you forgive someone, you must first understand what exactly and whom we forgive. Well, let's say, how can you forgive a fool who betrayed you out of stupidity, if such a person, in principle, should not be taken seriously? If it so happened that a fool betrayed you, then you should forgive not him, but yourself, for believing in a fool, for not seeing a fool in a fool, for allowing a fool to betray you, you, an intelligent person. Do you understand what kind of logic there should be? Forgiving fools is, you know, too much of a favor for them, because first you need to see a piece of reason in them, believe in it, then be deceived, and only then forgive the one who turned out to be worse than you expected. And if you did not do all this, then you should not forgive the fool, you should simply completely ignore him and his treacherous act.

As for the scoundrels and scoundrels, deliberately and sometimes very cruelly betraying people, for the sake of their interests, then they, in fact, forgive, not that there is nothing, but there is no need. You see, a scoundrel, he is a scoundrel, and always will be, because that is his role. How can you forgive him, why forgive him? To then let him back to you and let him sting you again? The scoundrel betrays because he is a scoundrel, therefore he is a traitor, and one should not forgive him, but, so to speak, mark him as a black sheep, so that in the future he will not get involved with him and in no case trust him in anything. That's all we need to do in order to calmly, without unnecessary, negative emotions that take away a lot of strength and nerves from us, survive the betrayal, and, having received a useful life lesson, continue to live on.

And only a few people who, indeed, due to inexperience, due to unreasonableness, because of, so to speak, temporary insanity, without any malicious intent, due to the prevailing circumstances, for which they were not ready and which forced them to betray us, in principle deserve our forgiveness. I, in any case, believe that such people can be forgiven. It happens that just a morally weak person, because of his weakness and cowardice, unwittingly, can betray you, friends. And then he will wildly regret his deed, he will regret what he did, and he would be glad to fix everything, but he cannot, to his and your regret. As you know, you cannot change the past. Therefore, he wants only one thing - that you forgive him. He does not expect from you a human attitude towards himself that he did not deserve, he does not count on anything but forgiveness, because he understands that he has hurt you, that he acted very, very badly by betraying you. He understands that now you will no longer see in him the one you saw before. And just think, he will carry this heavy moral burden all his life. He really will carry it in himself, friends, believe me. He, or she, will remember his treacherous act throughout his life, and these memories will cause this person the same intense pain that you experience being betrayed. And I believe that you and I should not burden the life of such people, no matter how much they betray us, and torment their soul with our resentment against them. Therefore, I invite you to forgive them, forgive them and let them go if you no longer want to deal with such people.

You, my dear reader, as a reasonable person, I am sure, perfectly understand that it is better to turn to a psychologist for help in order to solve your problems, than to pour alcohol on them, or try to somehow stupefy yourself in order to cope with your pain and suffering. There is no need to harm your health when there are normal ways to solve such problems. Problems must be dealt with, not drowned out. The main thing is to put things in order in your head, then there will be order in life. It's hard to survive betrayal, I understand that. But this can always be done, believe me.

The betrayal of a loved one is that unexpected blow of fate that you never expect.

When the one whose heart was beating with yours in unison betrays, when it is hard to sigh from pain, thoughts obsessively do not allow you to fall asleep, pain haunts. She cannot be cured with pills, she will return tomorrow and in a month. And throughout your life, even if the cheater has long been forgiven by you, a thread of memories will drag on. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to start enjoying life at least after a while? Betrayal is a collapse of trust, hopes and feelings. It seems that it is impossible to build strong relationships again if your soul was trampled by a once close and dear person. How to start simply living without tormenting yourself with the search for an answer to the question: "Why, why have I been betrayed?"

Why do people betray

Don't start making excuses. Even if during repentance you hear accusations from the wrong person, do not dare to agree with them. Yes, you could be wrong in something, you could even act wrong in relation to this person. But do not believe that the betrayal was a necessary measure. There is always a choice, so your loved one could have acted differently, without betraying: talk to you, offer to take a break in the relationship, save face in front of you. Whether to forgive betrayal is, of course, your decision. But can you trust this person?

You are unlikely to find a reason for treason. Why did the beloved betray (deceived, did not put his shoulder, chickened out)? Because it was in his interests at some point. Because he least of all thought about you during the betrayal. Own "I" overpowered human values. And even if he had his own reasons, understandable only to him, are these reasons to justify him? Therefore, do not believe when, during the showdown, many guilty ones are found. First of all, the one who committed this act in relation to you is to blame. Think carefully before forgiving betrayal.

Should we forgive betrayal?

Should we forgive betrayal? Undoubtedly. But only for himself, not for the sake of the betrayer. Daily thoughts of how to survive the betrayal of a loved one will keep you from moving forward. They will begin to poison life, they will not allow the creation of new relationships in which there will be no place for deception. When you were exchanged for someone else, when you were given a backhand blow - how to forgive betrayal? Forgive in order to live and enjoy every day?

If the person who betrayed you has a conscience, it will punish him. Will punish more severe than your words, tears. Only conscience is capable of plunging a person into repentance; it is impossible to hide from it, to leave. It is not easy to survive the betrayal of a person, but it is possible if you do some work on yourself. And even if the bonus of the trauma suffered will be the opportunity to meet new people, events, feelings on the way. Life has never stopped because of betrayal. Don't stop yours yourself.

No matter how hard it is, you will have to get used to the idea of betrayal. Understand that the person who hurt you is an ordinary weak person. And certain needs intervened in his life, for the sake of which he did so meanly to you. See the benefits: in the future, you will become stronger. Yes, more distrustful, tougher, more closed, but stronger.

If you are looking for how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, the advice of a psychologist will help you. So, start working on yourself today, now.

1. Unleash your tears - do not pretend that nothing has happened.

You will deceive others, but not your heart. Allow yourself to cry out all the tears, release all the negativity, so that the spring in your chest finally unclenches. Remain weak.

2. Alcohol is not your friend.

Not a single problem has yet been solved with alcohol. In addition, overdoing it, you can make a mistake (start calling the traitor, sort out the relationship with his new passion, if there has been a betrayal). In the morning, in addition to the mental pain, "miraculous" consequences of drinking alcoholic beverages will stick to you.

3. Get out of sight of things that remind you of your tormentor.

Surviving a person's betrayal is unlikely to help his many things and photos decorating the apartment. Often, girls cry over everything related to their ex: his toothbrush, the kettle in which you heated the water together, the sand “on which he walked”. Do not bring the situation to the point of absurdity: get rid of everything that disturbs your thoughts, and do not give hidden meanings to everyday things.

4. Find something to do.

Surrender to the work process, show your professional skills. Sign up for a yoga course. Plan your day with a minimum of free time. Ideally, if you choose an occupation in which you have zero experience: complete immersion in the basics of a new occupation can captivate your thoughts, leaving no moment for suffering. If they approach, go outside and look for something to do with yourself. Go for a walk in the park,. This will help you deal with betrayal better than reclusiveness.

5. Change something in your appearance.

Get a new haircut, buy a bright dress, make a difference in your life. Become more attractive, because ahead of you new life! Have you heard about the benefits of shopping? Updating your wardrobe on a psychological level improves your mood. Has your ex-partner never liked redheads? Now nothing stops you from such a change of image.

6. Do not drive away new acquaintances from yourself and remember old friends.

Alone, you are unlikely to stop tormenting yourself with thoughts of how to survive the betrayal of your loved one. On the contrary, a lump that you roll in your head will only aggravate the situation. At first, let you laugh with strength, half-heartedly listen to the stories of your comrades. Over time, everything will change. Do not doubt.

7. Help someone who needs you.

Who? You choose - homeless animals (you can buy a stick of cheap sausage to feed the cat near the entrance). Find out what things and toys are needed orphanage... Maybe some of the relatives will need help. You will do a good deed, your soul will become light, and difficult thoughts will recede for a while.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Yes, the advice of a psychologist can help, but the main task still lies with you - stop tormenting yourself. Stop thinking about what happened. It is difficult to survive, but possible. Trust that there is a happy life ahead of you. Not all people are prone to betrayal, so do not seek to see the world through a black veil. A failed experience is also an experience.

There are more than 7 billion people on earth, remember how hard it was for you to experience your first unhappy love (did you have an unhappy love at school?) Or parting with a person “better than whom you can’t find”. It is important for you to realize that your suffering is in your head, and if you decide to get rid of it, then you will succeed.

Many of us have faced betrayal in our lives. This is very painful, because the last thing you expect from a loved one is. How to accept and experience it and not lose heart? What if your friends betrayed you? Let's figure out these issues.

Let's talk a little about betrayal

What if your friends betrayed you? In the understanding of people, betrayal has different meanings... For some it is a deception, for others it is treason, and for someone it is a failure to fulfill your whims and desires. This is, first of all, the undermining of trust through some act, a series of actions, an incorrectly chosen word.

After betrayal, a person begins to delve into himself. Look for the cause of what happened, which, of course, affects self-esteem. Doubts that he is worthy of friendship and respect, since his best friend betrayed him. Feels guilty for what happened. But psychologists advise to calm down first, and not look for reasons.

What is the reason?

Before you start figuring out what to do if your friends betrayed you, we’ll find out why they do this. Often this does not happen at will, but due to various circumstances, due to stupidity, for example, or due to natural weakness. Someone is pursuing their own benefit. Sometimes this happens unconsciously, the traitor does not even think about the consequences.

How to deal with pain?

No matter how hard it is, you need to pull yourself together and take a sober look at the current situation. Let's give some efficient practical advice:

Do not withdraw into yourself.
Don't go over the latest events in your head. This is already in the past. Don't look for the culprit.
You should not torment yourself with questions, they say, why did they act with you in this way and not otherwise. Thus, aggression, resentment and bad energy will accumulate, taking away strength and health.
The best way to extinguish bad emotions will help physical exercise... Let it be aerobics, running, or any other sport. They will help get rid of negative thoughts.
Express bad emotions on paper by painting with paints.
Do not give up the support of loved ones to whom you can pour out your soul.
If you feel like screaming and crying, don't hold back.

But by no means take the blame on yourself. It is important to understand that betrayal is a fairly common occurrence that many have experienced. If the abuser wants to meet with you and explain himself, give him the opportunity to apologize. And one more piece of advice - don't take revenge! This will not solve the problem, it will only make it worse.

What kind of reaction might arise?

We have already talked about the desire for revenge. Along with this, there are:

Anger and anger. In a state of passion, a person is capable of committing the most terrible offenses. First, it will negatively affect your emotional state and health, and secondly, by causing harm to the offender, you will only make an enemy. Just forget about betrayal.
Hatred. Creates evil.
Resentment. It is known to destroy a person from the inside.

You need to learn to forgive. It is difficult and may not work out right away, but this is the only way you will be able to shed your inner burden, get rid of bad thoughts and emotions, and mental pain. So what if your best friend betrayed you?

Or maybe he was not?

What makes a real friend different:

He always remembers you, even when he is very busy with work, and will come to the rescue at any moment.
Will understand your problems.
It's never boring with him.
He can be entrusted with intimate secrets that no one will know about.
Knows how to forgive.
Feels you perfectly and knows how and how to help.
It will help financially and physically, without demanding anything in return.
It will not allow you to get involved in a scrape, will not make you laugh, because of the uttered stupidity, on the contrary, will reason and offer the right solution.

Therefore, in case of a quarrel, think about whether the abuser was your real friend? Of course, it also happens that a comrade went to betrayal for certain reasons that justify him to some extent. But the person who betrayed can do it again.

What if your best friends dump you?

In this case, you should not immediately panic, you need to analyze why this is happening. If you've done something wrong, just admit it and ask for forgiveness. It also happens that in everyday life we forget about old friends. Like them, in fact, building their personal life and career.

Therefore, before you worry, look at the problem with different eyes, gather your friends. Believe me, you will have a lot interesting topics for conversations, fond memories.

Once you find the reason why friends are disappearing from your life, recharge yourself with a positive. Do not give up new acquaintances, make peace with old friends. So:

Look for mates with the same interests.
Get together more often with old friends, at least once a week for a cup of coffee.
Keep in touch with your friends.

So now we know what to do if your friends betray you. In the case of real betrayal, it is worth forgetting the insult and letting the offender go. But do not cut from the shoulder, perhaps this is just a ridiculous quarrel, because of which you should not give up your friendship.

Journal "Psychology for Every Day"

How does it work?

Have you ever wondered what is there, on the other side of the mirror? Take a look. You have just seen yourself in the mirror - so beautiful, smiling - and now, after a second, there is nothing. This is roughly how a person who has been betrayed feels. Something subtly changes in the soul: for a short time it becomes empty. Then anger, resentment, a desire to take revenge settle in it. Then, if you're lucky, forgiveness. But there is a moment in which the soul is empty. What is leaving her? First and foremost is faith. Faith as trust in the world.

What is betrayal?

Man is born helpless: he is not able to maintain his life on his own. He can only believe the world that he will keep him alive. First, we seek support from the mother and trust her. We need warmth, food and love as a feeling of confidence that we will be helped. For about two years, the child's social ties are expanding and he goes out to the Big World. He learns to interact, to establish relationships with friends, passers-by, with an aunt on a bench, with an uncle at a bus stop, curiously examines the dog, determining - friend or foe? Someone does it better, someone worse. But each of us, sooner or later, finds himself standing in front of the mirror like this and sees emptiness there. And it seems like the world has turned away.

How does this happen?

Differently. And always unexpected. After all, the essence of betrayal is the violation of our trust in the most important things for us, and the beginning of it is exactly where our faith ends. The conclusion is sad: betrayal cannot be foreseen. It is useless to guess where you will fall and lay straw there in advance. Every time we are completely unexpected and anew, with all possible acuteness, we encounter feelings that destroy us.

And then?

In psychology today, the problem of effective behavior in difficult situations is being studied quite intensively. The most promising trend in this area is coping theory. The term was introduced by the American psychologist Abraham Maslow in 1987, and is meant by coping behavior (from the English to cope - to cope, cope) constantly changing mental and behavioral attempts to cope with external or internal problems that arise in front of a person. In essence, coping behavior is characterized by a person's willingness to solve life's problems. On the opposite side of the pole - the expressive behavior of the "offended" and "betrayed" - behavior in which a person's actions are dictated only by "naked" emotions. In this case, the "treacherously" abandoned lady in the morning revels in her own guilt, after dinner she is angry with the "scoundrel", and closer to night falls into depression. Further more. Our heroine will begin act influenced by these emotions! That is, to plead and curse, scold and apologize, and thus finally confuse everything and get confused herself. What's wrong with this wonderful, time-tested method? The fact that the problem is not solved in this way. After all, our deceived heroine is concerned only with herself, and not with the problem. A completely different way is effective: to solve the problem and thus get rid of negative experiences.

And if you calm down?

How should one behave in such a situation? The answer is ridiculously simple. Calm down first, and then decide what to do. And not vice versa - first to get excited and "heap too much", and then - "scratch his turnips" over the consequences of his own emotional storm. Have you calmed down? But now it's worth thinking about what you yourself did in order to be betrayed.

Betray, as you might guess, is capable of only a close one. After all, it was to him that we “turned our backs”, it was he who possessed the “secret information”, and it was on him that we pinned some hopes. Was it worth it to impose? It is noticed that the stronger our feelings about someone's treachery, the greater part of the responsibility for our own destiny we managed to transfer to the "deceiver" before. It is much easier to betray a person who is dependent and psychologically helpless (like a baby) than to someone who leaves important questions for himself, and does not give someone else to solve them. The notorious departure of her husband is in one case an annoying prick of fate, and in the other - the collapse of the picture of the world. And if your case is the second, consider that your husband made you a gift. By his departure, he gave you the opportunity to make sure that you can live without him. The picture of the world will be restored. Just be so kind, next time don't give her so much space for your new husband. Not everyone can handle such a burden. And your life will be more fun.

Betrayal as a mistake

Very often, rethinking the situation in which your "deceiver" finds himself helps to stop worrying about someone's treachery. After all, it is much easier to forgive a person if he was mistaken than if you know for sure that he is a villain with a cold heart!

Believe me, there are very few villains with cold hearts. And it’s unlikely that you were lucky enough to pull out such a bad card. As practice shows, any ugly act, as a rule, has a sad motive. The biggest meanness from the inside is often felt as weakness. And then - a merciless fate intervenes and completes the dirty deed. Yes, your beloved has an exceptionally pretty secretary. Rather, he just passed than wanted to hurt you. Forgive him as the weak are forgiven. After all, it is easier to forgive the weak than the evil.

Here, by the way, there is a curious nuance that can help. Do you find it difficult to consider atrocity a mistake? Do you prefer to continue to expose? You probably think that the "villain" is obliged to bear one hundred percent responsibility for what he did? Fine. What about your 100% responsibility? After all, it was you who allowed the situation to happen. It was you who gave the traitor the cards. You were the one who trusted! You, and not someone else, allowed your trust to be abused.

Oh, are you wrong? Of course you are wrong. And he too.

How to forgive the unforgivable?

Alas, it also happens.

You have been betrayed so cruelly that forgiveness is out of the question. What then are we talking about? Probably about revenge. You are tormented, not knowing how to respond to the offender. You blame yourself for being too gullible. You wonder again and again how you could have done this to you? After all, you are so special!

Unfortunately, various sad incidents are also bad in that they take away from us the illusion of our own exclusiveness. It is also called the "rookie illusion." You can describe this illusion with a simple phrase - “nothing with me such can't happen because It is me! ". The collapse of this illusion is very painful. Turns out, such it can happen: they betray and deceive - not someone and somewhere. It turns out that this is possible here and now, right with you, so unique and inimitable. And now you need to take revenge: to prove to him (her or them) that they were mistaken by mixing you with the crowd.

You might be surprised, but revenge won't help. First, absolutely everyone wants to take revenge "in the heat" of resentment. That is, and in this you are not unique. And secondly, revenge does not at all change what they did to you. And therefore, you are back in the crowd.

There is only one way to forgive the unforgivable. It works despite its paradoxical nature. Try to understand what prompted the abuser to do this and not otherwise. This is especially important in the case of intentional atrocities against you. Think: what have you done such what made you hurt so badly? Imagine how bad it must have been for a person who took such an ugly act. Don't you think that a loved one could hit you in passing, without hesitation? So there were reasons? And they were probably serious. And, sadly, that reason is you. And you probably did him just as bad. How did you manage it? This is the most interesting thing. And when you find the answer, ask for forgiveness for your part of the evil you have done. I promise you will feel better.

Plus for minus

Finally, I want to give you one trick. It will help, if not remove, then reduce the pain from the trouble that has occurred. Just think again, what is the real problem when you are betrayed? Exactly what was betrayed? Or - the feelings that flooded you? This is an important question. Imagine: in the morning a certain woman's husband left a certain woman, and in the afternoon she learned that she miraculously was the owner of a villa in the Canary Islands, a new Lamborghini and a marriage contract with Leonardo DiCaprio. Will she be sad in the evening? Complex issue.

Now do you understand that any betrayal is within us, and not at all outside?

My husband, Nikita Blinov, thanks for the ideas and support.